WHY ARE YE FEARFUL?

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 05, Issue 69, 24 June 1942, Page 2

WHY ARE YE FEARFUL?

DAUGHTERS IN WARTIME

Some people have written to me on the vexed question of "Daughters—in war time." I think daughters are a problem, as well as a blessing at any time. But when war breaks out, and the normal standards of civilised, living are shattered; when hysteria often over-rules common sense, and we are inclined to arrange our lives on a "to-day we live, to-morrow we die" basis, the problem becomes one of tremendous importance. r am old enough to remember the last war. How well I recall the leave train crawling into Victoria Station. disgorging war-weary mm from the battle front —men who had been through hell and who were slipping back to London for a few brief days of civilised life in civilised company. And I rcmombeer the harpies who used to l'.e in wait for us in the gloomy streets outside the station, and how some of us shook them off and some of us didn't. Many fine women believed they were doing a patriotic service when they made the boys happy on their return from the front. Be Slow to Condemn Be very careful of your censure. Try to visualise the circumstances. Try also to face the problem. You have a daughter. She is engaged to a fine young fellow who has answered his country's call and very soon is going overseas to face death and danger on the field of battle. He may never come back. She maj' never see him again. Don't lower your standards! But you will help to keep them up by facing the situation with understanding. • It is easy to make the war situation an excuse for laxity; it is easy to justify an abandonment of control on the ground that death may walk in at any moment. We must not do that. I think we should be slow to condemn, but that we should not take it lor granted that moral looseness is an inevitable accompaniment of

war. 1 think wo should face the problem, realise the temptations of: the war period, and—where our (laughters are concerned —be l'rank and honest Avith them. I am one of those who think that a harsh discipline in these trying times is a mistake. I think that the hard-and-fast "must not' 1 ' often drives our high-spirited girls, faced with really difficult problems, to definite defiance or underhand, deception which often brings about the very thing which we seek to avoid. Wc need to treat this problem with tenderness, compassion, understanding. And we need to take our children into our confidence., inform their minds, tell them the facts of life and the pitfalls that lie in wait for the unwary, put them on their honour —and trust to their commonsense. I have not a great deal of faith in the eternal "must not." Do you remember the story of the great lady who sent the nursemaid into the garden to "see what thc> children are doing and tell them not t(V : ? That sort of treatment makes rebels of us all. it is natural for our young people to like pleasure. They like theatres, [ cinemas, dances, parties. The war fever gels into their blood. And all the young folk love romance. Remember, you were young once. When sometimes the young people "go astray" U is by no means unusual for parents to blame the "mad pursuit of pleasure." They blame trashy films, risque plays, the exotic allure of the dance hall. Vei - 3 T often this is just a cheap way of escaping their responsibilities. It is so easy to put the blame on someone else. Very often it is due to neglect of parental guidance, stodginc.ss, old-fashioned views, an uninteresting home, and complete lack of understanding of the young idea. Boredom is often the spur drives the young folk into questionable pleasures. Don't let them get bored. You have to remember that forbidden fruit usually promises to be sweetest. The apple Ave long for is not the one in the' dish on the sideboard, but the one that hangs so tantalisingly from the tree in the orchard where Ave are not alloAved to go. That is human natureFcav of us Avould Avillingly go back to the old Victorian days Avhen young people had no freedom and very restricted pleasures; when it. seemed that everything they Avanted to do Avas forbidden. Some may maintain that it helped to develop sturdy character, and

perhaps it did; but it also developed deceit and hypocrisy. The besetting sin of the Victorian era was luunbug.? We all know there are dangers on the pathway of vonth. And if your daughters are young and beautiful and filled with the zest for life, those dangers are multiplied. What are you doing about it— you parents of beautiful daughters? Forbid them their pleasures, and send them to bed at nine o'clock? I think you will make a mistake if you do. 1 am all the side of the young people, whom I love. I have two daughters of my own. They are beautiful—God help them. It has been my pride and misfortune to have to bring them up alone since they were ten and eleven years of age. I believe they have made good. I cannot give you the complete answer to the question: What shall we do with our girls? But I believe that an ounce of eommonsense wisdom is worth a ton of prohibition. Take them into your confidence and you will win theirs. Tell Them Facts They Avill respect you more; the}' will be more ready to listen to you. I believe that loving advice is more valuable than instruction and commands. and that to arm with them knowledge is better than to deceive them with fairy talcs, I don't pretend to be able to solve all your difficulties. I'm just telling you what I think about this particular problem, which is specially acute in these war times when the old standards are sometimes submerged by abnormal conditions. If you have daughters, don't put them in glass houses. Tell them the facts of life. Don't restrict their pleasures; if j t ou' do, they will revolt and run appalling risks. Arm them with knowledge, and they will be able to manage their own lives. Believe me, in this daughter problem we need infinite' understanding, a great compassion, and an ability to appreciate the young idea. Don't cramp them, don't bully them, don't restrict them. Go on loving them, and you will have their confidence and their loyalty.