WHY ARE YE FEARFUL?

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 05, Issue 65, 15 June 1942, Page 2

WHY ARE YE FEARFUL?

BUILD YOUR HAPPY MARRIAGE By Laurence Hope Some time ago 1 receh r ed a letter from a Avoman who told me she was very unhappy. Her marriage had gone on the rojks, although she and her husband were still together. Another man had come into her life. She wanted to kmnv whether she should break out of the bondage that had become irksome and hateful to her and accept the. new love that Avas on offer. Frankly, I cannot advise that avoman to leave her husband. 1 am not fajniliar Avith all the circumstances, and, in any case, I Avould not take the responsibility of urging her to take that course. The question of marriage and divorce is one concerning which people hold very strong, and veryi divergent views. It is a matter for the Individual conscience—and that is guided and determined by upbringing, religious faith, outlook, social obligations, personal and family considerations. There are many Avho think it is just as sinful am! immoral for tAVO peop e l<> liA'e together as man and wife after loac has flown and active dislike has taken the place of affection as it is to break aAvay and try to find happiness in other associations. The Church as a whole frowns upon the broken marriage and falls back upon the marriage service : "Whom God hath joined together

lot no man plll asi.nder." May Be Living Hell Society at large has accepted divorce, and there is even a strong movement in favour of making divorce easier. It would seem that most people with free and logical minds realise that the imperfections of humanity often lead lo marital tragedy, and that when marriage becomes a living hell—as it sometimes docs— those entangled in the chains should be allowed to escape and not be treated thereafter as social outcasts. This seems to me to be the commonsen.se view, although it is, of cuur.se, largely influenced by the particular circumstances. I think we have to be on our guard against a lowering of the standards of married life. There are some people who are prepared to [enter into marriage iighlly because they feel that, if they don't like it-, they <\'ta very easily get out of it. And there are people who almost regard divorce as a social achievement; who- are neither concerned nor dismayed at any moral stigma that may attach to them. They are not the people I have in mind, and I have little sympathy with them. I am thinking of the honest, decent, straight-thinking folk who happen to have made life's big mistake in marriage; of genuine, incurable cases of married misery—after earnest efforts have been made to avert shipwreck.

Don't tell me it doesn't happen. Numerous cases like this have com,' to my personal knowledge. Living together has become a torment. What are we going to do about these? Are we going to say that the repulsive misery of a mad mistake endure I'or ever—at least "until death do us part'"? Forgive me if I hurt your scruples—but to me it seems inhuman. In a previous article I have told yen that I believe iirmly in the institution of marriage. I believe, in .suite of what we hear about its wrecks and heartbreak, that, generally speaking, marriage is a success; that there are more happy marriages than unhappy ones. But are we going to condemn the married misfits to a life of misery until death brings a merciful release? Does ; t seem right; does it seem fair: does it seem reasonable? I am going to leave the answer with you. Xo. T am net shirking the issue. I believe it is a matter for j the individual conscience, and that t!ie decision depends very largely upon the circumstances involved. Ijul I do not think we can lay down any hard and fast rule about it. !t is because i have received so many letters übout my previous article on marriage that I am returning to the subject again. Shouldn't be Lottery I don't think we give enough con- i ;ideration to the very serious prob- j iem of marriage. I think we are too! ipt to regard it as. an emotional J experience which carries little re.-! ;ponsibility so far as the art of. serious living is concerned. j We should not just marry on the 1 iiirge of passionate desire and trust o luck that we're going to draw" a winning card in the lottery of life. . Some people say marriage is a lot-

tery. It isnt'—or if sliouldn' be! We should p'nn f'or married happiness just as wo plan mr neat little house in 11oneymoo;v-' a ne. Happy marriages don't come just by chance. We have to build them. Life isn't a lucky dip, and you cannot expect to win marital bliss and harmony just by wishing and hoping. You've got to do something about it. Do Ave do enough—any of us? Successful marriage demands the highest dualities avc have. It calls for restraint, understanding, mutual trust, unselfishness, compaironship, co-operation. Tf these are reared and fostered on the basis of love, Avhich is the foundation of married life, avc can reasonably hope to weather the storm of adversity, the slough of indifference, the agony of doubt, and the hell of jealousy. Worth an Effort Do Ave do all Ave can to held the precious, comradeship together Avhcn it shoAvs signs of breaking under the strain? Believe me, it is Avorth holding. Hold on to your loa 7 c. Don't let it die. Feed it, nurture it. Remember the ecstasy of those courting days. You cannot alAvays be on the hilltop of rom.'ii 1 ;i but you can find peace, comfort, comradeship. Happy marriage calls for an effort. It is something you have to make. It Avon't be handed out to you by the gods of chance. It's Avorth an effort, don't you think? And Cor those who have tried, and failed—really tried and held on almost beyond t lie point of human endurance? Shall they be alloAvcd to escape and be given another

chance? I say it is a matter for their oavh conscience—and he that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone.