MAN ABOUT TOWN.

Auckland Star, Volume II, Issue 604, 16 December 1871, Page 2

MAN ABOUT TOWN.

I TOLD Dick that if he did not restrain that confounded kangaroo, I should be forced to deal it a death blow, as its antics are getting quite unbearable. So down he goes to Cochrane's sale rooms, to see if he could buy a big dog's house cheap with a collar and chain, but nothing of the kind was to be had. A sale was on at the time of some land at Callan's Point, Stokes' Bay. It was being sold in allotments, and when they came to lot 13 a rare scene occurred. The auctioneer put up the lot, when up jumps George Staines and removed his hat from his noble brow, and, stepping forward, took a survey of the assembled buyers. After which he addressed them in the following terms. " Look here, gentlemen, just four years ago come next Candlemas, I went to a sale of this very land, but the auctioneer then was not the present auctioneer. I bought this very lot and the next ones to it, and I paid for it, gentlemen, with my hard-earned money, and 1 was going to build a nice little marine residence on it, so that in my old age, when I had run my course and fought my fight, I might retire there with my good old woman and end my days in peace. But, gentlemen, did I get the laud I bought at that sale P No. All I had was a receipt for my money, but the deeds were not forthcoming, because the land was mortgaged and the mortgagee chap wasn't paid, and so I was choused out of my land ; I say, choused out of it, aud my money too. They have tried to sell that land again, afore now, but I have watched their little game and stopped the sale. I now call upon you, gentlemen, not to deprive a citizen of his rights ; I ask you not to bid for this property, which is mine, and I defy anyone to disprove my statement. I beg of you, as honest men, not to countenance such trickery, nor lend yourselves to such dishonesty." The people's champion having thus delivered himself, sank exhausted into the arms, or, I should say, "arm" of uncle Heavey, who was standing conveniently by. There was a pause,—a long pause, —and then, without condescending a reply, the auctioneer again put up the lot. Ex-councillor Staines, having recovered himself, mechanically bid eightpence per foot for his own property So effective had been his appeal, that not a soul advanced on the bid, and George Staines marched triumphantly out of tho sale room the purchaser of his own land, greatly to the satisfaction and amusement of the persons present. " What noxt shall we see in this great city," says Dick, and followed him as far as the Metropolitan, where they " stuck up" a " shout." Dick went to the Council the other night, and returned home at a very late hour. He said he had learnt a wrinkle from the hon member for Auckland East, and an hon member „on the Executive benches. The first named gentleman asked that as there was now no getting out of the payment of the £25,000 to the Harbor Board, could not the Government devise some means of humbugging that respectable body. And as the money was to be paid could it not be paid in such a way that it would be of little use to them, in fact, could they not plead poverty and gain time, and so extend the payment over an unlimited period ? Up jumps Mr Provincial Secretary and says, " Dont fear, I know my book old boy, and you may rely that every dodge will be resorted to beforo wo are compelled to "part." Our pay day is once every two months, but that particular day has to be discovered, and then the whole board must come to collect the amount, or wo dont pay. We shall require them to produce their authority, their charter, their individual right of office, in fact meet them with a thousand technicalities that will throw off the payment until next session. If they are obstreperous we will appease them with an instalment, and if they get noisy we will threaten them with proceedings for the ninety-three thousand loan. But leave tho Executive alone, wo pledge our knightly wordsJ^Ao t money shall not leave our coffers till the last legal quibble is answered, and tho last persuasive argument repelled ?" Dick says after that he will pay ho more tailor's bills. Dick vows vengeance against "Old Practical." " How dare he talk about an " early rising movement ?" Have'nt we our early closing movement, and what more does he want ? A ramble in the Domain at 5 o'clock in the morning indeed, when every honest man should be in his bed. Does he want to see old Shoreham lock * some of our city lads up on suspicion of coming to steal his strawberries ? Talk about health indeed, is'nt health obtained by rest, and how much rest can a man get who goes to bed at 2.30 a.m. and rises at 4.45, I should like to know. O.P. says he simply preaches what he practices My advice to O.P. is to keep the matter dark, as should his insane practice come to the knowledge of two legally qualified medical practitioners, his personal liberty would not be worth twenty-four hours'purchase." And Dick kept rambling on in this strain at breakfast yesterday morning until I administered a quietus on the side of the head with one of my boots that happened to be within easy reach. The boot, however, made a canon off Dick's head and smashed a portrait of Taglioni that I had prized for many years. On Thursday evening'T donned my uniform and went to the amatour performance. The acting was simply grand, especially that of a young mau who played in the character of "Balthazar." The audience sat entranced, and at tho close of the piece the thunders of applause that followed must have been more gratifying to the young man, than to the landlord of building. To say that he brought down the house wonld be untrue, as he did not bring down the house. But the house had avery narrow escape.andif the audiencehad suffered that night as did the Philistines of old, the acting of that young man w.ould have been the cause. Dick did not go, but while fishing yesterday on the wharf he overheard that our old friend Hoskins had made an arrangement at the close of the performance with this very amateur to go " starring" together. But from the enquiries I have since made I can give rumour a most unqualified contradiction. Mr Hoskius was certainly struck as I myself was, but that gentleman has made an agreement with Mr B N Jones for a certain period, by which they may be looked upon in the light of partners, and however much he might like the idea, he

