THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 236, 5 October 1928, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) THE PURIFIERS. Many men would become Communists if they did not faint at the mere sight of blood.— E. ShinweH, British M.P. Ho, knmrida ! Sharpen up yer knives, Let's cut some throats—it's flue! Wot matters if yer tikes some lives As long as it ain't mine? 'Taterfamilias" mentions that as he went to Remuera to visit a friend he came to the conclusion that woman is not ftlways the weaker vessel. As he THE TREE. approached the house the welkin rang with the strokes of a well-directed axe, and he presently espied a vigorous young lady falling a tree eighteen inches through. He thought as he watched the rippling muscles swelling in unison with each stroke that here is the ideal type that Frederick the Great had in mind as fit helpmeets for the men of the Prussian Guards, thus arranging for a succession of gigantic guardsmen. Apropos, M.A.T. has watched Gretchen of Sfouth Australia both falling trees and guiding the plough, Fritz calmly leaning over the fence watching the pleasing operations while smoking his gigantic pipe. Falling trees is a pleasant enough pastime for strong ladies who thus occasionally amuse themselves, but one would hesitate to take one's daughter into the presence of, say, a thousand acres of heavy bush, saying, "There you are, lass! When you've chopped that lot youH be fit to marry a soldier."

Now that the bus with bunks has become a feature of road travel in older countries, competitions have raged for a suitable name for the new vehicle. ENTER Among the words sugTHE SNOOZERS. gested are "Nightcouch,"' "Pyjama Car," "Dormibus" and "Dormi." Bus drivers themselves seem more expressive and fertile and already call them "Dossers" and "Kippers." You might even call them "Sopor Buses," "Charabunks*' or "Snoozers," and MAT, makes no chargs for the suggestions to Transport Boards. One is hardly justified in believing that a New Zealand "Snoozer" voold confer sleep, especially if motor cyclists continue to shriek along the roads murdering every chance of shut-eye for miles around. If an Aucklander desires to find out how much noise motor vehicles in the hands of the thoughtless can make he should lie ill in bed in Auckland Hospital and listen to the deafening din which persists from sundown to sunrise. Not a soul in the world says these dreadful people nay. "'Tis strange," said Tipperary Mac (who has never been to Tipperary but was born on the Thames goldfields), "that a perfect day like _ yesterday sends an old OH, MEMORY! fellow's mind winging back to the days of his boyhood. As I rode to my work on a bus and my eyes took in the glory of the 3pring morning, the beauty of the sparkling sea, the islands set like gems in sapphire blue and the calm loveliness of the distant hills, I was a boy again. What a procession of people passed along the beautiful creek tracks of the Thames! I distinctly saw old Felix La very passing the Big Kauri (a giant long since gone up in smoke) with his pikau of gum on his back. German Bill, a quaint character who wondered why his chimney smoked when we had put a sheet of glass on top of it, was there. Geordie Buchanan, always accompanied by a dog, the latter waiting patiently to accompany' him home after he had spent his pleasant weekends in a sociable manner. It occurred to me as in thought I wandered over Punga Flat and in memory again chased the frequent and pungent billy goat that many of the boys who helped me to do it made even sterner chases in France and Gallipoli and will never a«ain explain to their mothers about the mud "and goat hair on their clothes. Only yesterday I met a portly, well-dressed and highly-respect-able Auckland merchant. I couldn't bear to ask hun if he remembered the old schoolmaster who desired to know why he had suddenly gTown so corpulent and odorous. But he was the boy who, not knowing what to do with a goat rope used on one of our expeditions, had carefully wound it round his body and puUed his jumper over it. At the time I thought he should have worn it further down as a buffer against the dominie's supplejack." A Wellington paper, discussing motor problems, says editorially: "We have been slow to realise that the motor car has evolved nnnw, an entirely new traffic WAISn perspective. ... On the WAWTJED. mam highways the motor- ... ... , to-dav may travel at thirty miles and over. Manifestly the pedestrian should be called upon to adjust his movements accordingly." On the face of it, this must mean that the person who dares to walk will have to get up steam to match the speedmg-up car. Pedestrians, to keep in the new traffic perspective," must learn to run faster and leap higher. If they are to survive the penis of the road they will have to adjust their muscular gear up to, say, a thirty-five-mile rate. One looks to see a marvellous new race of foot-sloggers evolved by intensive physical culture to meet motorists' demands "Race' is right!—J.C.

Hero comes an old Lifeguardsman from Onehunga, who, having glanced at "The Passing Show, wished to scrunch the hand that does TWW rnreioc, And > incidentally, he THE CUIRASS, rolled back the long, long . . years when long, long recruits were in the capable hands and listened to the curses of the rough-riding corporalmajor For himself, his first riding-school mount was a decent old band horse who knew the words of command better than the budding trooper did and would W-a-l-k! T-r-o-t» with perfect decorum, but when the sharp command Gallop! came would do it with such smartness that long soldiers bit the tan in dozens, xne pay for these gorgeous men in the days of old was one-and-fourpence a day, and this was broken into by the authorities for part rations, barrack damages," and so forth. The brilliant silver cuirasses worn by the Lifeguards are lined with leather. On a certain field day the Onehunga man (he's really a Manchester man) was doing a field day with the regiment He perspired so freely that the leather lining of the cuirass stuck to his scarlet tunic and damaged it. He was ordered to obtain a new tunic, which cost four pounds ten, and which was stopped by payments of fourpence halfpenny per diem until the Queen was satisfied. Speaking of mounting guard at Whitehall, the old trooper mentioned that it's difficult to sit like a statue on a horse for any length of time, particularly in the fly season or when dear old comic ladies poke a fellow's charter with an umbrella to see if it is alive. The gallant old gentleman who served six years in the Household Cavalry says that after his first experience of mounting guard he dismounted and fell to the ground fainting. Still they make * pretty show, don't they? Inci- • *' 1,88 66611 these lovely men, in khaki, doing a forced march over shocking hills i0,,d0T ' CHAOTICS. ~~ ~ "P 1 ? dwmght having broken in the night the irrigated earth gratefully receive-' Eatpppousshreh Superphosphate. Pursuing the pleasant subject, may there be a large measure of