SCHOOLBOY HOWLERS

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 8, Issue 43, 26 January 1945, Page 3

SCHOOLBOY HOWLERS

NEW COLLECTION If anyone should faint in a church put her head between the knees of the nearest medical man. When you stroke a cat by drawing your hand along its back it cocks its tail up like a ruler as you can get no further. A litre is a nest of young puppies. Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backward. Parallel lines never meet unless you end one or both of them. Geometry teaches us. to bisex angels. Q: What is the dog star? A: liin-tin-tin. Q: What does a bat do in winter? A: It splits if you don't", oil it. Q: Why does cream rise to the top? A: So the people can get it. Q: What would you do in the case of a man bleeding from a wound in the head? A: I would put a tourniquet around liis neck. For fainting: Rub the person's chesty or if a rub her arm above the hand. The spinal column is a collection of bones running up and down your back and keeps you from being legs clean up to your neck. The message came to Abraham that he should bear a son and Sarah » 2 who was listening behind tlie door, laughed. If David had one fault it was a slight tendency to adultery. Before a man could become a monk he had to have his tonsils out. Achilles was the boy whose mother dipped him in the River Stix until he was intollerable. Socrates -died from an overdose of wedlock. A sincere friend is one who says nasty tilings to your face instead of saying them behind your back. A simile is a widening of the face when pleased. Acrimony is what a man gives his divorced wife. An adult is a man that has stopped growing at both ends, but not in. tl'ie middle. Anatomy is the study of heavenly bodies. Heredity means if j-our grandfather didn't have any then your' father probably wouldn't have had any and neither would you ? probably. I An English major member of one of the British missions to the United States is surprised at the number of cncktail parties he is invited to in Washington and the variety of blunt and sometimes not bright questions which are asked him. At one such soiree he was being grilled about conditions in England and found himself pinned down by a number of dowagers one of whom presently asked: "Ah yes ? major, but what about the privileged classes in England?" With no perceptible change of face the major answered: "Madam ? are you speaking of your countrymen? At the present tinje the Americans are. the only privileged class in England." A hard nut to crack! "Scientists the world over " writes Mr Amos Scrope in the Chicago "have been trying for ages to eliminate wholly the nicotine from tohave found it a tough nut to cracky and given it up as a bad job. But I understand the manufacturers New Zealand tobacco have actually cracked that nut, hard as it is. | A relative of mine resident in the city of Wellington informs me that the Dominion tobacco is not only the very finest quality—but—mark this.! is almost free from nicotine. llow is it done? Well, it seems that they subject the tobacco to great roast it in fact, and so much otf the poisonous nicotine is expelled the rest doesn't matter! Thus treated, ; the tobacco is rendered So far as I 'know, this is the onlj toasted tobacco produced." Quite C(j>ri.ot, Mr Scrope. All that is necessary to 1 add is that there are six bra-ids only. \ Riverhead Gold, Desert Gold Navy'XUU No. Poc- ■' ■» ' ket Edition, Cut 10 and Cavendish, "v.,