LATEST FROM THE ENGLISH COMIC WEEKLIES.

Auckland Star, Volume II, Issue 606, 19 December 1871, Page 2

LATEST FROM THE ENGLISH COMIC WEEKLIES.

SAUCK FOB THE GANDEB,

Newcastle wife : I say, Joe, dear, if you can't enjoy your supper now you have lost your grumble about nine hours —grumble for me, as .J've done fourteen and ain't finished yet.

THE FINISHING TOUCH. Farmer (who had been most obliging and taken great interest in the picture) : Good mormV, sir! But (aghast) I say, what are you doin' of, mister"( A p'intin1 all of them beastly poppies in nay corn ! ' A bit of color. ■ What 'ould my landlord say, d'you think f— and after I'd put off cuttin' cause you hadn t finished, to oblige yer? I didn't thin* you d a done it! You don't come a p'intin on my land any more !—[Exit, in great dudgeon. J WELL BROKCN: Customer (to horse dealer's boy)— Sent this horse to show me, eh? Where did your master get him ? Boy —Don't know, sir. Customer —Is he quiet in-harness ? Boy—Don't know, sir. Customer—Will your master warrant him sound ? Boy—Don't know, sir. ~, Customer—Confound it, boy! What did your master tell you to say to me alfcput tae horse ? i , „ Boy—He tolled me to say, "Donftjmo*' sir," to everything as you asked me. an\ PLATITUDE AND LONGITUDE. > \ Speech on education to social science througi Four columns in the Times, and a quarter, long! ■> One hour and twenty minutes did the wora» spout pour, What did anybody learn ho didn t know before ? A COINCIDDENTAL COGNOMEN, , Singleton Civilian, Esq., of her Majesty J State Salary Department—Now, boy, out or the way. . , - ,f Boy—Yere! who, a you a shovin oi, yei thinks yerself somebody, I suppose—yer—ye stick o >- salary! FBECOWOUa. , First Rural Innocent—Were'st git the bJa« eye, BUI?

Second ditto—Why, my buoy, Ben let fly at j me ves'dny. He's beginnin' airly 'e'es, ie'es j only sixteen ! I can't mind ever givin1 r;.y ■ father a lickin'— iwl till. I was a man ! j Quite Faik ! —Why is a cabman justified in ; '' cobbling up " any one who rides in his ; vehicle ? ° Because he has a right to subsist on ; his daily fave- j People tio not; often die in healthy Scotch . villages —Only once. \ A sweetly pretty thought—lt's impossible ! for celebraJrtd actresses to live to an old age, j because th;~; a whom the gods love die young, j When limit Rossini have been an enraged j musician ? When ho made the Stab-at j Mater! j

" Old age is to be respected," said a j gentleman recently examining and lectur- j ins a country town school; but seeing the j son of his poulterer there added to him in particular, " The moral is applied to the human race, not to poultry." Young ladies arc advised always to untie and well examine any anonymous j bouquet they may receive A lady was | about throwing away some flowers re- j cently, and discovered a note containing | an oiler of marriage ironi a, very bashful lover.