OUT AND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 1, Issue 14, 22 May 1939, Page 4

OUT AND ABOUT

'° 4 (By the Outsider) * Winter is ycurain in, ley Blastes bio we chill. Frank has Doffed his silken Robe, So also, has Willc. FutbalJers are heard Abroad. Aladde as any Hatters. Whakatane Yeoman cry: "Give us more Waitemattas.'' This quaint old English jingle will be p nasty slap on the wrist for our back page friend with his interest In .Maori a flail's as ft proves white set_ tlement here preceded the Maoris by , hundreds of years. The final word In r* the poem was obviously a word current in Chaucer's time to describe a training beverage suitable for footballers. We have progressed since, you see. . * :S * Most unreasonable remark heard lately was a peevish complaint by a young gent that Whakatane's lay out was all wrong. "Yes, yes," seme * one said, "I know the residential quarter should be where the Maori pH is. I've heaixl that before.' 1 Actually that wasn't what the first meant. What he disliked abouj, the place was that the sun shone in his eyes as he was' coming to work with a hangover in the morning. However. short of moving the sun so that it rises in Taneatua and shines down Commerce Street in the reverse direc- ' tion there is little we can do about it. * * He 3e After having written this I am appalled at my rashness. The Opotiki 1 >iews will probably write something stinging and accuse me of trying to pinch their sun.gc * J? f It was a sight to see tlv». motor cars parked out at the stud stock sales last week, all of -course, owned by heartless men from foreign parts, such as the Wajkato and Taranaki, who had come here to gloat over the sufferings of our oppressed farmers and snatch the prize stock of the district away. It reminded a friend of mine very strongly of the poser: "What does a Taranaki farmer do when min stares him in the face? 7 The answer is: "Stares back hard and buys a new motor car." This, of course, is very estimable behaviour under the doctrine acording to Michael. 3 * f ( * You wi]l be pleased to hear that the Bad Deeds Club is coming along very well. So far four members have been rash enough to cough, up their threepences and enibark.on a life of crime. MY MAIL BOX. Dear Outsider, I am a banker. May I join your league. I enclose 3d —all we have in the safe at the moment. LEN. Welcome in, Len. You're embarked ?n a life of cr.me from this momenta T.O. Dear Outsider. I am a stock agent. 1 enclose 3d—all the farmer had on him. May I join please. RON. Of course you may Gordon. A rare m old thug you'll turn out to be I'll ber bound. T.O. Des<r Outsider. I am a farmer. Here is my 3d. JACK. Well Jack, fancy being a farme» a,ml having 3d. I think you'll dowell. T.O. Dear Outsider! I am a seafaring man. I enclose 3d to join your merry band. KEITH. You qualify immediately Keith. All Waterfront gents welcome. T.O, * * 9 * I happened to "mention th a/fc Paroa produced ,big ,kumaras. Our horticultural expert,, wjth the pure light of Whakatane innocence beaming in his eyes,., brpke. into his dance . • , "Outsider, old boy;" he *'I grew a crop of kumaras once which' were so big that we had to get tim-< . ber jacks to get them out of the ground. Some were too big even for that, so we got a team of horses and a block and tsckle. After all that there was still one beauty we couldn't shift. We had to leave it. "I grassed that paddock and forgot all about it" he added, a* iho same time forgetting that my handle was the one nearest to his left hani. "and one day when_ I was showing a Tr'e/id over the farm plop! Up to our necks in rotten kumara. Took us 'iour s t 0 get out*." * # * # Ard so, dear public; I leave you. The drab week stretches-'in front of you, but-.watch put for n3xt big, instalment.