OUT AND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 1, Issue 5, 1 May 1939, Page 4

OUT AND ABOUT

(By the Outsider) A gentleman of pugnacious mien approached me the other day, declar. ing that all silent policemen should be consigned to an extremely torrid climate. He mentioned in particular the noxious dom e in the Strand. I have been inspired ,as under. Pleass4* yourselves whether you read it or not:— A curse upon the "dummy cop,'' Which seeks to make my ''Lizzie" 1 * flop. But like all necessary evils, Gout and mumps and moths and '.weevils It must be more or less endured, Or poisoned, drowned, blown up t^r skewered. The time will come when Highways Board With city fathers will* accord— And then without a bump or slide We will round "copless" glide. $ $ « 9 Undoubtedly I strike a nice lyre. Incidentally, I hav e struck a few liars in my sojourn in Whakatane. The angling fraternity never lets down. The first Waltonian staggered me by stating that the trout at Rotoiti were so big that he had to tie the outboard motor to the end of the line to lure them. The propel-» lor worked like a spinner, and when, the trout struck it swallowed the whole motor. "Dicl they jump?" I inquired innocently. ''I'll say" my friend replied. "Why one leaped so high /that we had to shoot it to bring it down,." That .rather unnerved me, but I was curious to see how long he could keep it up. "Sure was some jump,** I said withy forced admiration. "It was nothing at all," he answered. ''A big party of tuj went out; one day. I'll never forget it. Th&j fish were there in millions, and talk/ about bite! You couldn't go wrong. Did we play them! I'll say! Eacht trout as it struck jumped clean oat of the water. Soon the air was so thick with leaping fish that the birds had to crawl along the ground 1 * r. I gave it up. „ , * * * * Well, that's the sort of thing we> earnest seekers.after.truth encounter in Whakatane. It's either that or insults. Only the other day I was stab, bed in the back by a lady for whom hitherto I have had the greatest and. most respectful admiration. "So you're working for the Bay of Plenty Anaemic,'' she said. "Where does the Anaemic part come in,?'' I asked. "They tell me it has a very poor circulation," she said cattily. ■ !S * * * • The same woman asked me what headlines I would write to describe a man giving his railway sleeper uj» to a mother and her baby. I was wrong of course. Apparently the answer was "Man gives berth to baby** : ♦ # * * Overheard in The Strand Department. Mrs Awakeri Te .Teko: Well, Mrs Pdroporo how you like my baby, eh? Mrs Poroporo: Bit black. Look like the fly in the jug of milk. Enter aged wahine, who speak£^ Well, Mrs Te Teko,-so you have nrw babv. Wh-t te nice child. Jus* like te fata. Who te fata? * * * * After this brief gallop among the vital statistics we must turn our thoughts to sterner affairs. In pass, ing we will note that New Zealanders are still keeping up the old tra—. dition of running Australia. that Sydney's Anzac Day brawl over the Swast'ka was led by Pig Islanders. It just shows how degenerate Razorhurst is these days when they even have to import New Zealanders to run their best riots. ■ ■ ***■*, "R.utfbv Notes: Edgecumbe Whakftane in a friendly in the rain by 30 to 3. Dave cabled +ho incorrectly so Edge<nunbe won. He called again, incorrectlv so cumbe scored 30 points. "Thev weren't generous" he ?aid afterwards. "They even went into a huddle to decide whether they should give us the three points." — # TOUGH TRAINING 4$ Members of the Old Boys Football Club will commence training in earn, est this evening when a run has beent arranged to Ohope. The boys plan to muster at the Rock at and many are keenty anticipating , the sprint.