Little Johnny's Composition Concerning Girls.

Auckland Star, Volume VI, Issue 1683, 10 July 1875, Page 6 (Supplement)

Little Johnny's Composition Concerning Girls.

Girls aint animels but humens wich gro up to be wimmins, same as calfs git to be cows if the butchers mine their biznesses. Mr. Briley is a butcher, but Mr. Doppv he has got a red-headed whife. Girls has long hair, too lazy to cut it off, and wears froekses, not like me and Billy, trousers If I was a girl yudejj see me take them things off mity sune, I can tell you, cos they look dicklous in em, like s'ugar-lofes. only not sweet. I hate girls, and Billy he hates em to, but not my sister, cos she can't hellup it. Uncle Ned, wich has been to Ingy, and evrywere, he says he was to a place once where ol the little boys like me and Billy hates the little girls like takin pills, but after the little boys is grode up, and the girls too, they likes em. 1 said Uncle Ned, where is that ? and he said in Madigigasker, Then I said : Oh, that accounts for it. and he said thats a fack, Johnny, they is kind of Ohpake to luke at, but thats wot makes it so sprisin, cos the girls is niggers too. My mother she says once, that she was a little wee tiny girl her own self, good job I dident knaow her then, may be we wudent liked one another, but I like Mary, thats ■ the house maid, wen she aint stuck up, and my father he likes pale ail and Mister Glasstone. Once my father was a drinkin some, and Gaffer Peters he came to the house, and he said,' Gaffer Peters did, wot was it, and my father said pale ail, have some some, Gaffer, but Gaffer shuke his head and said, I shude think it wude spile less you had a euver for the pail, wy aint it kep in a barl like human beins, I never see such nufangle idees as folks is gitten nowadays. Aint it onenerfile in a ole man not a speck of hair, and no teeths neether, wich dont kno any bettern that ? ' Girls is mostly yunger than boys, but Mary shees older. That girl makes mcc sick ! Yesterdy wen Aunt Marthy was to our house with her little baby she give it to me to mind, wile ol the fokes was in the dinin rume, so bime by Mary she come a runniu in and said Johnny mite she give it a goody, the darlin little angel, and I said yes, she mite if she wude so a patch on my little red whaggon were it was wore out. She said she"wude, and what do you think she give it, wy, a pickle wolnut which was so big it wude hardly go in its mowth. Sech stranglin and coffin and hollering was never saw, and wen the fokes come in my father, he had to get it out with the handle of a table kanife, and ol the wile vinnyger a bustin out its kanose. Wen it was ol over, my mother she said Mary, how under the sun did the chile get sech a thing, and Mary said O, if you pleeze, mum it must have cetched it passin the hospittle. But Uncle Ned, wich has been to Ingy and evrywere, he says the little, toper must have ben mixing his drinks, cos wot it had was a tite fit. I dont know what he means, for how 'cude it mix em les it had 2 mothers? Girls like to 'play with dols, but gimm« a hammer, and a kite, and a whip-top, and a whaggen, and a hobby horse and lots of twine, and some nales, and a lot of chock and a waoulden sawoid, and lie git on with jes the littlest dol which can be made, and I dont care whether it has close on or not. Dols is stuft with brand and soddust, but girls is flesh all throo. Once when Missus Doppy was here to dinner with her little girl we had mutton, and Uncle Ned he was joking like was mad, end he said Sissy wot peece shall I hellup you to, and Missus Doppy s little girl she said if you please Uncle Ned He have a leg. , . In Chancy wen a girl is jus borned she is tuke to a blacksmif, and has lern shoes put into her feets, like horses, wich makes em stay little, and then wen she goes up and gits marryd to her young man she cant foller him to his club, and cant go to his office to luke if he is there like he says, and thats wot I call fair play, cos she cant walck, but wy dont they git in the bus ? One time wen Missy was up to London she got a bus to go to a shop, and wen she got there she got out, and said to the bus man you wait here for me, cos wen I get some things I want you to drive me back to Chairin Cros, and then to Madem Two Shoes whax works, if you know where the place is. But Missy she says it is .only jes one of Uncle Ned s storys, it wasent Madem Two Shoes, but the Zoo, . . Girls is ol very wel wile they stick to their dolses and sech nonsens, but wen it comes to ridin on a sack of coles and playing they was cavalry I say its disgussm, but me and Billy is as braye. sojers as you QV&T S©3« Once there was a Mormon wich had so many wifes he cudent hardly cOunt em, and he went away from home, may be to get some more, but he stayed away so long livin among wife fokes he forgot, and wen he was reddy to go back he telegraft to home sayin Misus Jones, cos that was his name, to meet me at the stashun. So wen he got to the rftashun the waitin rumes was full of his wifes and childerns then he' remembered how it was. So he kist evry bdddy he cude find, porters and all and then he said were is the little girl, and one of his wifes she said Emily, you run over to-home reel quick and fetch her. So pretty sune there was a kanock to the dore, and the Wumman she said come m, Emily, and ijfchere, was about twenty girls come im each'one' bringing a little girl. So the main he luked at em and he said wot a fine" chile, bles my; sole, how she has grode! Then he said how old, and his wifes they begun to tell him,, but no 2 alike. .So he said hold a bit,^and tuke a pensle, "and'marked on the wol_the different ages as they sai^-''"'""''' "■' ■",f done tbllen he ad,<r-' .*> ■■ - - jest zactJy ...'.. , ~ ■ . i;---.^ $mly r - T'" f ■ ■'*' "■ "' . j f f^'^^-^C-7.^ V '-.'V^, ... •,.*■■ 3