THE BATTLE OF "KNOBBLY" HILL

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 5, Issue 62, 8 June 1942, Page 2

THE BATTLE OF "KNOBBLY" HILL

OR NO. 1 EXERCISE IN IMAGINATIVE TACTICS

I*y Thaies. Very lew arc privileged to witness from sonu' sale vantage point a real battle on the grand scale. Yet it lias been my goed ! I'ortune to do so. I have seen tanks supermarine Spitfires, huge pieces of artillery, mortars, Tiren guns, Lewis guns. Tommy guns (gals), Drownings and hand grenades, all firing find bursting at one and the same time. Tf you conclude from the above that I have been in (Irecce or Crete, you will be disappointed. T have not l)een out of New Zealand lor 1«> years or more. Still. 1 assure you that all this did happen. I have witnesses. This extraordinary narrative is not the result of some disordered imagination. T saw it all with m> own eyes. Moreover, although the actual battlefield seemed to spread for miles and miles, it all took place within an area of less than 10011. by 30ft. In fact within the four j walls of no less a place than the Taneatua Hall. The affray will go down in history as the "Battle of Knobly Hill." lvnobly Hill was a strange geophysical formation composed! of four Home Guards who were instructed "to look like a hill" and was located in the foreground of the defences left sector. Range 800 yards. I saw some weird and 1 bloody battles fought out round this hill which seemed to be (unfortunately for the hill) the point at which every pinccr movement closcd; (the attack always developed a pincer movement) . It was during one of these gory affairs that I saw a sergeant just as he was about to demolish a machine gun nest with a mills bomb struck down by a hit on the head with a gun butt: easily the mosl cold blooded incident I have evoi

witnessed

The most comical things; happciv cd in ''tea-tree gully." This; depression was a long funnel like valley with a width of 9 inches and length of 30ft formed by, the scats of the hall. Tea-tree gully was covered', by mortars and machine guns, and. "when firing commenced the echoes reverberated like the sound of heavy thun der. You would hardly credit the noise that can be created by serious stem-faced gunners when they are intent on their work. To simulate n mortar explosion the floor is. bumped heavily with the heel of the hand, while to say "puta puta. puta, puta" with great rapidity (try it) will, always obtain a passable imitation of a machine gun or- tommy gun—the sound of heavy artillery is a little more technical and involved, but from what I could see of the ballistics expert lie seemed to be wielding a piece of board against an empty app'e box. His rhythm was a thing of wondrous beauty.

But to get back to Tea-Tree Gully I saw elderly,, respectable farmers crawling up and down this valley like ants, and on one occasion actually saw a brigade commander slip through on his stomach, and so rapidly' that a lizard going through a drain pipe had nothing on him. Among the highlights of the performance was the way in which competing commanders worked out tactical problems under trying conditions. I actually observed a piece of strategj r which for imaginative excellence made some of Timoshenko's! moves look like a game of Ludo in a chess club. ("Space forbids it being recorded here). But of all the impressive things 1 saw on this day. the most impresp sive was the expert who. conducted the proceedings. This magnificent figure strode through the performance in much, the same way I hat Napoleon strode through history. lie war, here there and everywhere. When the defence was in danger of collapsing he would drive the attackers back with counter offensives and break tinoughs- -then just as the attackers were becoming demoralised he would, fake over their command and in the twinkling of an eye the whole position would be reversed. This strange sec-sawing battle lasted until 1 1 .10 hours when the expert (wearying, of the monotony) actually fought both sides and once and completely routed them on his own. Then he got them all crawling. He threatened, eajeV;!, enticed and intimidated, until, eventually everyone was crawling. And how they did crawl. They looked like a swarm of locusis in a Chinese famine. And the funny tiling was, that the more they crawled the more they wanted to craw!. I .-aw one corporal in a burst of enthusiasm crawl through a rifle barrel. Before lie got through his pack caught in the breech and - his ardoui

his ardour

suddenly cooling oil —lie expanded into the rilling of the l.a'rcl. 1 hey liticl. a terrible job dishmging t' l " dlsl .racted l'ellow until .sonic one. iiad a brain wave, and started to unwind him in much the same way as one unwinds a screw. He was extracted looking very much like an elongated coach holt, but lie stil! continued to crawl; only this ti!:>:' he weaved his way forward with a queer, spiral motion. II was' fascinating to watch him trying to orient himself.

On another occasion I observe:! a platoon commander in a lumbe;' jacket crawling up the wall like a land lost, lobster. In wonder J watched him make his way across the ceiling U> I lie cover of an electric shade —from this position and hanging suspended by his lelt loot lie fired 10 rounds of rapid concentrated fire at a power house (invented I understand by a corporal with a highly fertile imagination). He (the IMaloon Commander) was. finally dislodged by tin- bespectacled youth who manned the alorementiened apple box. It was a magnificent shot and the <> incli shell pierced the suspended platoon commander through the heart. He fell plump on Knobly Hill. Although rigormorts was setting in his eyes' still retained a look ot exaultedi iervoui. I sincerely hope lie gets a posthumous award for such a noble exploit.

Thus ended the great battle in a crescendo of sound and fury. I hope I see another one like. it. It Mas the finest exhibition of mass-

suggestion I have seen

No! I was not intoxicated

I am given to understand that there is a more serious side to this battle but I am not well enough versed in the problems of higher strategy to be able to record itAt this stage one of the spectators ran amok with excitement and. impaled himself on his own bayonet. He looked ghastly. It- was an inglorious finish to a promising career.