WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 151, 26 June 1907, Page 6

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

(By OU Salt.) It is admitted that beauty is only skin deep; but nobody, so far as" I am aware, has yet been bold enough to declare how far beneath the cuticle extends our boasted present-day civilisation. Not very far I fear, or the respect for law and order which certainly does not exist in uncivilised man would impel us to take down from their pedestals Jack Sheppard Robin Hood, the Kelly gang—et hoc omnes — and put in their places Jonathan \. ild, the Sheriff of Nottingham and the "Victorian police. Even Sherlock Holmes is most admired when depicted making the official police appear ridiculous. The young native who penned the following letter was, I fear, anxious "for to admire" and to emulate rather than deprecate the doings of the notorious band of criminals referred to. Whakarewarewa, June 21, 1907. To Mr George Buller. Dear Sir, —I have seen in the Auckland papers all about your picture -flim,' 3 of a mile long, all about the Kelly gang, and I want to see the pictures very much Will you come down to Rotorua with your picture, i'm sure that all the people will go to see it. I am 12 years old an when I went to Christehu'ch to see the exhibition i saw some of the kelly gangs ourmour it weigh S4lb please tell mc if your coming. Yours truly, HONE RAPONI." Everybody knows that it is not due to climatic eccentricities, but to the fact that our Parliament assembles there which has earned for the Empire city the title "windy Wellington." and Doctor Findlay should not endeavour to entice our legal lights to a place where they might be blown out by superior eloquence. I am somewhat re-assured in this matter by the statement in a contemporary that "the proposal is certain to be pulverised into impalpable ether." How the process is to be effected, or what is meant by "impalpable ether," I must confess I do not know, but one must be content to acquire knowledge gradually, and the phrase has taught mc what is meant by the expression "Sonorous nonsense." The Auckland City Council is not always, when engaged in its deliberations, an entirely happy family, and "that unruly little member" (not of the Council; but that of which the Apostle Paul wrote), has frequently to be checked by our worthy Mayor. To one gentleman who appears to resent the iron hand exercised by Mr Myers, a word of advice raay be tendered, which may induce him to u=e a little more suavity in his methods for, after all, "Gently does it" is as true a saying at the Council table as in the wider walks of life —

Though strict the rulings be expressed. Yon'U doubtless soon discover. To grasp the iron hand pays best. And be the velvet Glove-r! Once upon a time, and please, readers, from this inauspicious opening, do not expect a fairy tale, I was shown a letter from one of the most powerful trusts in the United States to the branch manager here—in Auckland; but since transferred to Wellington, which intimated that he might cross to Sydney some Saturday afternoon, and adj.rst a mitter of "short shipment*' -without interfering with his routine work here. Such geographical ignorance is amazing, and yet New Zealand is not to be beaten, for I read that although telegraphic communication between over-seas neighbours and San Francisco is interrupted, the service '"betw. ,n Portland and Oregon" is complete and satisfactory. Since Portland is situated in Oregon, and Oregon has no existence save as a State, it might be of interest to remark that any messages sent via Middlesex will reach London.

In New Zealand one might be led to believe that the incongruities in men's dress, which niake one's teeth ache in the Old Country, h..d been left behind; but I see signs of the same evil in our midst, particularly during Sunday morning's church parade. The incongruities to which reference was first made may be illustrated by an example brought all the way from Southport (Lancashire). He was a day tripper, and was clad in flannel—cr —bags, a yachting cap, sandshoes, and—a frock coat. A step in a simOarlv wrong direction is evidenced locally by the combination of high hats and brown boots, it is the men in between these extremities that I would urge to have things in keeping, and cannot do better than quote from that musical masterpiece with which Signor Nicolini delighted all the crowned heads of Europe:— "■With a brown hat. a brown pair of shoes. A' brown face, with the sun and lots of "booze," Some 'browns' in my pocket, I don't care if I lose. I'm little Teddy Brown from Brighton." To profess to be conversant with Maori literature is equivalent to claiming acquaintance with the occult, since the existence of each is proved "hy absence. If, however, one tried to render the favourite song of our Te Rangi Pai in the Maori language for the benefit of our native friends in Orakei, it might be useful to cut the piece into short lengths:— 'Slid tram cars and motors, AH idly we roam, 'Though free Maori voters. We're driven from home. The soil which we planted. And tended with care. Is now badly wanted, But who calls it fair? Rop.m. roam, far, far from home, Tcose flats of Orakei, That pipi-crusted shore, .Are lost to us ' sewer"-ly. So home, "sweet home," no more! Auckland, it is to be feared, will soon qualify herself to be regarded as the aggrieved city of the South; that is, if the South of her environment take any further advantage of her. To recapitulate her grievances would be more_.than a twice-told tale, while to indicate the latest is to begin at the wrong end, since foot-warmers in railway carriages—or elsewhere —appeal more to one's "under : standing*' than to one's intelligence. Why such partiality should be shown appears to be capable of explanation in only one way, and that, alas! must come via a voice from the South, and one which requires after it an interrogation pointr—

If a hot-headed party should wish to dictate, Shall we list to the voice of the charmer. And maire extremes meet by warming their feet s"j*hen the tbeir^eads-might-grow KannerjJ