CHRISTOPHER WEBSTER'S DOG.

Auckland Star, Volume II, Issue 591, 1 December 1871, Page 2

CHRISTOPHER WEBSTER'S DOG.

B _■ LANCELOT BOOTH.

Christopher Webster was a man, With an income very snug : He had no wife, nor kin, nor child, _ . And used to drain his home-hrewed mild From a furnish'd half-pint mug. Cristopher Webster was not thin— la fact he was rather stout — He did no work ; lived like a cock That's wont to fight, and so did mock The world as it turned about. Christopher Webster had a dog ! This dog was of massive size : It was, in fact, of mongrel breedPerhaps 'twas scarcely worth its feed But this dog did Webster prize. Christopher Webster kept him chain'd In a barrel at his door; And then to make him snap and bitt, A dog that lov'd to snarl and fight, He gave him his tucker raw. He loved to think, when he was out, That his dog was there to guard His bits of things, and often thought That thieves would pause ere they took aught, For his dog was in the yard.

" Sneeze" fed and snarled from day to day— For poor " Sneeze" was never free : The only man he ever saw Was " Kit," of whom he stood in awe, Though he loved him faithfully. Christopher Webster lov'd to bathe, In* the river cool to souse, And one day he thought he'd take poor

" Sneeze," Judging the run his dog would please, Whilst alone he'd leave the house.

Arrived upon the river's bank, He did quickly strip to skin, A nd put his clothes in careful heap And patting, told staunch " Sneeze" to keep And watch them, through thick and thin. Christopher Webster bathed for long ; He swam on his side and back; He dived, and did a heap of tricks, In spite of podgy frame, like bricks, Till he thought he'd got his whack. Christopher Webster gaily stept, From out of the water, lightly ; And, towards his clothes, he turned his toes Never thinking at all of foes, For " Sneeze" was guarding tightly. Meantime while " Kit" was sporting gay, In the water like a whale, " Sneeze" fell asleep upon the clothes And, for a time forgot his woes In a doggrel dreamy tale. In fancy, he was at his post In the barrel, in the yard, Collar and chain about his throat. He dreamt a thief came for the coat And things he was there to guard. > Awake, his doggish eyes but saw A naked form before him, And not having seen his master so, Or forgetting, he did not know And straightway did ignore him. Christopher Webster, not aware" Of the change bo awkward made, All nude approach'd his " pants" to get, But first a towel, for he was wet, When a growl made him afraid. " Sneeze" snarl'd and growl'd and showed his teeth, And made ready for a dart: Christopher Webster deemed it play, And thought his things to snatch away When " Sneeze" seized a fleshy part. Christopher Webster bolted quick To a distance and began To feel his dog in earnest was : He dida't know him, that was p©z, At least not his naked man. Christopher Webster <. nx'd in vain 'Twas no use ! " net* ze" stood his ground, And ev'ry time his. master came - Too near him, " Sneeze" behaved the same And would savage at him bound. In vain did Webster soothing speak Every artifice he tried, He called him his '' poor doggy," and Fain he v. ould make him understand, When a female form he spied. Now Webster waß en deshabille, Naked as when he was born; And when he saw a lady's dress, He felt that he was in a mess. His condition was forlorn ! j -■ But one long ling'riug glance he cast On his trousers in the heap; There was no help—there was rto aid : ; ' He saw himself; he saw themaid, - | And did in the water leap. Christopher Webster sighed and groan'd, And then loud he cursed and swore, That when he was once more at home, His dog again should never roam— He should leave his yard no more. How long poor Webster might havq been In this dripping, drying way; How long he might have tried to seize The clothes so truly watched by " Sneeze," 'Twere impossible to say. But, lucky hour! a bumpkin came And he released him quick ; For when ho heard what Webster said, He laid about poor " Sneeze's" head, And felled him with a stick. Christopher Webster dressed himself, j And: he homeward turned his v/uj, I ■ | With " Sneeze" who, now, his master knew That he was clad ; but " Sneeze" looked blue, And stowed his tail away. Arrived at home poor " Sneeze" was put In the barrel at the "door. And Christopher Webster kept him chain*d, And though poor "Sneeze" whin'd and complained, He ne'er was at freedom more. ;