OUT AND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 1, Issue 17, 29 May 1939, Page 4

OUT AND ABOUT

I o I (By The Outsider) Something a bit hot came off tb» presses of the Opotiki News the other [ day in response to our cheery banter I concerning the relative armed I strength of Whakatane and OpotikiI The News boldly published what tlie Whakatane High Command supposed was an official secret, namely that the Opotiki army outnumbered us by four or five men. The BEACON i£<| able to announce that a traitor in high quarters in Whakatane has been found. He was beheaded at dawn, ou Saturday morning in the county coua cil yard and his accomplices, who I include a beautiful blonds spy of Opotiki extraction, and two sinister figures from the Te lvaha embassy, have been court.martialled and sentenced to life imprisonmeint on Devil's Islands (formerly the Rurimas)fi ts SS * * The BEACON also announces that a state of war now exists between Whakatane and Opotiki and that by the time this is published the enemy capital has fallen. Too long has Whakatane tolerated the cruel persecuI tions of her minority by the so.called democrats of and the outrages emanating from that I of the latest of the series being th c persistent annoyance to local fowl yards by low-flying aeroplanes. at * * « It was to avenge these constant insults to our sovereignty that general mobilisation was ordered .and an advance made via Waimana while a nav al blockade was instituted by the Out law. The Opotiki troops were found entrenched near Nukuhou and resisted strongly at first until Tim ar_ rived with the oranges and our glori-* ous men carried the position at the point of the bottle opener. The retreating enemy were hotly pursued and our bottle-Scarred veterans entered Opotiki on their heels. They were greeted with bouquets of choice raspberries from the newly-freed populace and shouts of "Ale" from Uncle. George and his council haive retired to Te Kaha whither we have sent a demand for their unconditionlal surrender. I « # * * I It has been found necessary to imI pose a substantial indemnity on Opotiki for their unwarranted aggression. As part payment the OpotikE bridge has been loaded.on couple of lorr'es and is being brought over here. Objects of art confiscated Include the memorial column on which a heroic statue of The Outsider on his trusty typewriter will be mounted. The Drill Hall is also to be shiftIcd over here and a start has been made with digging up the Opotiki aerodrome. A site will be cleared for it in this district by the demolition of Mount Edgecumbe, tenders for the job now being open. * * * * The only res'staace met with int Opotiki came from the neighbourhood of the News Office. There wa-i wme street fighting there but the resistance was quickly overcome and the staff of that paper met the penalty of their misdeeds. « * * * Raised Eyebrows Department. "I do not wish to embarrass the Government' says the Hon.. Adam Hamilton. Strike the Lyre Department. There was a young girl of Connecticut Who signalled J a train with her pecticut Which neighbours defined As presence of mind , But deplorable absence of ecticut. And also: — Ruth rode on a motor bike (Behind her favourite he . " Who took a bump at 65 And rode on, Ruthlessly. tic ¥ 9 9 And now about these big vegetables—and we. are if you have read this far, though this is doubtful— one of our staff tells me that his fr'end Wi Waikato informed him. that he grows fair kumikumi up at Te Teko. j "They the big joker, all right,'* ! said the guileless Bill. "The big rangitira of them all too big to move so I knock a hole in the side and the old sow eat her way in. My word Te Winihan', it the big kumikumi. The sow he eat it all out and have the young pigs inside. It good shelter so I leave him there nice and snug from the blizzard and the whirl win' and things. "But I lose them all te same. They all dead when I go there. All brained." . *■ ; " '3'' *■ : - "How?" said my innocent friend. "The seed drop and hit them '-on ■110 finp'T' <-"• 1 *>i>V