OUT AND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 1, Issue 43, 31 July 1939, Page 5

OUT AND ABOUT

♦ (By the Outsider) The Antarctic winter had seized Whakatane in its "grip. The last boat for the Outsider had departed and a mixed crowd of chcchakos, igloos, mukluks and sourdoughs were huddled round the roaring stove in Tim's shack. The door was flung open and a, furLswathed figure made a dramatic entrance. It was Admiral Richard E. Byrd. , "Say folks,'' he said, "To unprecedented enthusiasm I have just taken possession of this extension of the? polar regions, Thirteen penguins, two polar bears, four Rangitaikf reps, and a white heron have formally affirmed their allegiance under a blanket 14-point plan on a six-front programme. I have claimed for the United States all that parcel of land marked A on Survej r Plan 12345AJ> delineated in red, Parish of Waimana,, comprising 6 roods 44 peaches, incorporating all Eskimos, goats, Bad Deeders v and other mineral deposits therein included. "This is a, glorious day for freedom folks. Forty thousand icebergs which hitherto have jay-walked without a vestige of traffic control now obey the traffic by.laws of New York S?tate. We have 14 glaciers, all splendidly adapted fort roller skating, which, I confidently will produce a Whakatane Sonja Henle* and a selection of blizzards that make you real glad to meet your mother_in_law. I predict this fair land will be >the queen state of the Antarctic. 7 '

The last words disturbed one of the oldest inhabitants who shuffled'nearer the stove and muttered ''We don't want no dratted Queen carnivals here." Remarking "This is a fa**-, far better thing" Byrd seized the dissenter and threw him through the door. "Out into the snow and take your shame with you" he said as he sat down in the ejected one's chair. The present European situation is described as a battle of nerves. By heavens, we'll fight it out to Peter* the Whaler's last aspirin. sj: * * * What our electricians hnve to bear! One was called out urgently the other day ito attend to a frenzied houses wife who said that her electric stove was out of order. Every time she turned it on it crackled and dense masses of smoke rolled out. The oI«J man M ould be home for his dinner iit an hour and what were they going to do about it? When he returned to the depot the serviceman's language was shocking in fact the air was electric and he wf-s transformed. "The so.and-so had let n rice pudding boil over, and hadn't had the sense to wipe the mess off the oven element'' he shorted. « * * * ''People w T ho drink too much coffee'' said the teacher ''get what is known as coffee heart.' The lump at the back of the class st'rred and waved his hand. *'Plea,s<s miss, if a boy eats a lot of sweets will he get a sweetheart?" he said. 1 * * * * There was a young man of Te Whaiti I Who said: "It's much warmer in Haiti "Our products are lumber, "And their's is the rumba i ''So that proves that we don't live i in Haiti."

* * * # Then there was the condemnetl golfer; who asked the hangman if he could have a couple of practice swings. * * s * SHANTY DEPARTMENT The Port Bowen, Didn't know where Ae was gowen. * sp * * Mr F. R. Picot knows his onions. * * * * Dipping of headlamps became couw pulsory a week ago. From now on Mr Semnle and his gentlemen of the* road will judge every motorist according 'to his lights. * # ® » The Soanish general who was dismissed the other day was apparently too frank for Franco. s * * * Within 200 miles radius of Wellington lives half the population, of New Zealand say,;< Wellington-Cham-ber-of.Commerce-blg.shot Captain S. S. Holm. Make it a 500 mile radius, Holmie old boy, and take the lot. « * * * New Zealand's drink bill, according to the N.Z. AJliance, has r>sei* from £5.000,000 in 1933 to £i>, 000,_ 000 in 1935. Yes we've progressed a lot since primitive home-brcwr days.