GOSSIP.

Bay of Plenty Times, Volume I, Issue 37, 8 January 1873, Page 3

GOSSIP.

‘ •f a,: ' : not ire here, and Co the manner t/nru.” suAKEerruK. —lt appears to mo that peace has prevailed long enough to permit tho Militia Act to ho suspended. It was almost ridiculous to boo the 3rd Class muster for quarterly parade, at 7 o’clock last Monday morning. This would seem to be tho “ old fogey ” company, composed of men who evidently wshed their rifles and belts at the bottom of the harbour. Some had evidently only awakened to a recollection of the parade a low eccondsjbciore trey cauio on the ground, having jumped into their clothes pitched on their bolts foremost, and, snatching their firelocks from the nail where (hey hung," reached tho ground out of brculh, and exhibited the instruments for inspection, gracefully festooned with ’ *Y' mid ornamented with specks of rust, “Late for parade,” in terrible tones from the commanding officer, are tho first words which ear. “jt will mark you absent .next “ Weapons in a disgraceful state,” &c., &c. Cull the roll, and dismiss tho parade.” “ Peter Quincef ” “ Here, sir; No. 2287.” (Exit Quince,) Kick Bottom, Snug, Flute, Snout, Ac., 'YYf!’ an ” parade is over, A conscientious ctruitm commences an ombomto explanation of tno reason why the spots won’t come out of Ids gun, but out short by a peremptory command ito open ms pm h, which ho docs in fear und trembling, leelii.g not quite sure whether it is in the right place or not, or whether he has not left his ammunition at homo. At the word “Unfix ! oa\a coufusea clanli of, metal ensues, and several in the ranks receive slight flesh wounds in various pa da of tue body from tho points of their neighbours’ bayonets before those can bo returned to tho sheaths. This parading may be all very well in disturbed or threatening times, but us far ;..j iluj custody of t rie weapons is concerned tho latter would be much better in store, and tho reluctant conscripts would be thankful to be relieved of the responsibility. ~-A female, _ signing herself “ JDu!u,” haa been filling some oi the American papers with what sue calls *' love song-' 5 ," >S’ao scorns to have but ono theme, and that is /. /-By;/. Hear liov also culls an imaginary lover to embrace her—- “ Ales me, ctarhag, when I’m happy, And kiss xna when I’m sad ; ixisd me often whoa I’m weary. And kiss me when I’m glad.” Now this is too much of a good thing altogether, although I could find more than ono “ ilaser ” in Tnurungn who I readily boliovo would outer tho list 6von wit h that “ kissesbut if he carried out her instructions I don’t aco how ho would have a chance to do anything else hut kiss her. If she keeps on calling out for this sort of exercise, the “ Bohemian ” would suggest to her relations to go to work and manufacture a kissing machine —something that could bo made with a bellows and valves, and in this manner manage to quiet end keep her out of print, the nasty thing, —At lastq the god of poetry has claimed mo aa its own, and under tho inspiration I have perpetrated the following suggestion fora MAl’iimoiKiAE. ADYEUXISKME3T : Must have a pretty face, color, and tone. All tho accessories strictly home-grown ; Eyes—hero I hesitate—rather like blue, Black not an obstacle, hazel, wou.d do. Nose of the Grecian type, not to seem proud, 9ome little latitude herein allowed. Figure that’s squeezA plump hut not fat, Pfccera clear of scragginess, couldn’t stand that • Quiet and ladylike, (...vW-cs with taste. Ankle displayahie, neat little waist. Sphere of home duties her element quite, Pie-crust, especially warranted light;; Little bit musical, able to sing- ‘ Kvangtdino ’ tired of, and that sort of thing. Liberal views as to pipe and cigar ; Pleasant o.d people papa and mamma. Pious and punctual, honest and kind, Teach in tho Sunday school if she’s a mind. Lady of such a stamp wanting a beau, Strictly in confidence, knows where to go. —Tho “ Bohemi .n ” a Benedict? Ha! ha! As old Cowley says—- “ At liobic, what pleasure ’ti« to see A little, clenr.lv, cheerful family.” ##"# # * # * “ Thus let, my life elide silently awav, , 'hip all night, and quiet all tho da}’.” And if Mob Bohemian, that, is to be, would hare mo paint the picture to which, could lovo fulfil its prayers, Side hand would lead her, listen:—A charming liltlo cottage on tho banks of a brawling mountain torrent., or meandering stream (take your choice, and select either of tho two you talley most pocMcul) —a cottage embowered amid a profuse wealth of foliage picturesquely varied ia hue : rnrset brown, vivid green, grey neutrals, warm ymrph ’he golden yellow of the prickly furze, the viu;.. bed vividness of tho lordly ngio, the quiet loveliness of tho “tea-tree,” and *the whole gi igeou-ily crowned with tho regal ruby bloseom of the imperial rot a. Parterres of heaven tinted fi.w.in f altered b-.i-idcaet over ami abovo ibo s». rd, gs accfai ethereal pursuit cs clinging with a loving firmness to fani.trCic cld trunks., would (if it cuno wit hin miles of this description, winch it does not) make Bohemian Cottage a moat clcstr.iblo place to live ia, *• Host thou like the picture ?” If not, you ought to, for it has monopolised nil my descriptive powers. “An inconstant man is despicable ; a faithless man is base.” Just so. Thru, dear Airs Bohemian, in fuiuro hear me swear : Till ballet girls obeying ib itc decrees. Have petticoats descending to their knees j lid modern ladies on their faces wear Roses that grow in Nature's own parterre. Till every Jill is happy whli her Jack, And folks that lend umbrellas get them back ; Tiil strongest onions fad to make us weep, Old Graham send In’s hearers off to sleep j 'till the public read tho ** Buster’s” leaders through, And the ” -Nightingales ” appreciate '* Ai ion ” too j 1 tu Taurang’j, milk is ronnecU-d with the cow. Maid of my bean,, I’ll love you e’en as now. Nor time, nor space, nor inspiration will permit more.