A BOGUS M.P.

Press, Volume XLIX, Issue 14844, 9 December 1913, Page 5

A BOGUS M.P.

HE VISITS TTMARU.

AND SCORES ALL ROUND.

(SrZCUI. TO "THB TRESS.")

TIMARU, December 8.

Timarn business people are not usually given to orer-credulity, but several of them, as well as an Ashburton business man, were "taken in" very badly ono day, or, to bo strictly correct, ono night, last week. Some of them have since found out their mistake, but others will not know of it until they read this paragraph. It happened this way. A gentleman posing as Mr P. C. Webb, M.P. for Grey, visited Timaru, accompanied by another young man whom he intro--duced as a son of Mr Semple. They visited one or two places of refresliraoat, and there met representative business peoplo who happened to be thero. Ono, who is well-known for his abhorrence of lied Fed. methods, declined at first to bo introduced to "Mr Webb," buu eventually he took such a fancy to his charming manner, his convincing talk about tho under dog and tho welfare of the massee, and to his ability to jingle cold, that eventually he counted it an lionour to bo seen in his company. "By jove," the Timaru maa said to Ins friends, "Webb's not such a bad chap after all. I always thought he vrAb a regular ruffian, but I've changed my mind;" "Webb" introduced his young friend "Semplfe" as the son of tho redoubtable Robert, who is just now under lock and key, stating as he did so that the son iiad determined to fill his father's shoes in the cause of suffering lr.ii.iaiuty while tho father was forcibly detained at the behest of tho wicked capitalist. "Semplpe" junr. made most modest acknowledgment of tho compliment and. emulating the walrus in 'Alice in Wonderland," he melted into tears, holding his pocket handkerchief before his >tivau !>'■• s •■- ---at the mention of his .beloved father s name. This little dramatic touch had a wonderlnl effect on the bar r'-om audience, not ono suspecting anything amiss. A further dramatic touch was added when "Webb" recounted his strivings and his doings so pathetically and effectively as to convince all present that he-was sound at heart and well-inten-tioned, even if his methods were not all approved. Incidentally ho bumped up against one of the party, so that he might feel a hard lump, in one of his pockets. This had the desired effect, for it allowed him to explain that he had to go into some queer places sometimes, and that ho had to carry a revolver for his own protection. "HIS MISSION TO TIMARU." Well, .he had nothing to hide, and might just as well say at once that they intended to visit Pareora and Smithfield on the morrow at three o'clock, and leave such notices as would prevent any butchers from starting operations at either place this season. A newspaper man was in the audience, and though he does not live in Timaru, he has a substantial interest in a paper, and he cautiously persuaded "Mr Webb-'. , to time hie visit to the places named for 2 p.m. instead of 3 p.m., so that it would be possiblo for him to get a "scoop" for the evening papers in which ho is interested. A bargain was struck and an interview arranged for the next day. vWhile others wero scoring, the president of a well-known South Canterbury sports body thought ho should not be behind, and when "Mr Webb" gave it out that he wanted to address a mass meeting, but could not find a place big enough for his purposes, negotiations wero jsntered into with a view to letting Him a certain sports srround in Timaru guaranteed to hold 8000 people, "Mr Webb" said ho thought this 'would do, and "after the final "nightcap," the company parted for the night, more favourably impressed than ever they had been before with representatives of the Red Federation. They came to thq conclusion that these militant gentlemen were not quite co red as they wore painted. Next day ..some of them went 60 far as to see the visitors off by train, and wished them a very cordial farewell, nover dreaming that they were two commercial travellers who had "made up" for the occasion, and carried out their comedy in a remarkably clever fashion. '