MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVI, Issue 36, 11 February 1905, Page 10

MERRIER MOMENTS.

Married men invent the motW-v v jokes, but only the bachelors «« V 1 * to laugh at thorn. n .*?|*t " Bobby, hero's your penny aM must go straight to bed. 5, - "p a Ar H more pay and longer hours," ' ■ v*t A man"? darkest hour is when l\. . turns on the light as he tries to qtlietly upstairs at 2 a.m. t>^ She: "Why arc all vessels spiti, as 'she'? It's because they *1M■ " gracefully, isn't it?" Ho: «ic o $ *» cause their rigging costs so^anicS."*** , "It was my ambition on." said the wonld-be antor. ■■■■*f«V ,i joined the hard-hearted critic-"Li , * understand it was the audieine^L 1 egged you off." - *•« Old Gentleman (to little girl in ■ w>, way carriage): 'How old are von.*Xf girl?" Little tlirl: -Are you "Why, no." -Then lam thirteMw old." . . "I* , ** Boy: "Please. I want the do** v come and see mother at once." servant: "Doctor's out. Where do * come from?" Boy: -TPhat! don't «£ know mc? Why, we deal with had a baby from here last week." ;' So much fuss about Hans, the letnu horse, is quite disproportionate. ']jj? we so soon forgotten the Spelling B^i Youngster: "Please, sir. T wait sot., boot laces. ,. Shopkeeper-. "Hovlotofla you want them? ,. Youngster: them to keep, please, sir.' , . .'■ "Maud, that little boy next door sjvears dreadfully. I hope you d,w>! play with him." "Xo. mother*; -not bow He's taught mc all he knew/Vy■•' ""But if you lovp mc, ■»*. set the happy day two years it? '•Beca-use. Horace, it will take jnte ftfl. that long time to use up my BM)n»na stationery.' , - .i.? 5 Miss Budd (to famous pkßistji "That music was truly divine; ■ sieur." Monsieur: "Ah, mani'sellc, at is indeed praise, for who blit an akgri would know divine music!" . ~v Business.—"Hotv much have jc¥'«it Billy ?" 'Fourpenee." 'Tye got fin, pence. Let's put it together and m halves:" :■■- ••' * The Reason AThy.—Marjory: «& said jrou pavp him such a wretched Tittie ►"kiss."' : "I had to, old girl Toj 1 see. I'd just t.old him I had never ldesed a man before." Historian: "Boy. is this the fieldufaos which the great battle was fought! . Native Boy: "No. zur: that- be it «t*tht top of that hill." Historian: >'D«r ( dear! That hill must be quite a mOe away!" (Playfully): "Why ever didnt they fight it in this field?" Boy: Tsnp. pose because tbist here veild TtetoagTto Tanner Johnson. He nwrer Vwill lend ■ his fields for anything, not feven for t , village sports!" ' : -, ', :_■ i; The Groom: '"What are you ihinkraff of, dearest?" The Bride: /I^tomk' ing if your father and mother irwt. or mint" had never jwet;-,fflrw* had bean -borui -oj- rhfldnV iovtSl BDA ~ other, or—or—something, Jiow- dreadfol everything would have,been,". ~.•.. "I suppose you are Terr glad:tiiit JOW husband is entirely cured of his,jien'. matiam?' , said a doctor recenily~"to » fashionable fedy of G«rmantowni"-*Yei, I suppose I ought to be," answered the lady. <r but from now on we sht.ll hart to guess at the weather or^buya-bMO-. meter, if his bones stop, aching btiba I •damp spell." ,!/: * HIS DUTY. .: Elsie: Danpa, aTe you my.anwrt bru vrer ? Grandpa: >"o, deaT; I'm Elsie: Den w'y don't you send.iwie bed wif out any supper sometime. JEALOUSY. "Do you care for Browning'f-idBJ the gentleman with the. long hair,*! the lady with the painted cheeks, lit til reception. ••■■■''- ■<;; -o "Not so loud, please," whispered th» woman; "my husband has vniyfttSji jealous disposition." OX HIS BIRTHDAY MGRSOfS. Aunt: Come, Tommy, why ai«»Vj»* eating your porridge? -• ■ ; Tommy: Oh. I don't think; : rU wiste, my stomach on porridge this jnprainfc auntie.—"Comic Life Christmas ber. ; * -'■;;•,'-"■' NEATLY DONE .'&:,'/ Burke: "Who's thet foine huseey *" the cat's skin roun' her hvng Maeall: Tact's mc first i throm Bleary. v.V ". A Burke: Ha! do ye 6ay so?. Bfp* they'll be seal's skin she bae, ©i* • shure." J ~:•. ■.;:.: A PAYING BUSIKES?-: A party of amateurs some time *& arranged for a 'shoot." and ordered * pigeons from a dealer in a neighlWUlWj town. The shooting was of a /WV wonderful charanter, hut the a<*n»V doings pt the "match need not be fl«| scribed iv detail. The net results w' l _. be readily gathered from the follow"!! note, which was -subsequently recriw* from the dealer. It ran: — ; v „ "Gentlemen,—l beg sincerely to you for your patronage, and to in« mate that I shall Iμ only top .h>3? to supply you with any number of Wro* on future' occasions of the sori. Tnj whole of the 30. for which ydUrpW 1 mc at the rate of Sd per head, return ed home in safety, and moreover brought with them a stray 'pigeon?

She—There's some jam on yfivj** He (with interest)— There isntt «W vrorih. eating, is there?