OUT AND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 1, Issue 40, 24 July 1939, Page 5

OUT AND ABOUT

(By the Outsider) I had only climbed af ew feet when a ringing bleat warned me to halt, and a pair of horns "were pointed me. ''Another Whnkatane borough spy, eli?" .sneered the senior goat in com-* mand of the outpost. "But—" said I. ''Butt me no butts" tbe commander with a threatening stamp of his hooves. I hastened to prociucc my press pass.

"Nice paper Glen is turning out these days" said the officer as iie chewed it over meditatively "It seems in order, and no doubt wijl be even' better now that the Canadians arc learning to make paper. All right, sergeant, take him to headquarters" Under the escort of a young goat who was dressed in a campaign-worn black and white hide, and carried fixed 'horns,, I was escorted to headquarters, where I found the generals issimo meditatively debarking a pohu tukawa. ''Welcome to the army of freedom. I am glad to see that a representa* tive of the world press has come to sec the truth for himself' 1 said the commander. He courteously offered me a few leaves of Scotch thistle and watchccl closely while I ate them. "That proves your name is not Cumberland," he remarked with a smile. "Now ask me just what you choose." ''What will the outcome of the struggle be?'* I asked. "If non-intervention is strictly adhered to by the county council and the harbour, board I have no doubt of our ultimate victory'" the goat said confidently. ''Many of my troopsare young, but their gallantry is undoubted. They are fighting for o cause against the mercenaries of thf? borough council.. «'I may say that reports of atrocities and looting are unfounded" ha added. "It is incorrect that one of my followers butted a small boy off his bicycle, and I can assure the public of Toroa --and Wairere streets* that full compensation wall be made for any spring bulbs y lettuces or clippings taken for the use of the troops."' Asked for a description of the fighting the commander said that earlier in the week the enemy attacked vigorously with mechanised troops, who fourid the -terrain too difficult and so parked his bicycle at the foot of the cliff and continu* ed on hands and knees under a heavy barrage. - , "Our outposts effected a strategical retirement'' said the generalise simo"' and, avoiding Hanking move.* merits fell back on the main body. The enemy lost two trouser buttons and a bootlace before occupying oi *• first position. ... ''Further heavy fire drove us back in orderly fashion but the enemy, although violating ; the rules of international warfare by firing on nannies and kids, was unable to break through anywhere and withdrew* when the final whistle went witb the game a draw. We have now re., occupied our positions on the entire front, and have sworn to hold them to the last goat. We are forming an international brigade of 'he Whakatane reps, whom Rex Jones made goats of at Opotiki, and we will soon be ready to become even more .offensive * * * « Our Rotorua contemporary announces that two bicycles are stolert in Christchurcli every day. If they were mine I'd lock them up after the first day. # # $ 9 A correspondent in our Great Auck land Morning Daily (alias "Grannie'*) sViggbsts Lord" Auckland as the next <3dve , rnor-Gfent»rai; : '' There is also a Duke of Wellington. ' ** • A "** « The Cambridge golf pavilion wreck, er was obvioush' trying.a few smashfe shots. * * 9 9 Are Mr Savage's remarks about withdrawing the guaranteed price a threat or a promise? « « * # Captain Davev has modified his statement that nobody works in this blasted country. Anything he said did not refer to New Zealand work, ors and at any rate was not intended for the blasted papers. * * * * ''Why don't we challenge the ol»l Rangitaiki players?" asked one of the Buccaneers the other day. ''How can we,"' cracked a .second one. "They're all tn the reps.''

"701bs of fat banished in "l 4 weeks'* Try Bonkora. Pleasant, quick, safe. F. G. Maeklow„ Wliakatane