MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVI, Issue 42, 18 February 1905, Page 10

MERRIER MOMENTS.

Conversation ie bften th» lrt ' J : pearing to listen. ■ ■■■•••.;•• v ■ •► Although water isn't iatoxkikt'fe.. > makes barrels tight. T* tlß ß> it Money is one of the test thines *»!« but it is still better coining. P c o "* Truth is occasionally, though not w quently, stranger than war rumouis,"* She: Why does a woman t*t e man's name whtn she gets married * He: Why does sfte take eVemifc. else he has? Young man from the country; I ■■•■ is this the way to the cemetery? ■ City boy: Yes, you just keep etaadi,. on them'electric car rails, and yoiill S there soon enough. ; •■ * "Hullo, Mike. I hear you're <« etrike." ■';•'•..:: "So I am. I struck for fewer h6nh* "Did you succeed?" "I did. I'm not "working at all u<rw. n Gosling: I wonder why they But g byphen between the names of man m j wife in announcing a marriage! Old Bachelor: To keep 'em apart, Barnes Tormer (as Hamlet) Tfcere fa something rotten in the state of jw mark! Voice (from the the gallery) fYnW it, old man! •••K."* Mother: You must be patient wttli him. Daughter: Oh, I am. I knoirit i«l take time for him to see that he caa't have his own way. "That small man is terribly tick." "Yes, it seems to be a case of midtiw in parvo." l -° -' '~ ~T "What's the row on the second floerf , inquired the fourth floor occupant Of the elevator man. "" ■ "Oh," he said, "it's the maaieurhfc and the dentist, and they're join* it tooth and nail." "Mr. Deeply," said the hotta*. "won't you oblige us with one mot* song?" j / "Oh, really," replied the eminent basso, "the hour is late, . Fm.afnid my singing will disturb the neighbours." "Never mind that. They're got a'dot i whose howling disturbs us at night.* , "That burglar is highly educated. Did you notice how proper his speech was?", "Yes. I did. He was even so particalar as to speak of his jemmy as 'my iMe assistant James. , " ■ . • ■: Betty: So Maud is engaged? Well I'm sorry for the man. She dfen"t know the first thing about housekeep. "Jg- ' '"' :'■■'■:'' : '' Bessie: Oh, yes, she does. ';■'. Betty: I'd like to know what. Bessie: The first thing is tercet « man to keep house for. .£j| After an unsuccessful banquet the ■chairman said: . ' r •'••• '"■:,. ' "Gentlemen, we have with us JtetfigW Professor Long-Bowe, who; will, t*ll us one of his best and biggest 'after-diiati , storjee." . . ... ..- Professor Long-Bowe: Mr. Ohtjrmia and gentlemen, to begin with my biggett etory, Jet mc tell you how-thorougijjy J have enjoyed your banquet;. \^ v .;. . Gunner:, ''Peoplft are a]mxr.:iidttag about big bat's in'the ttesitre, bai j»ev«f in church." Guyer: "Well, they Mi to Screen the sleepers in church? , "Here comes the old General with ■» daughter." "So I see—and they, iji>y th» daughter has been through more engagements than her father." '"'.""..''\ ~ MISUNDERSTOOD* V^ "Willie," said the mother, "LwMijei would run across the street «nd »cc bo* old Mrs Brown is this morning." A f«w minutes later Willie returned, and imported: "Mrs Brown saye it's:«W ** your business how old she »s. w '~ * SO NATURAL. / ; Mrs Cassidy: " "Twas very aatwral W looked." Mrs Casey: "Aye, shure, ac tooke* fit all the wurld lojke a loive man Itjii , there dead." ' ' ! ' NO GRUDGE AGAINST HOIt The Judge: "You called him ft liar, dH you? How did he take it?' >■ The Colonel: "He agreeably eu'priMi mc, suh, by acting like a perfect fej|tt|i« man. He knocked mc down, suh": EASILY JiUSUNDERSTOOD., A certain teacher in one of our schoela was giving her usual daily lessens. OiM • little boy was beginning to learn the geegraphy of England. In hjs lesson h» was taught that "Yarmouth ie cplebl*' ted. for the curing of herrings," \ "Oh, how funny it must be?,' he «•* claimed, "to see the little sick heniogi Bitting round and getting better!" SERIOUS. Few things vex a physician more tfc|* to be sent for in great baste ft! « Wj* seasonable hour, only to find upon an** val that little or nothing is themnty* with th« patient. An eminent surgeon wns.called to an "urgeftt «•*<" of this sort, and found that tfc.ep*tiWi who was a man of great wealth P 0 * small courage, had received a very wound from a fall. The surgeon's f** B did not betraj- )xi,s irritation, but l»ieg» M his sen r ant orders to go home with |H possible ljaste and return with »■<*?" tain plaster. The paiieirt, pale, said anxiously, "I trust, sir;the(W is no great and dailge?!'^^' deed, there is- Why, if that, fell** , doesn't run like a racehorse, tlwre'p w telling but what your "will "*•* before he gets back with the pla«t«rjr