OUT AND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 1, Issue 37, 17 July 1939, Page 5

OUT AND ABOUT

(By the Outsider) Sending one of the kids .slithering down the cliff with a neat butt, the senior billy-goat indicated a sunny spot beside him. '"Sit down Outsider, old boy,*' lie said, "I've got a story for you. There's something T want to put in the paper." 1 reached automatically for the sheaf of livers I usually carry as scrib bling paper, and was all attention at once. '"You haven't a copy of the paper on you, I suppose?" said he. T passed him a copy, and he commenced to browse through it with, the usual satisfied-customer look of enjoyment until he stopped at one of the locals and made a wry face. ''This bit has rather'a nasty taste* he said, indicating the borough councils instructions to the inspector to "change the habitation of the offending goats.'' ''Is that quite fair?" he r|'d. ''Here I am, a neighbour of yours, one of my cousins working for your contributor over on Whale Island, and you blandly refer to me as an 'offending goat. * What will happen if the inspector takes his instructions too lit-' orally? Who will he leave in town? You'll be the first to go your friend Jacko will go, the Domains Board • will go, Sam will go, Wish will go, "Sportsman" will the racing men will go, and so on. You see what I mean? The whole town is in danger. ''And then there is this point. Can 3*ou see Mo,, dressed in leather shorts, with a chamois tail in his Tyrolean hat T trusty rifie in hand, scaling these* crags, grimly intent on changing our habitation. Why, the things laughable. Mo's had both feet in graves for years and he couldn't do it.'* I changed my position from leeward to windward. Billy looked a bit pale but took another mouthful from* che farming notes. The kid had climbed the cliff by th : s time. His first action was to butt his sire in the ribs. "Leavfe father alone till he's finished his paper" bleated nanny. I slid down the frozen waterfall and came away. # * * • One of Whakatane's clerical gentlcv men had a caller the other day who sought the usual hand-out. His reverence was about to go out, but he pointed to his back garden and told the man to dig some of it ? promising payment. When the parson returned home he was delighted to find that about half an acre had been dug over beautifully, but he was puzzled when the toiler shot otf like the Taneatua express after he had been paid. The church investigated and ran through* the list of the minor l prophets when: he found thai only the top spit had been turned over. It looked a great job from a little distance, though. # * Germans in the Argentine are pre_ senting a crown to Hitler. There won't be any trouble getting some one to crown him s either. * * * * Things were so crowded at a local dance hall the other night that one of our members reports that he had to go round twice after he passed out before he could find a place to fall. $ $ * There once were two fellows of Tane. Who in public started to barney. When to their surprise. Out jumped Oscar R Quoth Oscar "The beak, won't be larn/ee!'' * * * * A lady of fair Waiohau, Shared her home with two pigs and <*. cow When I'said, with a smile, "The air's pretty vile'" She replied "I've just noticed it now** * * « * The heron rang me up yesterday to say that the boys are taking nex«» Saturday's engagement very seriously. All ar e in strict training. Ron and Toss have nailed down th~ tops of the dried apricot and prune boxes, Eddie has given up chevvinjf gum, Mac stands in front of his mirror for hours at a timr> say'ng ~80o T ' and ''Let go, please," Gurdy is arranging to biing a pound of butter to grease the Whakatane >idc m the ball so as to make fielding it diiTicult, and Tom has it all worked out that Rangitaiki is bound to win—on paper As for the Whakatane team Hakt has fixed up a little camp in tjitf ; Urcwera Country. ''Bit far away a tra'ning camp.. 5 isn't it Haki?" said I. "O.K. for a convalescent camp# though*' said the All Black-andJJlue