HENPECKED !

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 7, Issue 15, 15 October 1943, Page 3

HENPECKED !

HOW IT'S DONE

HUSBAND'S STORY

(By Bud Miller in "Woman") Alice says that she has the greatest respect for my business judgment—but if I tell her of. a decision I've made regarding an investment, she invariably asks, 'Don t you think yp.u could find something better?' She announces that she couldn't stand being married to a man who wasn't more intelligent than she but when It unfold my solution to a knotty problem, she replies, "Oh, I thought of that a long time ago." In a tender mood Alice proclaims her confidence in my fidelity—and the next day she wouldn't put it past me to try to date, that striking grass widow, because "you can't trust any man out of your sight.' Alice tells her friends that I'm the only person she feels safe driving with —but she calls my attention to every approaching car, all road, intersections, and the -exact position of the speedometer needle. She boasts of how handy I! am at household chores—but when I gather up my tools to fix a sticking door, she cautions me, "Oh, I wouldn't fool with that; it would make such a mess., and remember how lopsided you got. the other one when you tried to plane it down." Alice declares that she's not very much interested in current events— but when I impart, some, startling news 1! have just read in the evening paper, she cuts me off with, "I. know;. 1 was. listening to the radio this afternoon and heard all. about that." She delights in telling how "perfect" I kept the house while she was away last summer —but let me drop the ash from my cigarette and I'm the sloppiest person she ever saw. Alice always wants me to appear "at my best" when we go out together—but when 1 put on a freshly pressed suit and a new tie to visit her at the hospital, she complains there's no point in my best clothes just sitting around with no one to see me. except the nurses. Every wife, she theorizes, should let her husband enjoy complete relaxation when he comes home from the office —but a book in my hand automatically sets her mincl working on card games, we could play or places ~,c could go. r-.uc stoutly defends a whole afternoon at bridge as just a little pleasure, "and goodness knows, I don't have much fun"—but it irritates her no end that I can "waste time" working a crossword puzzle for half an hour. When business is good, Alice is proud of me and knows that I'll always make a go of things—but when it's slack she wonders if l ( 've been working hard, enough,, "because all our friends certainly seem to be doing well." -Alice has absolutely no patience with nagging wives and can't see why any man puts up with one— but if I become impatient under an orgy of fussing, she storms that she

"daren't open her mouth around here." She detests women who have no sense of humour, becausc "you have to have one to make a success of marriage"—but when she reads this, she'll bristle and demand to know whether I think she's "that kind of wife." I hate henpecked husbands—but I'll reply, "No dear."