IN MERRIER MOOD

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 225, 22 September 1928, Page 2 (Supplement)

IN MERRIER MOOD

I I "II 1 m D m Vi> for the beat anecdote sent in each week a prize of ■ ■ *"< c Five Shilling* will be awarded. While in judging ■ ■"* . 2b| JOT preference will be given to local stories, contribu- b*bß n™ -iy tions need not be original* bnt in all cases the JOCSt source from which .taken should be stated. The ssMf C*/%*%m Editors decision must be regarded as final AH ■ ' OwTjr anecdotes intended for competition must be I received at this office by the Monday preceding 11 publication. The envelopes containing contributions must m Bbe endorsed-with the words "Anecdote" in the top left-hand corner* and addressed Editor* The Auckland Star." Auckland 9 •JBB HHRI BM BSjm SjMBJ SSSJBJ BJBSSJI SSJBBJ Sj SjBJ BQQB BSSBB |>BBJ| fr^V ■MB snasa ■«»•■ «— -_ _— ____ ■■*■ BjSjfl

The prize this week goes to A. Harrison, Richmond Avenue, Northcote, for: THE PARSON'S QUESTION. Many years ago an old preacher used to visit the country schools catechising the children. He always asked the same questions in the same order. In one school the old schoolmaster remembered, this, so he always sat the children in the same order, so that they could always answer the same question. However, the preacher arrived unexpectedly 'one day, and the first little boy in the class was out of the room. He asked bis first question: "Who made you," but got no reply. He asked a second time, but still got no answer, so said to the little boy, "Didn't God make you?" "No, sir," was the quick reply, "the little boy God made is out washing the inkwells." VANISHED. Proprietor of Small Theatre: I say, where's our queue gone? Doorkeeper: It started scrappin' and a policeman pinched both of 'em. PUNISHMENT IN ADVANCE. "Why are you thrashing your little son?" "He will get his school report tomorrow and I must go away to-night." MODERNISED. , The modern equivalent for locking the barn door after the horse has been stolen is blowing out the match after the gas tank has blown up. *. ALL THAT'S LEFT. Mother: Oh, yes, they say Vs got 'is father's nose, 'is mother's eyes, and 'is Aunt Emily's hair—apart from that the kid's face is f s own. i — ROBBERY. , She: That's Mrs. Brown's* new sealskin wrap—it looks more like rabbitskin to me. He: Yes. • Someone's evidently been tampering with the seals. HIS REVENGE. "Where are you going T* "To the next village to post a letter.' "Why not post it here!" "The postmaster won't buy his eggs off me now and so I won't post my letters in his pillar-box." A BAD ACCIDENT. "Have you ever been in a railway accident!" "Yes, I once went through a tunnel and kissed the father instead of the daughter." HIS BEST POLICY. ' Teacher (preaching on honesty): Now, Fritz, if you found a shilling, would you keep it? Fritz: No. sir. Teacher: Good, what would you do? Fritz: Spend it. LOOKING BACK. He (rather taken with lady who has coyly disclosed her age during conversation) : Thirty is a nice age for a woman, don't you think? She (sweetly): Yes—especially when she happens to be forty! SMALL GAME. "Life's a comic business. Before the war I was a professional elephant hunter." x "Really! And what are you doine now 1" "Trying to sell insect-powder." CRUSHING REPLY. A sweet young thing gazed pensively at the peaceful rural scene. To the old farmer she said, "Why are you runnin* that steam roller thing over the field?" "I'm raising mashed potatoes this year," replied the farmer. THE BIGGEST LIE. An American and a Scotsman made a bet as to who cooM tell the biggest lie The American said: "I once saw a man swim up the Niagara Falls." Scotsman (unmoved): 'Are von sure? * * American: Yes. Scotsman (still unmoved): Well I was the man. ' SOON LEARNT." • " M £ . d l ar /' remark ed Jones, who had just finished reading a book on "The Wonders of Nature," "Nature is marvellous! When I read a book like this it makes me think how puerile, how insignificant is man." 5 "Huh!" said his wife. "A woman toTscoveTthTt." thTOUBh 40 ° ****

Lady: •'What are you standing them i for, throwing stones at the little boy over the road?" Jimmy: "I daren't go no closer, ma'am. He's got the whooping cough." Wifey: "What is an optimist, dear!* Hubby: "A fellow who looks at his shirt, just back from the laundry, and says, 'Oh, well, we needed' lace cur- V tains, anyway!"' • v "Did you deliver your wife that little ' lecture on economy you threatened to ? ' do when I saw you last?" "Yes, I did." \ "Any result?" >/ "Yes. I've got to give up smoking* s >■ Boy: "Please, sir, can I have to-ntor- > row off?" ;% Employer (sarcastically): "H'm! Grandmother being buried:" Boy: No. sir. She's just bic and swum the Channel." Patient: "My head is like a lump of lead, my neck is as stiff as a poker,! < and I feel as if I have got an iron band ' across my chest." ' •> Doctor (sarcastically): "H'm, I think ' '* you should have seen an ironmonger." A man was charged at the police court' with being drunk. .1 "What made you think this man was intoxicated?" asked the magistrate. **Well, sir," replied the policeman, "I found him at the back of the cinema'' with a bunch of flowers, and he said he was waiting for Mary Pickford." - '; A tramp asked the proprietor of a. : circus for a jobs- He was told that he could become a lion tamer. "I assure you it is easy," said the ')}.% circus proprietor. "The whole secret is in forcing the lions to believe you r.re not afraid of them." '. •• "No," replied the tramp, "I couldn't be so deceitful."

Easily Answered. "What would you do if some bloke left you a million pounds? 9 ' s "Nothing!" Hot Greedy. "Let's have some ginger ale." •Tale?" "No, just a glass will do." Fashionable Witchcraft. Magician: This, my lady, is what yon need; the cloak of invisibility. Lady: But that model is so very oMfashioned. Haven't you got it in a mora up-to-date style? Impossible. Detective: Your suspicions against your cashier are unjust. He Kves quietly, simply, and decently. Merchant: But, allow me, sir, he cannot live decently on the salary I pay him. Thoughtful of Him. Cissie: Auntie, you know that old man at the corner that was ill. Aunt Jobkins (Christian Scientist): You mean he thought he was ill. Cissie: Well, now he thinks he's dead.. Tactful. A certain salesman was proposing to his best girl. "And, sweetheart," he finished, Til lay my whole fortune at your feet" "It isn't a very big fortune," she reminded him. "I know, dear," he replied, "but it'll look awfully big beside your little feet!" He got the job!

THE SWEET GIRL'S RETORT. During a flag day one of the pretty and youthful girl sellers approached a souMooking gentleman who sat at the wheel of a luxurious car. "No, thanks/' came the reply "I contribute regularly to the hospital." ««-' m the S irl « sweetly, "but Sis™ 8 m ° ney to * day ' not V* deß '