MAN IN COUNCIL.

Auckland Star, Volume II, Issue 606, 19 December 1871, Page 2

MAN IN COUNCIL.

Br Geoffrey Softsawdeb, Esq. Theme is nothing like " sleeping" over it. Our Provincial Councillors slept over the estimates at their last sitting, and voted £29,000 out of hand with praiseworthy unanimity. It had been well for the people if the Councillors could sleep a little oftener with a like result. Perhaps if they would go to sleep altogether there would be no harm done. But it is scarcely possible that they should go to sleep altogether without some little bit of disturbance. It would be curious to learn the effects of a nightmare upon the body politic of a Provincial Council. How would the imagination of Mr- John Gordon employ itself. He would appear in scarlet " cut-away" hunting cap taking a toll bar to perfection. We fancy Captain Freer would imagine that he was Colonial Secretary. What extraordinary level of public enlightenment must the constituency have reached that elected this gentleman to be its representative. With what infinite grace he throws himself on the benches, and like the true member of an agricultural district, in fancy, drives his pigs to market. And then -the hon. Mr Hurst, does he never dream of champagne onracecourses,with Dukes and Earls, ladies with camellias, pigeon pasties and tongue sandwiches. Mr Mitchell, the hon. member for Ohinemuri, has the French orator Mirabeau before his imagination, seeing the ponderous solemnity of his oratory. Dr Nicholson has a logical mind. There is no doubt about that. We think he would make an efficient curator of Mr Waterhouso Hawkins' antedeluvians. How amiable tho doctor would look lecturing the mogatheriuni upon population. And " His Worship the Mayor" docs ho not live in his own " castlo in tho air"—his own " mansion house." Does he never imagine himself addressing her Majesty's ministers, thanking them that " our foreign relations aro in a satisfactory state," that Mr George Stainos ceases to cause any uneasiness to tho constitution; that he has sent for a cargo of domestics, who will in time make most delightful sweethearts and wives for the rising generation. What cheering groets his Worship when he " resumes" his seat. Pity his Worship had not been born in the kingdom of Fiji. There had been a sphere of usefulness worthy his eminent talents. Mr Sheehan rises to return thanks to tho Mayor for his palaver and hospitality. The genius of the Emerald Isle smiles benignantly. William Pitt was a very small person at the age of this successful politician. And Mr Lusk, tho midnight lamp, makes his eye lustreless; but then, there will bo holidays and travelling expenses at Candlemas. Do not these vagaries of the imagination, " when sleep knits up the ravelled^ sleeve of care," seem wonderful ? And if Mr Jerome Cadinan gave tho rein to his imagination when sleep overpowered him on Friday night, he surely must have looked upon himself as the last of the political economists and railway commissioner. He must surely contemplate the Kailway Bridge in Mechanics Bay, and the forward state of the Auckland and Drury line as theperfection of engineering. What shape does fame assume in his imagination. Perhaps ho shall be like ouveuiy auutiiiiiii, prcsorvod fo» fnl-nnhy. not kept in spirits, but dressed even to his umbrella. And how do the members of the Council disport themselves in the intervals of sleepiness. Mr Buckland flatters himself that ho has solved the riddle of the sphynx, and appears with a volume of ancient history and the last Hansard under each arm. Mr Dyer dreams of tho profits of sharebroking in Hades. Now, while all this sleeping is going on, there are a few members very wide awake, and are passing the estimates " like winking." Happy public ! see what wonderful pains your friends take to spend your money for you.

Tho new Education Bill was read a second time on Friday. It is a brilliant measure. Mr William Swanson will perhaps be the Chairman of the new Board. Captain Freer will be elected to the Board. His reading is so varied, his personal manners are so attractive ! his academical experience at the Cape fits him admirably for the post of guardian of the instruction of the people. Mr George Staines is not in the Council, and his place at the Board will be difficult to fill. Mr Ellis says it would be " invidz^ous " not to have a gentleman out of tho Council on the Board. There are several political changes projected, but nothipg is certain, not even whether Mr Farnall will succeed in his attempt to restore spirits to Bellamy's.

