OUT AND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 1, Issue 72, 9 October 1939, Page 5

OUT AND ABOUT

(By the Outsider) We can stand reading about these secrct talks in Moscow tor, though it gives us an uneasy feeling to know z that enemies are binding together e to -attack us, Moscow is of f: a long way off. This is a statement n that I have no hesitation in saying g can lie proved. it is a ba;t r state of affairs when this sort of - thing happens on our doorstep. - Said doorstep is at Ohope where,* ) according to information received ) From well-informed circles, there 8 have of late been held staff talks be- - twoen the toheroas and the mosquitos t all for the purpose Jf wanton aggression.. Like you, I was at fir,st inclined to dismiss such a sug-> 3 gestion as ridiculous, but there now 1 seenis to be no possible reason for doubting that the human race is (■; menaced by this sinister combination! . It all arose from the tolieroa which 9 made the recent savage attack {) recorded in our veracious columns, 0 It appears that the taste of blood 1 has turned this erstwhile contented 0 shellfish into a blood-lusting mon--1 ster. By means of brilliant propa--7 ga'nda lie was able to get control of 5 the entire bed and after a prelimin--7 ary period of organisation to extent! - his -sway to the cockle bed at Ohiwa. 7 After organising a protectorate? there he sought allies among the "" mosquitoes. I understand that the ,r attack when it does come, will be delivered by land ami air in overwhelming numbers. Luckily they have cut out drink at dances, so

that one will not be handicapped in any baek-co-thc-wall business by seeing double the true number of attackers. V qe * ® I thought this was almost humorous . One was talking to the host at thei cocktail slide when two latlies approached and ordered a few bottles of beer to take away. "And please," said one. "do wrap it up to look like a parcel of fish." « * * ■ % We are easily amused of course. We liked the reaction of the friend of ours who had been 'wised up* by his Auckland brother to expect an. addition to the family at any moment. He scanned the birth column. of : our great contemporary for some days, then one afternoon threw it? down dramatically. "Heavens," he said "I'm an aunt." DC ? ? » We seem have an inexhaustible supply of stupid anecdotes today. However this one is- worth recording as an, example of British phlegm, the well known cold-blooded

undemonstrative charactei- which! will win the war. One of the local bourgeoisie was cycling along flat out when lie came into violent collision with a traveller-looking type of g£nt, knocking him for the proverbial row of ash cans. The rammed gentleman rose to his "ret. picked up and undented his bowler hat, assisted the cyclist to his feet and said "Is this the way to King Street?'' It is far, far from my usual practice to pinch the coruscations of other scribes —did I hear that Auckland weekly paper crying feebly "water water"?—but I like the story in the motoring journal of the gentle man who was taken, ill with a heart attack. All ambulances were in service and a hearse-was sent to fbtclA him, and in this sombre-sided, glasspaned vehicle he was laid on a stretcher. It was rather unfortunate that

while hospitaL-bound they were involved in a traffic jam alongside aik open roadster in which two societybuds were chattering. In the middle of the chitter-chatter they noticed the transparent chariot alongside and piously withheld palaver, glancing; reverently through the glass where the figure lay deecntly fcomposed unr der a blanket. At that moment the "corpse'' caught their gaze, and i» spite of heartburn, appalled theipL with a slow and magnificent Wink. The effect was as. having a large and lustred eye. and heavy reef of an eyebrow, when he "gave them these" he made the wink: as physically massive as a shrug. The damsels hystericked and as the carriage rolled away they were seem to crash into someone's car and attempt with screams to explain all to a disbelieving policeman,. "I'll bet," the worthy gentleman, ad:ls when he tells the story, "that* they led better lives after that.''