ROUND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 1, Issue 90, 20 November 1939, Page 5

ROUND ABOUT

(By Aitcliel) Said someone, talking about matrimony: Marriage is the insane desire on the part of one man to keep another man's daughter for life. * « * e A rather amazing thing about the whole business is the extraordinary large number of chaps who have I that desire. There is one fellow, though, and he lives not so far from this town, Avho has objected to keeping another man's daughter for the fifty years that he has lived since he became of an age to think of that sort of thing. * # * * Asked one day why he was still a reasoned thus: Think I'll go into a butcher's shop, buy a pound of steak, and then have to give a woman half just for the cooking of it! * * « * And then, one day last week the subject "Modern Marriage" came to the fore and two were heard discussing the modern habit of getting mar ried without fuss, you know, the bride in a costume or something like that instead of the flowing bridal business. Observed the lady, "It may be alright, but her wedding-day is the greatest day in a girl's life and they like to have the wedding-dress, and the veil, and the bouquet, and the music, and, in other words, the whole works." * * » m Then modern thought, or a feeble attempt at cynicism, prompted the member of the stronger sex to remark that girls probably do look for-; ward to the parade and music, in fact, the whole business, because they will have such a day only three or four times in their lifetime. $ a a * You may be wondering why the matrimonial column. Well, I'll let you into a secret. I had a letter from from a chappie last week and he wants my advice. I think that it will be a good idea if I let you have his letter to me, and here it is.

* « * • "Dear Aitchel, Having read your columns, I have come to the conclusion that you are a man (or a woman) possessing common-sense and brains far above the ordinary, and I think you are the only person capable of advising me oh a matter of some delicacy. I don't know quite how to unburden my heart, but doubtless you will be able to read between the lines. Briefly, my trouble is this. "I have been going with a girl (walking out) for the last nineteen years. I have hesitated to ask her to marry me (I am blushing as I write) because I am not yet certain that? she returns my affection.

"We have been to the pictures three times but we did not hold hands. Once she dropped her bag and allowed me to pick it up for her. Another time she dried my handkerchief after I had soaked up,the tea she spilt at the Church bazaar. "But the memory I cherish is of the time we both drank out of She same cup. I was thrilled to think that' I had so nearly kissed her. "Do you think that such occasions of intimacy are evidence that she (I hardly dare to write the word) loves me ? "Please advise me and also let me know, if you consider that she cares, whether you are willing to ask Miss Betsjr to marry me. Or perhaps you will think it a better idea if I send her a 'conversation lolly.'" Yours in trouble, I. MAFOOLE. c * * m Well, I iixed the whole caboosli for him. I won't tell you how or what advice I gave. But one thing I will tell you is that I am prepared to settle any small matters like that. Just drop me a line and I will answer through this column, or by post if a stamped addressed envelope is enclosed. afc 56 a * A message from the poultry world says: if the Avar keeps on long enough, Europe may face a complete annihilation of poultry, at any rate in those areas where shellfire or bombs can be heard. This is not because, hens are among the creatures directly hit, but because of the effects of shock on the unhatchedchicks. • * * » Now I was never a poet but it occurs to me that if The Outsider were handling this particular assignment, he would record something like this; Oh, mother dear, said Chick, I fear The shells that screech, the bombs. that slain; [And that, within a shell myself, I'll need the company of Ham.