FORTHCOMING SLAUGHTER

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 08, Issue 93, 27 July 1945, Page 5

FORTHCOMING SLAUGHTER

YE HILLY BILLY BULLETIN

SLEUTH SNOOPS SUPER SCOOP

Having got ourselves successfully entangled from the last heading, let us proceed.—News hath it that our last report on the forthcoming football match between the Stock and Station agents and the Carriers alias the Hilly Billies and' the Hairy Fai,ries ? by the was entirely rumour, is correct. In fact ? it would appear that it was all too and before proceeding we must take this opportunity of wriggling out of all blame attached to any corpses which may result > lest it be said that the Beacon was the sole instigator of the massacre between two normally peace-loving tribes. On the best authority (too secret to disclose), it would appear that the Hairy with their usual sporting have retained (no doubt, shot and eaten), the carrier pigeon of the H'illy Billies delivering an ultimatum of unconditional in the hope of dissuading the Hilly Billies from their grim purpose. (Another reason advanced for the lion-return of the pigeon is that the Haries having used up their meat hope that the Hillies will oblige with another winged messanger which they will also retain shoot and eat). But the Hilly Billies, with bloodthirsty leers, stamped on their respective countenances, are sticking to their old slogan "Business as Usual" and are turning away the bribes flowers toffees and free milk 9 ' shakes offered them by the corrupt 'J Hairy Fairies. (This news, by the way, was brought to us by Courier Roger Corcoran complete with , armour gas mask and six-gun who managed to break through the hostile Hairy ranks on his folding bicycle and reach the office with breath coming in little short pants just in time to catch the eighth edition. Courier Corcoran it 'is rumoured is to play •j •» Fly Half Back this year). The despatches, which our faithful "Silver Greyhound" (that's what the King calls his messengers) delivered contained the following information, reputed to have been compiled by one of the leading Hilly Billies. We quote:— "After an all-night sitting between the two teams the only point on which complete agreement was reached was that the total proceeds should go to the local R.S.A." (We heartily support this intention.— Ed). "After a lengthy debate even Tom Brassey agreed that no commission should be charged. "Thanks are expressed to Dr. Gillespie for the kindly offer of his ser-j vices but. the. Hilly Billy . feeling is j unanimous in that a better person to fulfill the job would perhaps be Mr Jarrett who would be kept continally employed rendering 'the long last carry for the Carriers'. "His Excellency the GovernorGeneral of New Zealand has also been invited to hand oftt V.C.s after the match to any remaining players." Which leaves only a few terse comments on the' Hilly Billy team, which we understand, has almost » * been selected. But enough of this. We hope to have some of the team by next issue, and then only will the'public gain some notion of the terrific odds the Hairy Faries [are expected to face 'on that fateful day'—August 18.