The Cow Country Chronicle And Butterfat Beaconette

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 3, Issue 286, 24 March 1941, Page 2

The Cow Country Chronicle And Butterfat Beaconette

MAKE A NOTE OF THIS COWS DON'T GO ON STRIKE Loud mooing in the back paddocks indicates that the cows are holding an '.ndignation meeting, a mother's meeting or a stop-work meeting. So we investigate. Notebook and pencil in hand we ask Mrs JerseyCross what's what. "We cows are annoyed," she replied, snorting and stamping vehemently. "Look how the daily press is full of news about coalminers, railway workers, wharfies and others taking time ofl' to air grievances, while the Government pleads with them not to go on strike while the war is no. What goings on ! "What going slow !" we suggested. "Exactly," agreed Mrs JerseyCross. "We girls who fill the buckets night and morning are pained at the lack of patriotism displayed hv certain groups of the human race. We girls have no 40-houi week. We are cither eating, chewing or standing in the cow yard. Mir Nash asked for greater production, so we took bigger bites of grass and filled the buckets brim ful. Can we do more to help New Zealand's war effort ?" "You cows have certainly done your bit," I remarked thinking of how the ships Clansman, Otimni and Vesper cross the Whakatane bar loaded to the plimsol line Avith Rangitaiki butter and Opouriao cheese. "Do you ever see us threatening to go on strike or stopping work because of a shower of rain ? No von don't. And you don't see headlines in the N.Z. HEAR-ALL sucli as : 'Cows on Strike : Demand Overtime Pay and 40-hour Week.' Yet that is what rome of these human beings are doing. It's not fair," As a matter of fact it does seem a fair cow, doesn't it ? Note : The following expression of loyalty has been sent by local cows to the Prime Minister : The loyal cows of Rangitaiki (Up to their knees in clover) Intend to keep on milking Until the war ir. over."

CITY GIRLS FOR FARMS WHAT THiS COWS THINK ABOUT IT So many farm boys going off to camp next mo-nth. Its the talk of the cow yards. Daisy, strawberry and other old girls will cry when the boys doff denims and guirboots and don khaki. Their theme song will be "The Soldier's Steer" (Tear). So who is to milk them in future. It looks like the boss av ill have to get some of these Land Girls from the city. Imagine Farmer Giles removing his old milking hat and bowing low to the top of his gumboots and saying : "Wielcome to my humble cowshed Miss De Vere and Miss Montmorency ! So patriotic of you to

Edited by Esop Junr

forsake your bridge ])ar 11os and tennis afternoons in Remuera to help me out with the legropiilg and stripping till the boys come home." Whereat Miss De Vere and Mi's' 7 Montmorency will take out powder puffs and mirrors and endeavour to disguise their faces. Farmer Giles will introduce the leading ladies of his herd, thus : "Strawberry old girl, meet Miss De Vere and Miss Montmorency who are helping to man the farm while the bqys are e way." It is sure to have an uplifting influence on the cows. They will have to mind their p's and q's and put their best foot forward (or backward in the case of being legroped), How delightful to hear Miss Montmorency say as she unties the legrope and opens the door of the bail : "Good-bye Strawberry, so pleased to have met you. So do please call again to-morrow." And as for Farmer Giles—he will shave every day now and polish .up his gumboots. Well it's O.K. with the cows, but what will Mrs Giles say—and do? MUSICAL INTERLUDE LOCAL COMPOSITIONS AND CANS A local musical composer has achieved fame by writing a patriotic song. But of course everybody has read about it in the BEACON and probably everyone is already whistling "Sons of the Diggers." It is later and greater than "The Siegfried Line" or "Roll out the Barrel." If you don't believ.; that you can buy a copy and try it out. Why not have a song telling how the cockies are carrying on back on the Bay of Plenty Home Front ? Our local composer should be able to oblige with something entitled "The Cows Thpy Left Behind Them" or "Pack up the Strippings in the Old Cream Can."

Just a note of warning however. This has been tried before by 'Esop," who had no success. His rural ragtime effort was as follows: "I'm only a can, a dented old can Banged about by the factory "man Knock me about as much as you like I'm no 40-hour wecker, so won't go on strike • I can swallow twelve gallons of cream every day Con any old booser do better ? I'll say. This sounded all right to me. A week or two afterwards the postman brought me a letter from the solicitor for the Amalgamated Union of Can Washers, Can Tippers 'and Can Collectors as follows: "Our

union wishes you to know that cans are not ill-treated at the dairy factories. They are treated (in the words of a well known advertising dentist) with "gentleness and extreme care." What you say is libellous in the extreme. Please send along your cheque for £1,000,000 to settle this case out of court. So I sent along cheque for same. It was a touching end to my song. ■KBHHiaillß