THE CHANGING SCENE.

Press, Volume L, Issue 149814, 30 May 1914, Page 11

THE CHANGING SCENE.

(By M.C.X.)

The New South Wales Government has discovered that too much quivering meat is sold, and has ordered that in future no meat would bo sent out fox consumption unchilled. All the same, when we are shiverms, *«• &nall &tIU prefer tho hot-water t>ag to tho icebox.

Tne recent discovery of some new verses by Omar Khayyam has no rcterenco to tho following quatrains:—

Vwake' for Russell, Ward aud ail "the boys Are out to shako l>ill Masaey'a equipoise, With General Invective at tbe Drum. While Fright conducts the orcheHra. of Ivoisc

Each day th? Liberals win a fight, they say, And daily turns opinion's tide their way; And daily, F*ct tskco down tho chart and eavs, . "How true! Here's Epnont, I/yttaiton, and Grey.

Oh dear! if Fact wero not k> strong a liar, We'd break him up and melt him in the

fire — , Hovr we should shatter aim to bits, and

Remould him nearer to our hesrts deairel

At time?, when .Toe it sr.caliin?:. Fact essays To snoak upon tho plitforra, but hia faco Betrava bim a* a foe end out he goes — Yoa, Caution hoaves hira into outer Space.

Tbo wise are they who do not step to tbinJc, But drown their cares in rum and such-like

drink— • . ■ in Intoxication paints in rose and frold Tho outlook that was blask as printer's ink.

Away -with Thousbt, that virgin grave and cbilJ, Of overproof Invective drink your fill, And prasp Misstatement, whoa an easier girl, And tango till rou think you ye smashed old Bill.

A voice of brass, .some liiboraj loud vituperation, and a new mare's nest of two, And loud applause in Ng»timatikau — And Massey's prospects turn to navy blue.

Awake! arise! and on the '"Liberal" stump Shout, and tor commonsonso don't caro a

dump! ( The case is urgent, and there s just a

chance That aitcr all tho public is a chump,

Of late Heaven appears to have been so much in danger of being overlooked that one is glad that they are discussing tho question: "Js Heaven a place?" There was an Auckland man once who had no doubts upon tho subject. Ho died, and after a good look round his future abode, ho addressed the eccentrically-furnished person who was conducting him. "Take it any way you like," ho said, "company, climate, ventilation, scenery—this Heaven wo heard so much about is not a bit bettor than Auckland." "This," said his conductor, "this is not Heaven." While this singular incident shows that- thero is, as the M.P. says when he is angry with tho Legislative Council, "another place," it leaves quito unsettled tho main question. With the exception, perhaps, of "'Strad" and a few other musicians, most peoplo wui abstain from regret at tho general consensus of opinion that Paradise is not a place of music. Tho harps and songs aro only symbols—as tho purest of pleasures, music was very long ago tho natural symbol of Celestial joys. The Red Fed. leader would present an Elysium in which . everybody would lie down for ever, smoking inextinguishable pipes, and surrounded by pots of malt liquor and the latest sporting news from Earth. Thero aro somo who would paint a picture in which Mr Massey would be perpetually in Opposition, and in which two and two would bo five or three at will. Mr L. 31. Isitt dreams of a place in which he would incessantly drink Sir J. li. Ward's health in clear cold water. There aro some of us, of course, who cannot feel confident that it is likely to affect us personally, xveggars, we do not think of expressing preferences.

In » speech to a gathering of the faithful in Wellington, the Leodor of tbo Opposition mentioned that be knew many editors, and "be was glad to say that, with the exception of one, or perhaps two, with whom be would not condescend to shake hands, he respected all of them. While number 2 (tho "perhaps" one) is awaiting his sentence, the caso of number 1 must be attended to. Whence: This paragraph is constructed in sorrowful memory of

the oho Editor,

who, although ho discharged his duties faithfully for fifty years, married, bogot a family, and went to church with

regularity, earned his salary, and never split an infinitive, made many friends, and was generally accounted by the ignorant to havo done pretty well,

6o that many envied mm, and wished that they had taken to editing instead of to brain work, and co saved themselves the trouble of Jeaa-ning to spell.

yet had a canker eating

at his heart, for his hand, which had earned his living, had never had we

felicity of securing consecration

by boing shaken by the dispenser of all good things, tho pattern of all tho useful virtues, the one man whoso public career was in every particular

glorious and honourable, Sir Joseph Ward.

Sir Joseph Ward spoko on the lines of previous speeches.—incws item. This is the season when nothing:

But misery grows, When our core hearts are heavy with . loathing And weighed down with woes, And really nothing is doin' Save Massey and chaos and ruin And Joseph explains that dark grey is the dominant 'hue in An outlook onco rose.

You aro "feeling all right"? Idle fancies Can't alter the fact ' * That, you- ]iio 'neath the bludgeon of Chance, is Crushed, crippled and cracked. Tho cbiMien and giass havo stopped growing, Tbe honey and milk have ceased flowing, And Pot is the place whore the wboU blessed country s been going Since Joseph was sacked.

If by chance you feel prosperous mad. cheerful. And try to ignor* Tho fact that your misery's fearful— You'll do so no more, Your hopes will quite promptly cease swelling If you read ho-w Sir Joseph's been telJinjr Your awful misfortunes to tcar-eodden meetings in "WellingTon, Annai, or Gore.

If at times to nsy eyo unrcj-encraie Things look quite superb. Or at leaat quite half-likely, at any rate, My gloom to disturb, 1 fly to the paper and shallow Some columns of Ward, and the hollow, Cold icelinsf comes btck as the nouns and the adjectives follow In vain the lost verb.

Through the long yeans to com* it won't matter How -well you suit do. Ilia voice viJl ror.tinuo to shatter Your fancies untrue. Grown old. yon -»-i!l bear him still raving. His lonp -white locks gloomily waving, As ho tells us how vilely Bill Massey aad Fate are behaving. And the outlook, bow bine!

And so. when tbe Last Trump is blowing . A Voieo will-be heart!, Aud your heart, as you're happily goiaff Upstairs, w 'll bo scared; For One who'll refuse to Ijeep quiet, Will insist on explaining just why it Is such a deplorable outlook, and that b deny it Is simply absurd.