ROUND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 1, Issue 93, 27 November 1939, Page 5

ROUND ABOUT

(By Aitchel) 'I hough the title of this column is Round About, which suggests aa odd little twinkling something about something about, I had intended to devote the whole space to one topic every Aveek. I can't do that now because I must tell you a story brought back to the town by one of the loeai citizens spending a term in camp. Seems as thougn one fellow, evidently a farm-hand, decided that he didn't like the atmosphere of the militaristic business, so he bowled up to the O.Cj. and told him, very gently so that he wouldn't , wound the O.C.'s feelings, that he couldn't get along in camp; in fact, he said, lie wanted to give a week's notice! Strange but true. The O.C. hasn't closed his mouth yet but the i{ecruit doesn't know that. He was last reported passing through Kaikohe and travelling at top. * « ijt Another from the Strange but True Department. Two ladies were listening to the band at the Exhibition. Said one: "That is something from Wagner, I think." Said the other: "I think it is a nocturne of Chopin's." Said the first: "I'll go and look on the announcement card. And back she came to her friend with the words "We're both wrong It's a refrain from Spitting." .... And then there was the local man I was speaking with the other night. "Things aren't so hot," he said, when I asked him why he was going into the restaurant for his dinner, "I'm baching. The wife's got the 'flu." "Oh, yes, and how is your wife getting on them?" "Oh, she's starving." » 9 * * I won't say any more about him except to thank him now for the inspiration contained in the following: "Here is a story strange as it may seem, Of Hitler the Nazi and his terrible dream. Being tired of the Allies, he lay on his bed, And among other things he dreamt he was dead. He'was all straightened out and lying in state And his little moustache was frozen w r ith hate. And when he was dead he found to his cost, That his plans and his passport tothe next world he'd lost. He went from this earth and to Heaven went straight, Proceeded proudly to the Golden Gate. But Peter looked out and in a voice loud 'and clear, Said. "Hitler the Nazi! He can't come here." So Hitler turned back and away he did go, With the greatest of speed, to the regions below. But the look-out man was well worth his hire, He flew straight to Satan and gave him the wire. So Satan said, "Fellows, I'll give you a warning, I'm expecting Herr Hitler down heve this morning. Now I'll tell you plainly and I'll

Now I'll tell you plainly and I'll make it clear,

That we're too (dashed) good for that fellow down here." "Oh, Satan, oh, Satan," Herr Hitler cried, "I heard what you said while standing outside. "Oh, give me a corner; I've no where to go!" But Satan said, "Nix! A thousand times, No." Then he kicked Hitler back and vanished in smoke, And just at that moment Herr Hitler awoke. He jumped right up in a lather of' sweat, Crying, "Doctor, this is my worst dream 3 r et. To Heaven I'll not go—that I can. tell, , But it's a dashed awful thing to be kicked out of Hell!" * * * * Hitler's First Commandment reads: Thou shalt not have any other Herr but me, even if thou are of the masculine gender. I asked the Humourist how he had learned to use both hands equally well. "Well," he said, "my father always told me to cut my finger nails with my left hand because I may lose my right some day. Me sje * » Hitler's Second Commandment is: If thou should Irave another Herr* • don't wear it the • as me* f ;