THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 223, 20 September 1928, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) SHORTCOMINGS OF "SMITHY." Many in the Auckland crowd "seemed a little disappointed when the slim, boyish figure of Kingsford Smith was noted."—Newspapei report. Oh. what a blow it Is to us To find yon neither tall nor fat! We'd make ten thousand times more fuss If you were seven feet high—my hat! Ton haven't even got grey hair. How dare a boyish chap fly high? How can a slim lad take the air, Or be a hero ? Oh, my eye! A frightful disappointment. Smith! In age you're under seventy-eight; Too boyish to be bothered with, Too slim to be a candidate. Why are not aerial pioneers Judged by their weight and girth and height Why waste our very generous cheers On ten stone men—now is It right? Great Scot, Tom Heeney's twice the weight! Not slim or boyish—ah alack ! Smith's far too light, I beg to state. For All Black honours at full-back. Oh. birdman of the upper blue, Oh, human speck in distant skies. The populace demands of you Age, whiskers, embonpoint and size. An eminent paragrapher, commenting 01 the fact that the Prince of Wales goes every where, says: "He has a topographical memory and & splendid eye foi NEVER AT SEA.- country and would rarelj find himself at sea." 11 is obviously untrue, then, that His Cheer} Highness came to New Zealand and Australia The report that H.R.H. and his brother are at Cairo is evidently much exaggerated unless, oi course, they flew. ' A Woman from Gehenna" who mentionf that he served in a famous kiltie regimenl during that expensive war, having read th< paragraph about th < SCOTS BROSE. sailor and the stew, sayt the Scottish regiments had stew, too. A rookie in one of the Pertl camps, when the orderly officer visited th« mess and asked if there were any complaints looked disgustedly at his stew and said: "Man ah should thenk so! A yellow dog wad turn up his nose at yon stew!" Strange to say the officer didn't mat the man, probably catch ing a whiff of the brose, and, stranger still, thereafter the troops were served with fine large meat pies at suitable intervals. This reciuit was a character. The company barbei was pursuing his grateful labours, the clients sitting on benzine boxes while he pruned their locks, when the recruit strolled up. "Here's tuppence. It's a' I hae. Tak' off as much as ye can for the money." And at the canteen where he put down half-a-crown for the necessary he said to a mate who had also been barbered: "Sandy, ma hair is shorter than yours and ye paid saxpence. Have a fourpennv drink ?" v 3 The strong right hand of the reformer is busy with the police force, a sympathetic public which loves its bobby being agreeable to anything that will raise Mr. PEEL'S OWN. Peel to the height he desires to attain. The most curious complaint emanating from the ranks of the gentlemen in blue is that they will be forced to retire after thirty-five years' service. The police force seems to be the special branch of the public service from which the potential Commissioner retires after two or three years' service. To-day you may see a dapper young man attired in the neatest Mcllveneys patrolling the beat, his eye lifted for crime. To-morrow, so to speak, you will see the same dapper young man denuded of his shako and his blues, speckless in a white coat engaged in slaking the thirst of the multitude, for on account of their training ex-constables are highly esteemed, especially at five minutes to six. Men who were relatively infant policemen appear not to long for thirtyfive years' service and may be seen with faded tops to their caps and white gloves controlling the traffic, being gatekeepers on wharves, or even wielding the corn-inducing pick. In short, when John has been carefully trained to go on from strength to strength with a far-off chance of reaching inspectorial eminence he often passes his baton and torch back into store and emerges a civilian. Dear M.A.T., —I am sending you an account of a dream which I had in connection with in important race. While staying at an Auckland hotel one Saturday THE v night I dreamt that I DREAM HORSE, was walking in Cathedral Square. Christchurch, and the only people visible were two cabbies who apparently were waiting for some fare to turn up. As I walked past one of the cabbies san° r jut to the other the name of a horse. I immediately came to a stop, and looked directly it the man, who repeated . the name. As suddenly as the dream came it vanished, ind next morning while dressing the dream ; ame back to me and I recollected everything jut the name of the horse. However, on going nto the smoking room I picked up a Saturday light's paper, and, turning to the sporting lage, I saw the weights for the New Zealand Cup and running my eye down the ist I saw my dream horse's name. I naturally jrought the subject up at breakfast, and the lsual wiseheads laughed and said I had better ake more water with my whisky before retirng. During business "hours next day the beam was continually on my mind, and :hancmg to meet a sporting friend, I got him o invest one pound on the horse at quite iberal odds. About a fortnight later I Ireamt I saw the owner of the horse arriving it a country station with two horses, and he isked me to attend to them. He was dressed n black and was a cripple. As the day arrived or the important race my dream horse was n the final payments and was to carry number hirteen saddle cloth. Of the actual race I :an only state that from paper description liter the horses had gone a mile my dream lorse ran to the front and stayed there, winling by about a furlong and paying a great >rice. A peculiar thing happened that dav, for he owner of my dream horse had a horse •tinning in another race, and it dropped dead tnd he was compensated bv his other' lorse winning the big race of the day. The inal act was I received a nice cheque and had hree weeks' holiday and Christmas at the easide.—H.R. PALS. When I see a boy who hasn't a doc Or a dog that hasn't a bov, ™ in p k ?? the ' ot th< ?y are'missing, Of frolic and genuine joy. Some parents think dogs are a nuisance Just something to bark and annov- ' I liey can t know how badlv a bov Or how sadly a dog neeL a boy * d °f' —Mae N. Morbis. CHAOTICS. The solution to the first of the new series Siacelcetsse Ecclesiastes. lere is one suggested by the need for unity • nd , ° 1c1 " ,,e,7 "■« Ooiinnnysscathr. L THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY aedS^i^j" 7 " bUt