WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 127, 29 May 1907, Page 6

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

(By OLD SALT.) , ~s. So the Imperial (already referred fa as "the late") Conference has at leneth concluded its deliberations. s

"The shouting and the tumult dies' The Premiers .itul their Iriends depart," (This is by "R. K." but is not qnjte 0.X.) v* w

The Federal Prime Minister voicer the sentiments cherished by himself ajji his brother-delegates, that: "the Teat ideas which have inspired their'gather* ings will yet be crystallised."

1 presume it is a matter of cofhinoa knowledge that Mr Deakin is an ardent spiritualist, but flu's crystal-gazing pro. position seems rather outside the Scope of practical politics, and ought to la made a little clearer.

Dear Mr Deakin. Please make clearYour Bounding phrase's meaning. Does -'crystallising" mean, just liere, ; That — no one Intervening— The policy you Indicate May lie "seen through" by laymen? '■''- If so, then kind Indeed onr Fate; With thanks we murmur—A-men!'" -"-, Bur other meaning may be read. " And It may be denoted, ". *f<g That measures, now looked on with flreai They'll swallow — susar-coatcd! • *

The creator of the only Sherlock Holmes has been applying the deductive methods of that great criminologist V matters of fact instead of fiction;, ifa has secured the release of a young man, who, he claims, was wrongfully mutS! Ed and imprisoned. Very right and proper in a professional, but amateiirs; be. ware! Only last week when walking with a young friend in QueefiritfceVa. pretty pedestrian favoured iis with a chaj-ming bow, which, with the swifct assurance of adolescence, my cpmpanioit arrogated to himself, then ihelinhig tits head in the. direction of the vanishin" bow-er (Here! what's trumps'anyway t Oh, hearts, all right!) said, "Hospital nurse I met at a dance the other nights Then followed examination, and I foiinj the hypothesis was based upon the strong aroma of carbolic add which atfached to the young lady.' Subsequent investigation revealed the fact: that tj trilling mistake had been hiade during a hurried toilet, and tooth pbwder''iiaid instead of "Poudre de Riii." ■ «

"Meeting my young friend" later I told 1 him the error into which he had. fallen,and gravely explained to hind that, lid had been literally "thrown off the scenr* by C 6 H5 OH. Quite unabashed, he replied, "Oh! yes. very likely.; I never M could get over those things at school," .! and then, wallowing.; asitwerer in hia* slough of ignorance, "I quite agree with what the Bible says about those 'tinkering symbols'! "

An item occurs in a contemporary oi last week which 'twould indeed be. »• ! pity to overlook: V "i "Lions and tigers are powerfully l -"s|Lf- ; fected by the smell of ldvenaef watch Under its influence they sometiifieff 1* come as docile as Jambs." ■ That is all right, except for "the''twttij clause "sometimes." Still, when the eh. cus arrives, it might be "Wirth" trying In tbe meantime I have been exptt*. tnenting—faute de mieUx.—upon the pieturesquc. group in the lodal lnusiuia, and i.

I found a subtle charm. In the "Violette oe Panne." In '•Frangipanl." also "SfephatiOfis;" For altho' with Hh'ral hand, I sprinkled all the stand, They never took a blessed bit of notice.

"Cherry Blossom" and "Cologne,* Were subsequently thrown. For neither did they seem to care i'Mi ton, . i .-■-■■ Then the empty bottles hurled; • But they stood, for all the world, As docile as yonng lambs liid quiet* mutton. ; --'. : .. : ,

''Of making books there isvno end, ami much study is a weariness to the flesh. 1 ' .Yet a wail goes up from Auckland ihat its people are neglecting the region 6t culture—intellectual, I presume, Andiioi bacteriological—and "already . tfe. ;i ire prouder of our butter -thinvtrf-<Mf books.'" It is only right to; remembet that a book of even cookery recipes is poor fare, for a hungry man,- in .-spite'of the well known dictum that teaming makes a "full" man as writing does an accurate one, and, if the making of butter bo a means to earning our bread, let us make butter, while the books may, come afterwards, according to oiir c 'des< serfs." Kome was not built in a day; but Greece (or butter-fat) is doing \» great deal to build up 'Auckland in Mt day.

Surely nothing is more distressing.-tt sleepless folk than to hear all through what should be the silent night .watch* the ever-recurring chime of the quarter hours from our Public Library clock, and a correspondent inquires if the mechanism might, not be adjusfjed, so that from, say, 10 p.m. to 6 aju, only.tile hours should be sounded. I believe It. could be done, and think that it should be. A gallant Frenchman declares that women were created to make us forget the time, and clocks invented to reniind us of it; but we don't want to he reminded o fit all night, so let TempiH fugit quietly.

Soon, if history is to repeat itself, the winter evenings of our discontent M made less content by the ambitious efforts of amateur musicians. Amongs* those who demonstrate their «°f|f||j music by torturing it. woman, with the usrual perversity of her sex, predominates; but a word in season to youthful prodigies of either sex. Although kindly i critics may tell you that you show great promise—they cannot say much less, or they would not bo kindly—remember that oven promissory "notes" are not t-' ways honoured at maturity. :,v

Despite th" "entente cordiale, ,* writer in a French newspaper publish in New Caledonia, affirms that the opening of Ihe Panama Canal will probably lead to lue ctlacement of Englandinw* 1 the seas, and the supersession 9yE| tannia as ruler of tbe waves. A somewhat bellicose article concludes Hi W> following friendly manner:— ,a "What a sweet revenge for past diss, ters! What a consoling remedy for certain wounds which are even yet »? healed! The opening of the Canal offers to France a free hail » two oceans." . , -*. Surely John Bull is not going *gjg outdone by "la belle France" in coror alitv; but as he is .a poor talker a.."" best of times, let mc suggest a P' dou\:Wltu a hand Hi cither ocean, S&w; Though a long way, p'rhaps to ttsaf \ Sen will find.. I have a notion. Besot &ufa&.^ff&r : &* ■****-