OUT AND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 1, Issue 78, 23 October 1939, Page 5

OUT AND ABOUT

(By The Outsider) Slow to wrath our local bodies may be, but once they make up their minds they fear no foe. This is beautifully exemplified by the fact that the Wanganui Harbour Board "has served notice on the owners of the Port Bowen . . . under a bylaw ... to remove the steamer from the beach." They tell me the skipper burst into tears when he received the official notification. "It's not fair" he said. "Aren't we trying to do it?" If this stern local body succeeds in its attempt it might next turn its attention to the overseas situation. It could pass a by-law and order Hitler to stop the war and abdicate. However, its chances of success in either capacity may be remote. * m m m Stop me if you haven't heard this one, but it appears that Corporal "If I were a Marrying Girl" Stewart Avas standing out in front of the braves haranguing them on the subject of the .303 the other day. "Aiul,. fellows," says Jack earnestly, "look after this gun. Never ill use it. Never forget that it may be your best friend one day when you're in a tight corner." How long he would have gone on in this strain it is impossible to say, but the inside dope on the subject was interrupted by a stentorian shout of "Bullswool" from a pair of Bay of Plenty lungs whose owner lurked behind a nearby tent. Jack, probably regretted that lie got Fay to join the army. * * * # t Actually he is reported to have lured Fay in with the promise of a job. "IVe got two jobs" he is reported to have said, but it is not clegtr whether he added at the lime. "One is good and one is lousy. You can have the lousy one." * & * » Turkey apparently was not afraid to talk Turkey to the Soviet. And Turkey is one country Comrade Stalin eouldn't gobble up. * * « * It was a riot of fun round at the church bazaar the other day. Fortunately, though one was knocked over and savaged at the apron counter, one managed to crawl away to safety. ,i

A friencl of mine says he always joacrlks at that type of entertainment. He says that he attended a village dog show pn one occasion He had an altercation with an Alsatian, and it cost him S';ven guineas medical expenses. > He loves people to ask "Did it bite you?" for he knocks them back ; when he says "No, I bit it.-* # # * # How Opotiki loves to turn the knife in its own wounds, or iub them, full of salt. They publish a paragraph headed "Opotiki Methods" which reads: "Under the heading 'Opotiki Methods' the Whakatane Beacon has pub lished copies of letters recently forwarded to the acting Prime Minister and the member for the district lin connection with matters arising out of the public meeting held m ; Opotiki some time ago." i Next week I suppose they'll publish another paragraph saying "The Beacon publishes a paragraph headed "Opotiki Methods" from the News ..." and so on,-and so forth, world without end. » * * * The Lost Spinal Chord, or A Tribute to any police doctor: "Seated one night at the organs, "Weary and ill at ease, "I let my fingers stray idly, "Over the vertebraes. "I knew not for what I was searching, "Nor how I was doing, when "I struck one bone, that rang with, a tone, "Like a clue for the big G-men." « * « * Caxtoh's ghost dropped in to the press club the other night. As is befitting, the shade of the father of printing is a popular and honoured member, and universally esteemed for his experience, except that younger members are inclined to laugh at his preference for hand printing presses operated with a giant screw over rotary machines. However, he did some good jobs in his time and we bear with him. On this occasion the shade wns vibrating on a higher frequency than usual, an 1 his whiskers were fiery red instead of their usual snowy hue. He was obviously annoyed. "Just .h^said ; (Continued foot previous column)