THE CHANGING SCENE.

Press, Volume LIII, Issue 16037, 20 October 1917, Page 9

THE CHANGING SCENE.

(By M.C.K.)

The returned soldier on the tram turned to t" 1 "" on tho seat beside him, and a:ked hint for a match. Receiving it, iic said "Thank you," lit his cigarette, and commenced, "When I was at the front —"

"Quito so," interrupted the civilian hurriedly, for lie had read the Bishop of Nelson's advice that wo "must assist tho returned 6oldiers in every wnv to shake oil thr> awful impressions of tho scenes they havo witnessed"; "quite so. Dirl you road the report of —of Parliament to-day? A most interesting discussion on—yes, on education. Mr Hanan. you know, is veryactive. Yes, very active." . Tho soldier stared, and the civilian gathered his wits for another effort. "A great spring," he said; "tho new potatoes came in wrcks earlier than usual. A fino spring, but, of course, as spring advances hero, autumn is coming on away up •" He broke off in confusion and went on: "I beg your pardon; I was speaking of the now potatoes. Very fine, very. By the way, too bad that Miss Ada Reeve has had a breakdown, is it not?" Tho soldier, whose cigaretlo had gone out, asked for another match, and, between the cranking-up puffs, said once more, •'When I was at Messines—"

But tho civilian promptly interposed again. "Yes, but tuat is over now. Aro you interested in horses ? What is your fancy for tho Derby ? I'm not a sporting man myself, but I havo heard a good deal of Desert Gold—l suppose she is in the Dorby, as it is a big racc." Tho soldier smiled, and tb.o civilian felt tremendously bucked. It was working. But he did not feel able to keep this up. They were in tho Squaro by now, and he said ho was going to Longway's for a cup of tea. Would the soldier come? Tho soldier would, and, borrowing another match, he lit another cigarette, and said, "At Messines —"

, Tflo civilian sighed, but rushed

in again. 1 i say, u u at a pie ay iiuo:'' he exclaimed.. "The ladies iiuvo given 8o much attention to skirts and stockings that they ratner neglect their hats, and a pretty ono—well, hore wo aro," and, having found a table, they ordered tea.

Suroly, surely, thought the poor chap, this crowd, and theso girls, and all the rest of it will do the shaking off without my aid. But tho soldier spake once more. "You just got to hear this"—and tho civilian quakod. "When I was at Messines—No, please, let me tell you. When I was at Messines. I had 600 cigarettes, and no matches for three days, and nobody else had any. By enpes, I'll never forget those three days. And a lot of poor beggars are suffering the same Ehing how. That'was at Messines—l'll never forget that place, anyhow. Threo days, mind you."

"A largo number of members wanted to go to school for grammar and pronunciation. He had never hiard such bad grammar as in tlio House. Some members did not know when to say 'me' and when to say 'I,' aiid so on. ,'lJiey seemed to rorget that a preposition governs the objective case."—Mr Hindmarsh, M.P. Happy tho man with time to giro To grieving that tho politician Should split tho poor infinitive, And blunder with the preposition. We others to such things nxo blind: We watch, with wailing and with clamour, Tho dreadful laws they build behind Their scaffolding of ragged grammar. He should ,bc 'filled with deep content Whom real troublo never reaches, i Who only turns to "Parliament" Luxuriously to parse the speeches. Wo others scan the Press, airaid, Almost, to sao what further trouble The grammar-less M.P.'a have made, What tax is going to be double. Tho bdmb that bursts a foot apart Is just Be nuaty to tho bombee Whether it be a work of art Or just a jam-tin filled by Tommy. So, too, quite cQl(al in effect, la land—or war—or tea—or gin-tax, Whether the speeches.ore correct Or. memty oi euaiatued syntax. There was a time, before it was disSoveruu tnat brusuworu unci Mt'«uniiig were tiie uuck'ouuu oi primary cuuuution, Wtieii Lottcuws us>eu to asii uie cunuren to write nttie essays on "iiow i woum spend a awning." One couiu get a gouu ueat tor a smiling m tiioao uaysj tiio. cuiuureu couiu get a goou ! dual more taiau tne giow or ngutoous- , ness wiiich was tne reward of tue Kind P* 31 * 8 j Wflloli i J n tueir essays, tiiey ( arnrmed weiu tno aim ana ooject or Sjuuiugs. '10-Uay, you can got nothing. tor a siiiiiuig—notmng worth waving; and in any event tne purunas-,ing-power of tlia sliming is ouiy t>2d, instead of 2a tjd, as it ougnt to be it tue slulliug realised that wo were at war and mat it was up to tne currency to do its bit. ■ lou can, indeed, buy things for Is 3d—tiiero is never at any time any sum of nionev, nowever small, but somebody wants it ' ?> nc i W1 L , ® lvo y° u something for it. ■nut what can you buy? jj'ivo sermons, for those who like them: but lor others, next to nothing.. A visit to the picture theatre, a drink, a cotton handkerchief, a small potato—anything, m fact, that grandfather could uoy for a halfpenny. To all intents and purposes you might as well Jose 18 as spend it, lor all tho value you get for it. That is, iu New /joaland, where tho Efficiency Board, the Government, the Board of Trade tne Cost of Living Committee, anri 1 arliament have been attending to our affairs. But in Flanders it is another story. Thero one can do much with fifteenpence. The Minister of revealed this fact this week, lne Imperial Government, as our agent, spends money as follows, per • d&yt "Small 'arms aud arainunition, bombs and trench mortar ammunition, 8d; upkeep of small arms, machine-gUns, artillery, equipment and material generally, and vehicles, •j In tI,G right place Is 3d can . produce large results. All it needs is the opportunity.

"Of dullest things on God's wth, I think that General Synod is the dullest," said Bishop Julius at a missionary meeting on Wednesday. With the Bishop's candour as an example, wo ought soon to be able to chronicle the following utterances: — "Amongst all the utterly useless trades that afflict this country, none can possibly bo more useless with tho trade of vending nlocho'i? liquor. How——"—Tho president of the Lice-sed Victuallers' Association.

'Frankly, my friends, there is nothing in When I think of the absurdity of prohibition, and the monBtrous nonsense that is talked at our meetings, I feel inclined to ask von to wind up tho who'e business. However——The president of tho New Zealand Alliance.

"If the people only knew what a futile thing a Cabinet is, and the unspeakable tedium of keeping up the pretence that tho Government is wofth maintaining—ivell! HoweTor >—."—Mr Massev. "Wooden-headed"? Comrades, -wood- " en-headed is no name for it. Of all ]the tiresome rubbish that over was : conceived, this rubbish that we call our platform is the most tiresome.

However ." —The president of the Hod Federation. "Life is a fraud There are many delusions, but the notion that life is worth living or preserving is the most foolish delusion that ever possessed human creatures. However — The president of the I'lunket Soeicty. "Of ail the farces—and this is a subject I know something about—dyinir n:xl getting buried is the most farcical of all. However ."—The president of the Undertakers' Society.