MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVII, Issue 257, 3 November 1906, Page 10

MERRIER MOMENTS.

What coin doubles its value by deduct ing its half?—A halfpenny.

"I -would fight for you. Jessiel" "Would you reaUy? Then go and ask papa!"

'•Can't you -wait a year before marry ing my daughter?"' "I can; but niv ere ditors can't."

Hewitt—"What is the best business L 0 which a young man can give his attention?'" Jewitt—"That you can't decline a kiss."

"You know Dick was just maile to many mc," said the. young bride. "Vps; that's what everybody thinks.' , replied her rival.

"I believe, professor, that you are :\ master of nearly every known tongue: '•That is so; i\][ ]n\i my wife's and her mother.-?."

Mother—"You must lio pai.ient with your husband." Daughter—"Oh, 1 am. I know it will take time for him to see that he can't have his own way." .

Mr. Jones—"l think I'm gomg to have appendicitis.' , Mrs. .1 ones—'-Oh! you do! Well. I think I'm going to have a new hat, and your appendicitis can wait."

Cousin Jack—"Yes. I'll put a sovereign on for you if you *. pay mc back. You didn't the last time." Cousin Kate "Oh. well, the horse dian't win, you know/ .

First Physician—"So the operation was just in the nick of time?"' Second Physician—"Yes: in another twenty-four hours the. patient would have recovered without it.' .

Miss Budd (to famous pianist)—"Xliat music was truly divine, monsieur." Monsieur—"Ah, mam'sselle, za.t is indeed praise, for who but an angel would Know divine music! , '

Yes, trouble is something that few persons seek, But the lover who tries to secure A bride with much gold, "to have and to hold," Is courting Miss Fortune, for sure.

Solicitor—"Yes. madam, we shall have to put down your correct age in the deed." Client—"Put 43, then, if you must have it, but for goouness sake, write it as illegibly ar, possible."

"You have broken another plate." said a mistress in dismay. Maid—"l have, mum; but little good il'll do mc. You'll get another, of course; so hi have as many dishes, to wash as ever!"

"What's the matter, little boy?" said the kind-hearted man. "Ac you lost?" '"No," was the manful answer; "1 aint lost, I'm here. But I'd like to know where father and mother have wandered to." .. ■ . ■

Pompous Gentleman: I have nnrt! but praise for our new parson Cnlll'f" S '•Doctor, who was that who nodrtc* you just now- « My first Jjgj* have been has ruedicnl adviser for the w twenty years. • -Good graeiouel X a splendid constitution he must have™ LIKENESSES. A proud father was showing his three year-old daughter the pictures in . I work of natural history. Pointing to I picture of a »hra ho asked the baby£ 1 1 ell him what it represented. > "Colty. ,, answered the baby. j Pointing t,i a pieUne of a'tiger in the same way. sb<- answered "kitty." Tw 1 a lion, and she answered "doggieElated with her seeming quick oeption he turned 1o the picture of t chimpanzee and -aid: "Baby, what is this?" "Papa," quickly replied" Jin Ledger. ' MISPLACED GOLD. The beautiful girl's sweet smiles changed to dark frowns. "Tou deceiver," she hissed. "T hat» you!" ate The man dropped his cane in astonishment. "Hate mc! ,, he gasped. "Why. it was only yesterday you said yon loved every hair on my head." ■ '■Yes, but not. every hair on your shoulder," sbe retorted, as she 'held aloft a poldeu bit of evidence. NELLIE'S AD\nOE TO HER PASTOR. "Mamma. Fs got, a stomach-ache," said Nellie, six years old. "That's because you've been without lunch. It's because your stomach is empty. You would feel better if you had something- in jr."' That afternoon the pastor called, and in the course of conversation remarked that be had been suffering all day witb. the headache. "That's because il is empty," said Nellie. "You'd feel much better if you bad something in it.-'—".Judge Magazine of Fun.' , Suddenly the summer man gave a start and hastily removed his arm from the waist of the summer girl. "W-whnt'a the trouble, George?"' she asked in alarm. "Why." he replied nervously, ''those boarders up in the house have been training opera glasses on us for the last ten minutes. 1 bet they are saying this is the. funniest comic opera they ever witnessed." Summer girl smiled. "Don't worry, George. You cau depend on it that I don't, think it is comic opera."

"And what do you think it is, dearest;" - . "Gi-aud." .1. And after thflt the ripples of mirth that drifted down the hotel vtfatoiali failed to disturb them. — '■■ :