is too much of a gentleman and a straightforward man to break that engagement, to enter into another with "Balthazar."

Shall I go to the monster meeting tonight ? Not I indeed. I always make a practice of enjoying myself on a Saturday afternoon, but Dick will be there, and says he means to nominate old George as a fit and proper person to fill the civic chair. Dick argues that it requires an even tempered man to occupy the post of honour on the magisterial bench—a man who would not allow his temper to be ruffled, no matter how he might be attacked; and who so fit as Mr George. Dicks asks, " Did any man ever see him out of temper?" He says old G. is a comical cove too; one who by way of a joke would give the new medical officer of health a guinea out of the ratepayers' money to tell him whether tar is unhealthy. Dick assures me that he won't allow anyone to speak at the meeting he does not approve of, and means to provide himself with a few dead cats, with which he will exercise his right, and show that he is a free and independent voter. I have taken tho precaution to lock up Dick's new belltopper in case of a row, and have warned him. that if he gets into trouble in the matter I will positively not bail him out.

Dick received a letter this morning with the Thames post mark. As he glanced at the superscription he blushed amazingly, which excited my curiosity. He remained taciturn all breakfast time and neglected to pass the letter over to his dad, as is his usual habit. I did not like to allude to it, as I thought it might be from some dun, or perhaps from the official agent. However, Dick remembered something';ho had forgotten, and ran away upstairs, leaving his letter on the table. Curiosity tempted me to possess myself of it. It was written in a neat ladylike hand, and ran as follows -.—" My own dearest Richard,—We arrived safely yesterday at Grahamstown, after a most pleasant passage. Iso wish you had accompanied us. The doctor was waiting for us as we landed, and took us up to his house, where we had an excellent repast, and lots of strawberries. We then had a ride on the tramway. After tea we all went to the English Church in Mary street. The performance was such fun. It was a kind of music the friends around me were better able to appreciate and discuss. The people looked pretty, and then gaslight is always more becoming than daylight. If the rest of the people did'nt get themselves up well, the singers did, that's certain, there was Miss —, aud —(here follow ajlist of names) they all looking beautiful. As the Messiah was performed, you could best listen with hushed breach, and an overfull heart ; but I could'nt exactly see why we were expected to stand throughout the principal part of it. In old days Mamma says the audience never rose except for the Hallelujah chorus. There were plenty of tears shed generally, but they did'nt seem to interfere with the lunch which everybody strove to get between the parts. The scene where the pies, cakes, &c, were sold beggars description. In the struggle more than one ice alighted on a devoted but over-zealous head, aud a fat old lady, who stood open-mouthed with astonishment, found a teaspoon unexpectedly between her teeth, dropped from a saucer by a careless waiter. The most devoted lovers of music are not above Tennant's ale, I found ; indeed, I was inclined to think that some of the very abundant tears shed by a fat friend of Mr —-—— in the second part of the glorious oratorio were in a measure due to the copious draughts I saw him imbibe of his favorite beverage. In fact, on seeing me home to the Doctor's, he had the audacity to propose that .." Here Dick re-entered, and I was forced to replace the letter, without being able to finish it or observe the signature. But I must watch my young gentleman a little more closely: 1 have noticed of late that he hasappeared strange at times, especially on Sundays. Can it he that Dick is in love, and is corresponing with the object of his affections. We must see ? Unhappy youth !