A Fight with a Rocking-Chai

Auckland Star, Volume VI, Issue 1671, 26 June 1875, Page 5 (Supplement)

A Fight with a Rocking-Chai

Old M'Stinger was going to bedi little wavy the other night, and Eg ■ wishing to disturb Mrs. M'Stinger, wi has a tongue like a rattail file, | thought it just as well not to turnii the gas. He got on very well until | reached the door of the chamber wl j his patient wife lay sleeping. HereJ paused a moment, balancing on his he j like a pole on a juggler's nose. Th ] j he made a dash for it, in order to ma j j a bee line across the floor,, M I M'Stinger, with her usual exempla | forethought, had placed the rockii! I I chair with such gifted skill that no m i could come into the room without rufe ning over it ; so the first thing he kn J M'Stinger stubbedhis toe-nail off againl the rocker, which knocked the sq against the crazy bone of his knee, a|| made one of the long arms prod him 1 the stomach. Simultaneously he ft j over the chair crosswise,' and it kick! him behind his beak before he coui get up from the floor, as he stood on i fours. The engagement was now ful opened. Before M'Stinger could get i i straight his knee came down on one the long rockers behind, and the ba of the chair came down on his he I with a whack that laid him out flat« the floor; and, before he could mow the chair kicked him three times in tl j tenderest part of his ribs with the shaj J end of the rocker. This made him pa fectly furious, and he scrambled up anj made a blind rush at the chair, detef mined to blow up the enemy's worJal He ran square against the back, and|i rocked forward with him turning I complete somersault over the handlefi throwing M'Stinger half-way across til room, and landing on top of him, digjl ing into his abdomen like a bull's hornj ;as he lay spread out on the under sidj It would nave been a good thing fd! M'Stinger if he had lain still then, an let the chair have its own way. It M flat on his back, with the long poinj of the rockers embracing his abdomel and did'nt seem to want to do anythiil active just then. But M'Stingo could'nt make up his mind to give i up yet. He rolled over side-ways an] upset the chair. It fell with a eras! on his side, giving him a furious dig d the liver, which made Mm straightei his legs spasmodically, breakingohe shii from the instep to the knee on tke rockej which hung in the air; the chair getting on its feet again stood rocking backward and forward at him, like a wary old ram making feints of butting its adver sary, in order to throw him off hi guard. The blow in the- side nearlj finished M'Stinger, and while lying there rubbing his wind back again, he was just beginning to reflect whether his honour required him to proceed in the affair, when Mrs. M'Stinger suddenly began screaming all the Crimes' Act. Up to this time she had been §peechlessj| with terror, and had lain trembling j shedding perspiration, and accumula-l ting shrieking power until she gained! the screaming capacity of a camel-back] engine. She had just reached her third! sforzando fortissimo accelerando, whenjl old M'Stinger succeeded in getting on] his feet once more, and. became dimly] visible to Mrs. M'Stinger. With onefj last wild shriek, she sprank from the] bed, and made a dash for the door,! near which the rocking-chair still stood,! menacing the whole universe with a butting motion. Mrs. M'Stinger had no time for investigation just then, and she pitched into and over the rockingchair, and clear on down-stairs, the chair after her, turning over and over, and kicking Mrs. M'Stinger every bump until they both' landed in the hall below, where the chair broke all tc atoms. This ended the fight.—Columbus Jov/rnal.

A Nevada paper says that owing to the incursions of the chinch bug last year the two i great staples of the. State at present; are red*1 haired girls and cordwooJ. S A Long Island man ha gone to sea w.' hia soul stirred by the story of Enoch A» He wants to be wrecked and come horn' find his wife married to another man. j - A Chicago preacher has'loe' \..i* in the fourth story and dra, with a bed-cord. He say§.{s - ■ any danders about him. ' £ y