ROUND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 2, Issue 225, 14 October 1940, Page 5

ROUND ABOUT

(By Aitchel)

The young Whakatane man who had been called up explained volubly that in his case there was no need for a medical examination. "I'm fit and I want to fight.,l want to go over on the next boat. I want to go right into the front line, but I want to have a hospital close, so that if I get hit no time will be wasted in taking me where I can get mended right away so that I can get right back to the line without losing a minute. Pass me in, doctor. Don't waste any time on me. I want to fight and keep fighting."

The doctor, however, insisted and when he had completed his examination he reported a perfect physical specimen. "You don't find anything wrong with me?" asked the man. . "Nothing." "But, doctor, don't you think I'm a bit crazy." •

If you take the risk and mention golf to anyone,, you have- to be pre- ; pared for 'Stop me if you've heard this one.' Following on the item of interest to golfers which appeared last week, camd the story of how one of the lads quoted excused his defeat by the other^ He doing the defeating, and lie had done it several times, has an • artificial leg. He defeated, when in the clubhouse following the victory . of his friend, was asked the reason, • and he spoke thus: "Every time the j blighter has beaten me it has been because his wooden leg . squeaked and put me off my game; ho oiled it and the strain of listening, for the squeak let me down.'* Which reminds me of another story, The Plus 2 man walked into the clubhouse in search of an • opponent". Of course, he never expected to come across anyone quite up to '

his standard/ but anyone would do to go round with. He . chanced, across a 'rabbit' andpopped the < question. ' "Oh; no," said the rabbit, -"I" couldn't possibly go round with you. I'm a 36 r er.'" "That's all. right," was the condescending reply. "Every time I drive or putt you just 'boo' or Svoof* and that will even things up.'* &o when the Plus 2 was 'about to connect with the pill at the first tee the 36'er 'woofed,' and the drive was not-so hot. At the next and succeeding tees and greens the rabbit said nothing. He just sat on his haunches ; and stared. This proved• very unsettling for Plus 2. Returning to the clubhouse someone asked: "And how did you get on?" "Well," said the rabbit, "as a matter of fact I won." "You won! ! Good Heavens! ! What was the margin?" "I won," said the 36'er, "with two 'boos' and a 'woof' in hand." ■ • / -

"We'll liricl a perfect peace, where joys will never cease" . .... but we will not find it in the Whakatane County, apparently. .'Requiescat in Pace' has been inscribed, on » the tomb in which the Ohope learn-to-swim pool controversy lias been interred, for, although the pool may J be, the war its proposed erection generated has finished. And indications towards the conclusion of that affair pointed to another outbreak —with the Rural Housing Scheme coming up in the lift. The storm, of course, has long; since broken. ; It is still raining. ' ■ » • .' Just in case some of yo.u-in the country should require to know the correct' time while in the city, either for that ride home or .just simply to adjust, your watches after they have been hanging- on the nail , - for a week or two, lemark that neither the Post Office clock nor the Beacon Office is a reliable guide. The former is either boardejJ over (undergoing repairs) or else is a fixture at 11.57. Strange that the , hands should so often stop—strange still that they invariably stop at

the same time. Can you guarantee the time shown by -the Post Office clock? I set my watch by it and then found that Big Ben, heard - in the Daventry broadcast, was thirty seconds slow, 9 In support of his suggestion that nations suffer far niore from bein£ , unable to understand each other's ' • humour than from speaking differ- . ent languages, an English, columnist ; , repeats the story of the Huns in the Great War and Bruce Bairnsfatlter's cartoon. The German General Staff decided that field officers would be -Vbetter able to extract useful informationfrom British prison:- voters of war if they understood the humour of the British soldier. With Teutonic thoroughness, a picture by Bruce Bairnsfather was secured and several thousand . copies distributed where it was thought they would do most good. The picture showed a couple of mies moodily.. surveying their , quarters in one wall of whicbt was an iirimense hole. "Lumme!" says one, a newcomer to the Front, "wot done that?" "Mice** says the fed-up veteran. And! underneath, was thoughtfully added by the German authorities: "Of course, it wasn't made by. mice really." - (Continued foot previous column}, . ;■ - - . Vvi