ROUND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 2, Issue 253, 23 December 1940, Page 5

ROUND ABOUT

The driver, by the way, was perspiring because for twenty minutes.refusing to acknowledge the drawbacks of a cracked cylinder casing, a broken driving rod, and one oj two other incidentals, he had worked very, very harci with the crankhandle. And the Inspector. Well, insurance agents cross the street when they see him approaqhing. And he has taken for his motto: "What goes up must come down." That particular case, where .idmost a completely new engine wil 1 be required, reminds me of the sto-v of the Maori. Conversing with tlT* garage mechanic while the latter was performing a major operation his car, the Maori said. p Korry, you know, boss, when ,v ' salesman make me buy the car I'-1 '- tell me it has twenty 1 think nineteen of the horses died, eh!"

: ' (By A itch el) With Christmas' justaround the corner a word or two of advice on the purchase of presents will not be amiss. Discrimination in choice of Sifts is an art. It requires a certain education and experience and once yon have those you have the thrilling power of a virtuoso'. You can play . on the heartstrings, inspire emotion, and what not. Without them you are at a loss. You may fluke things occasionally but for consistency you must have knowledge. Discrimination is the secret. Knowledge is power, said a sage. He knew what he was talking about and did not give his toothless grand-* mother a coconut. You see lioav important it is. j Your ageing Aunt Allie has left you in her will. She should be {at the top of your gifts list. The nov-» ice might give her a mirror. This would be disastrous. See the point? In Real Portland) Style. « But be of good cheer. Master %h,e theory of what and lioav, and unnecessary suffering need not be your portion. Neither will your relatives and friends be thrown 4nto great travail. Family bonds will verily stay sti-ong, the bonds of friendship . (those things which have been cemented so many times by visiting politicians) draw tighter. For instance. To send a bottle of hair restorer to Uncle Bert, who is as bald as the proverbial billiard, ball, will not increase avuncular regard. In fact a great breach of relations will probably occur. Unless Uncle is a humourist. But you should know that and if he is, send him a bound vo'i-* ume of Round Abouts. Hn the same category is the des* patching of reducing powders to Auntie Trudy. She might eat too much pastry but. she will not appreciate your gesture. , You may think you know it alii but faux pas at Christmas are as thick as politicians' pledges at election time. . And peace and amity are destroy-" ed in a season of goodwill Nephews and pieces are expunged from wills. Wives nag husbands. Lovers part. This Could Apply to Whakatane. If he on whom your blessing wall fall is a member of a local body, do not send hi'm a book on speaking. If your friend or relative is a policeman please refrain from giving him a treatise on. the cure ot flat feet. And the fond mother doss not appreciate it when, her attention is drawn to possible filial short comings as outlined in a 'Problem Child' handbook.

* ' m Usually they are appropriatebut they are not welcome. You have now, perhaps, got the idea. Radiant with that power which only this higher knowledge can bring, you may go into the bazaars and emporiums of Whakatane. And make it snappy. Delay is a fatal thing. Leave Christmas shopping too late and nothing will save you. You will be in the cart* With a last-minute bunch of'amateurs you will scramble in the mar-ket-place . It will be catch-as-catch— can. Boots and all. No holds bar-* red. You.will not have time to exercise discrimination. You may have heard tXat crashing, tearing, banging and agonyprotesting squealing one afternoon last week. Few could fail to hear it. It drew excited telephone calls from far afield and anxious enquiries from Home Guardsmen. It sounded like a combination of battleships' salvoes; exploding whistling bombs and the former Kopeo-. peo fire siren. We traced it to the Hillcrest Road, at the foot of which we found an ancient car, a perspiring driver and Traffic Inspector Delves. We have found Inspector Delves there before. Once lie was mixed up with, the wattle trees. Do you remember? And this occasion, too, was one of those forlorn liopesi—a car refusing to carry the Inspector up the;, hill in the course of duty.

On the command to stop, soma two hundred yards up the. hill of corrugated hills, the applicant for the - licence trod on the accelerator as he let in the clutch and the effort was too much for the ageing nuine. With six exploded protests 't departed this life and despite thi!\ .: iriwr's conviction that he could re- <■ its energy, it was the Inspec- : ' • having enough of risks, who ■ « the vehicle to the foot of • hill. - ' -

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