WITTY JUDGES.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXVI, Issue 33, 8 February 1905, Page 10

WITTY JUDGES.

Some few months ago. remarks a Lon-j don paper, three men, charged with I travelling from Preston to Fusion with- j out paying their fare?, were told that j they would he taken to Mnrylebonc Police Court, whereupon one of them replied, "I am very pleased to hear that, for that is where Mr Plowden sits. I would do three months if T could only see Mr Plowden." * ; As a matter of fact, quite a numl.er • of Mr Plowden's visitors do three months. The gentleman who occupies the seat of i judgment at Marylebone, the dispenser! of justice at the Bloomsbnry ( ounty l Court. His Honor Judge Bacon, and Sir, Charles John Darling, of the King's! Bench Division, are recognised to-day as 1 tho chief founts of judicial jokes. Mr riowdcn is essentially up to date. For instance, the Monday following the great Association football fixture of the year saw him dismissing a Sheffield man j who had refreshed too freely to permit! him to return to his Northern home,! with the remark, "You found the 'Eng-1 lish Cup.' T hope it was the 'final'";! while early this year the statement of a workhouse official that two young men' under his charge climbed a lift wall to! get into the old men's ward for the pur- j pose of bcjrfring for tea and I obacco pro- I voiced tho remark. "I never heard of a tariff wall so high as this." The prisoners explained their absence by the fact] that they proceeded to the lavatory to > pour some hot water on some tea thcyi had, an explanation accepted by the I magistrate with the comment, 'It is a very small matter. Don't get into hot | water again." A woman with two blackened ryes applied to Mr Plowden recently for advice; she had, she said, been assaulted by three people. "Have a summons against the three, if you can divide the two black eyes among them." suggested the Cadi. Another woman asked for a summons against a lady friend for "'reformation" of character. '"Reformation or defamation?" queried Mr Plowden. "Defamation. I mean," replied the applicant. "Ah! then you have not come to the right court. Defamation of character, upstairs —the High Court —reformation of character, downstairs—the police conrt, by all means." Early in March of last year a number of tenants occupying slum property in Paddington came before Mr Plowden with the pica that the landlord's agent had served notices to the effect that the tenants must quit the premises or pay double the old rent, and they wished to know where they stood. "I hope yon understand your position," said Mr Plowden. "This notice means 'double or quits.' " The ancient jest that followed the hurling of an egg by a disappointed litigant at the head of Vice-Chancellor Malms, who calmly observed, "This was probably meant for my brother Bacon," is recalled by a comment recently made by Mr Sheil. who is by no means given to the practice of jesting when on the bench at the Westminster Police Court. A boy had been haled before the magistrate for pelting a man with eggs at Rutland Gale. "He broke the eggs all over my coat and face," said the prosecutor, "and made my appearance such that I was quite unfit to kep an appointment with a lady." The magistrate's laconic comment was, "He made a sort of omelette of you." What Judge Bacon is capable of at Bloomslrrrry when in his best form was shown on one gloomy day in November when he enlivened the proceedings with a budget of witty sayings of which only n few can be quoted in the present instance. "And you borrowed tho money | from an 'aunt, did you?" he asked a; youthful and very well satisfied debtor. | "Most people borrow from their uncle." i Shortly afterwards he asked. "What do j you do for a living?" of a plaintiff who was suspected of malingering. "I am an invalid, your honor," waa the response. "I have heard of that as a profession before, but you are the first I have ever heard admit it." "The defendant-'s name is Leaky, not Lucky," and the judge on another occasion. "There is all the difference in the world between the two."