It is said that the country members are indignant that the goldfields members caught them, according to tho member for Mowick, " on the hop," and threaten to re-commit the estimates for the purpose of reduction. They will make a great mistake if they do. They should have remained in their places, and kept their hold on the public purse strings the same as their more pushing opponents have been doing. But country members like to repose in the bosom of their families. If that is the case, they should be country folks, not country members. It is extremely probable they would do more good to their country digging* potatoes, than giving notices of motion they don't and won't move. I understand that it is seriously contemplated to give Mr Hurst a companionship of the Bath. His modesty makes him reluctant to accept the honour, lest the " water should bo too hot for him."

The hon member for Ohinemuri has received a telegram from Mere JSluru requiring an estimate of the cost_ of tobacco," Venus" brand. She commissions the hon member to get a supply of cotton stockings, which are to be put down to the account of compensation for the land that estimable Maori woman is likely to open for the diggers. Te Hira wants a new pair of trowsers, but a special telegram has been sent to say that he must wait till Mr Donald McLean comes to Auckland. There are several other items of curious information straying about the Council. The police are considered arbitrary in interfering with Friend's pagoda. They say " Mr Staines," with the lamp of wisdom in his hand, would look remarkably neat in the interior of it. At present it is useless,—" good for nothing." It is contemplated to engage a lcoturer upon experimental philosophy to illustrate this new improvement fa th° fawn. It won't

matter in the least if he knows nothing at all about it; he will be liked all the better for that. Monday 19th. _ The consideration of the Police Estimates, last evening, had the effect of causing some enlivenment in the Provincial Council. The members aroused from their slumbers, with wonderful alacrity. His Worship the Mayor was himself ; Mr Macready was equally portentous; and Swanson exhibited his usual "down upon fine cloth and white gloves," for policeman's duty. It appears that the police will not look after nuisances, but leave these offences to look after themselves, and inform the nose of the Inspector of Nuisances. Mr Mackay likes the police as they are, and drew a picture of the ', ancient citizens," being drafted into the police. Some members suggested that the Municipal Council might reappoint " the watch." What delightful nights they would be for the "Eollicking Earns !" Fancy Mr Macready as Dogberry, or a Sergeant of the Force ! Mr Macready did not think he could run as fast as some hon members. He could not without much encumbrance run away, or run off, or run down. It was with great reluctance he should be " pursuer" in a court of justice. It was suggested that a match might be " got up" between Mr Macready and Mr Gordon, between the toll bar at Newmarket and the toll bar at Kybev Pass—the competitors to appear in national costume : Mr Gordon in hunting cap and top boots ; Mr Macready in " Highland fling." The matter was referred to the committee of Caledonian games, and will, it is said, come off bar accident."

Bat the police estimates the force may congratulate itself upon this test of a good character, viz, that while no member ap peared to like it, everybody gave it a good character. Whatever everybody says, I suppose, must be true. Mr Mackay told the Mayor that what was understood by city duty was, in one particular at least, carrying letters for officers and members of the Council. Fancy an armed constabulary carrying love letters for the Secretary; bearing gooseberry tarts for the Under Secretary ; " humping" the rate book for Mr Diddams ; rolling the fifth wheel of a coach for Mr Atkins; taking home a suit of clothes for Mr Hampton; tasting cheeses for Mr Tonks ; or bottling picklos for Mr Smart! What poetic employment for leisure hours. Bat what the Council was most indignant at was the conduct of the Superintendent. They told him very plainly that he had put tho province in handcuffs; that he had put a peace-loving public in the clutches of a fighting force : that he had handed over the province bound hand and foot to the Government of the South, and when he was told that ho ought to be ashamed of himself he put up his " little boys telegraph," againstthe old fogies and told them they might go to Jee-roo-salem for him.

Hon members passed a resolution directing the Government to give them back their old policeman. With pipe and bludgeon, That old curmudgeon, That walked up Queon street At the midnight hour. And heard the equaling, And the caterwauling Of cads and " careys," Tlut ne'er ÜBed his power. Having swallowed the Inspector at £150 a year, tho councillors thought it the least trouble to open their mouths a little wider and swallow the whole department, kepis, white gloves, boots, mackintoshes, and lanterns.