SEEING THE MINISTER.

Press, Volume LXV, Issue 13336, 30 January 1909, Page 10

SEEING THE MINISTER.

THE QUEER SIDE OP DEPUTATIONS.

(SrECIA__Y WRITTEN" FOE "THE TRESS.")

AVhenever the Premier "or a less exalted Minister-of tho Crown ventures away from the spot to which ho is nccustomably rooted, bo is Tuthlessly stalked by deputations from the rising up of tho sun to the going down or the same. Deputations aro compound<xl in many fashions. Thero is tho deputation rampant—foaming, surging citizens, who seize the Government by its withered throat and tear tardy justice from its nerveless clutch. Thero is the deputation couchant —amiable, smirking persons, who want little hero below; who have wanted that littlo long, and aro content to want it a littlo longer, if tho Minister is only diplomatic enough to avoid coming to grips> with the issues raised. Thero is tho deputation unctuous —wriggling and squirming -empirically wheu ushered into Tho Presence. There is. tho deputation fulsome —grovelling in a puddle of platitudes, and pawing greasy compliments. There is the deputation presto, with its battery ot quickhror rei_uosts,-*Which takes no or yes for an answer, and wastes the time ol nobody. Thero is the deputation largo, which comes early and knows Tiot when to go. There is tho persuasive dex>utation, tho argumentative deputation, the chastened deputation, and tho bcadyoyetl deputation. Thero is tho deputation wttich scrambles in and shambles out; tho deputation which hesitates to dimple the Ministerial carpet with its profaning feet; the deputation that giggles ingratiatingly, and the deputation which knows the Minister is fashioned from human clay, and treats him accordingly. There are deputations in tho stuffy sitting-rooms of backblocks hotels, with bluebottle dies storming at tho windows, and an enlarged photograph of the landlord in a paper collar and a sigh of Sunday sutistaction hanging over the mantelpiece. Deputations in railway trains, deputations in passages, down alleys and on stairways, deputations everywhere and anywhere that a Minister can bo winged and brought to an anchorage for a few moments. Somo como to tho point without preliminary pirouefrtes or nack-scratching. Some imagine the Minister has been born or created for their especial convenience, and make a social matter of it, misiuvking the smile political lor tho right hand of exclusive fellowship. Some approach like malefactors to tne gallows; others like prodigal sons to claim' their birthright. Somo regard the Minister as a species of heat—en joss, to be propitiated by the reek of flattery and bewildered by tho fireworks of clap-trap oratory. Others view him with the cold, clear gaze of puritanical remorse, certain that they antl his sins at last havo found him out.

Thc spokesman usually is expansively benevolent, his heart in the rigivt place, and his choicest smile in vigorous activity. Ho shape- his puff pietliminary to the largeness of the favour sought. Sometimes he designates the Minister "Honoured sir"; perhaps it will be, "May it please your honour." Always the quality of. has politeness is jwctur- «_ quely strained. Tho deputation's opening movement is invariably accompanied by a warning cough, th© intottatk>n x of which is coyly insinuating, irrevocably bitter'or inflexibly uncoin-jrromi-ing, in strict harmony with thc nature ot .th© grievance to be exploited. It is generally expected that the deputation _ba_Umurm_r a few words in its beard expressive of its gratitude that .the 'Minister is in good health, and that ho was returned at tho last election-'. It xs also quite the thing to assume that ho wall stretch a point, vr break a few laws (Tout not too many, mark youi, in order to comply with the requests laid before him. It is proper during the Minister to nod encouragingly as ho tabulates the dif--oulties imposed in the pathway of his earnest desire to grant the boon so -extorously craved, and to coo delightedly wihen he undertakes to see w_jat oan be done.

Oddly enough, business men make the poorest deputations. Thoy nearly adf_ys endeavour to catch tho wary Ministerial bird by dropping salt and softaawder on his tail. Country folk are more practioal and belabour a central point with persistency. They deal exclusively in home truths, and aro rarely content with the wellgnawed bone of non-committal proThey want something with meat on it, and generally gett their desire—either that or an understandable negative. Wbero men flush and fawn in the presence of a Minister, women are singularly self-possessed. They are perfectly at ease, and become immediately voluble. A deputation of men strictly observes the rules" of the game, and appoints a soloist to voice its requirements. A deputation of ladies resolves itself into a trio, a quartet, or a full chorus, according to tho number present. Women refuse to be awed by the ontward and visible signs of political authority, and regard a Minister with the same measure of cool calculation that is bestowed upon a jemnant of nainsook or an odd length of passage linoleum. On his part the Minister is suave and courteous and infinitely patient. "He knows that human satisfaction is made up of nothings, and so long as those nothings are sufnciently__soft and inviting ho may smooth away a legion of little irritations which, perhaps, have been magnified into grievances* of quite formidable shape. His armoury consists of olivo bcanche*. and oil of gladness for troubled waters. Neither commodity is expensive or significant. He may pluck of the tree indefinitely without diminishing its stature, neither will the cruse fail him in the day of extremity. Sympathy, oromises, and achievements, thoso three, but tho cheapest is sympathy. It is tho Minister's day's work to sympathise.