Bits of Fun.

Auckland Star, Volume VI, Issue 1683, 10 July 1875, Page 6 (Supplement)

Bits of Fun.

The end of everything—The letter g. It only takes two seconds to arrange a-duel. A humourous apothecary in Boston exposes a case ot soap in his window with.the pertineDt inscription, ' Cheaper than dirt." . A martyr to his art: Old (tent—What _ you wear them specs for, boy ?' - Boot-black — ' Cos I put such a shiny shine on gentlemen's boots it hurts my eyes.' An old toper says if there is anything that' will make his mouth water, he does not wish to see it. ' What do you think is the best size for a man ?' drawled a lazy fop, who was talking to his physician. ' Exercise,' sternly replied the doctor. ' Why are women so much more courageous than men ?' asked a lady the other day, after talking of politics and war. * Because it is not they who have to fight!' he replied, A certain sage gave China laws, As long ago as twice ten ages ; Confucius he was called because He did confute all other sages. At Monaco a gentleman came to the, roulette table and put down his .hat full of gold pieces. Another said to him, ' Beg. your pardon sir, but could you favor me with, the address of your hatter ?' • . ,

. Mustn't Know What was in It.—-The postmaster at Monticello, Georgia, recently performed the feat of reading letter without hearing its contents. An old womw*^froi»»_ never been to school, got a lefstf* one day, mi asked tha postmaster to read It for her. g|he: did not want him to hr** it, so she toes a wad of cotton rue o/ her pocket and stu|ed his «*rs wfthfit. She then had him read the Jdtter in a low voice and was perfectly satiated that the reader could not hear a word of it. This is reported as a late actual oocurrence.

That's What He is.—lf an editor omit 8 anything, he is lazy. If he speaks of things as they are, people get angry. If he glosses over or smoothes down the rough points, he is bribed. If he calls things by their proper names, he is unfib for the position of an editorIf he does not furnish his readers with jokes, he is a mullet. If he dees, he is a rattlehead, lacking stability. If he condemns the wrong, he is a good fellow, but lacks discretion. If he lets wrongs and injuries go unmentioned, he is a coward. If he exposes a public man, he does it to gratify spite—is the tool of a clique, or belongs to the 'outs.' If he indulges in personalities, he is a blackguard. If he does not, his paper is dull- and insipid.