IN LIGHTER VEIN.

Press, Volume LXV, Issue 13336, 30 January 1909, Page 7

IN LIGHTER VEIN.

Tactless Gallantry.—Lady of Uncertain Ago (to old admirer): "Well, admiral, how do you think I'm looking? —Admiral (who last rem-tubers hex with grey hair); "Aty dear lady, at least thirty years younger!—" Punch."

desperate.—Heiress: "But, father, that handsome foreign count says he will do something desperate acd awful if I do not marry him."—Father (dryly): "He will. Ho will havo to go to work.-"—'"'Pittsburg Observer."

A man purchased somo red flannel shirts, guaranteed neither to shrink nor fade. Ho reminded, tho clerk forcibly of that guarantee some weeks later. "Have you had any such difficulty with them?" the clerk asked.

"No." replied tho customer, "only, tho other morning when I was dressing, my wife said to mc, 'John, when did you get that pink coral necklace?' "

"I notice," said Mrs Dew tell to her r.oxt-door ncighlsour, Mrs Dooiittle— wife- of "Lazy Aim" Dooiittle, as ho was commonly called—"that' your husband doesn't -seem to do anything nowadays but lie in tho hammock and eat apples, lias he como into a fortune?"

"Oh. no, nothing of that kind," e»xplaiucd Mrs Dooiittle. "You eco, he's in-oji having somo sort of stomach trouble, and he consulted, two different doctors about it. T'ne first ono told him :-> cat a ripe applo every hour, and tho other always to rest on .hour after eating."

Hayti was in the midst of a revolution.

A<; a phase of it two armed! bodies were approaching each otlier so that a third was about to be caught -between them.

■The commander of tho third party saw the predicament. On the right Government troops., on the left insurgents.

"General, why do you not give the order to fire?" asked an aide, dashing up on a lame mule.

"I would like to." responded the general, "but. Great Scott! I can't remember which side we're lighting for."—"Philadelphia Public Ledger."