UNKNOWN

Auckland Star, Volume II, Issue 568, 4 November 1871, Page 2

UNKNOWN

A I'nAPTKHOF'ULrNDKKS AND MISTAKES. — . i\ PEKING L'?iK OF WOKDS. .\no hek class ofmistnkps nrisps from the misuse of worvls. .Mrs. Mala prop and .M r<. Parliu^ton htirc fanns!:'«M many illustrations, t»111 none of them m >r-> comical than are constantly to be tiiol v^ ith in real life. J roiuc-mbor a small boy coming to as!> for a frieud if I had a book railed " The I J/i. !(/■/'■•>// o! Worlds." Another little boy, son f»t" Glis^ow merchant on hfins; ask^il one day how they all wfvn at home replied that they were all well except Ins father who had heea co:di;ed to the .'souse by "an allegory in his leg."

The ini^takcs m ;do by forciaftvefs speakirii» our lan^ua^o are often very amusing, as iiiir mistakes in rovcrs.cJ c.ircumstaiicSs must bo to them.

Every one his heard of the eminent Continental divine who prayed that Dr. Jbaliners might loii£ be "kippered" to his congregation. Pastor John Bost of Laforce told me of a somewhat siiililav mistake which he made in addressing the Free Assembly. In travelling through Scotland lie had heard the word " barren" con tin nnlly applied to hill-topswliere there was no vegetation. Accordingly on rising to address the Assembly in which there

happened to be an unusual number of venerable and bald-headed divines he said his nervousness was increased when he looked round mid saw so many barren heads, ihe Scotsman remarked next day that foi* once the Free Assembly had got the truth told about it, 1 he negroes in America are entitled to more indulgence that foreigners oven, and they need it owim* to the peculiar craze they have for the uxa of big-sounding words. In their dcsiie to " get hrnin'," and belike the white ranu. they clutch at a bi.g worJ whether (hoy understand its mean'm* or not, much jih b hungry boy would clutch at n ]>iecic of broad. I rer'ncm!)er once at a acgrb prayer meeting referring to tins life as a slate :' of probation." Tlie black gentleman who followed me ' improved •my remarks by earnestly reminding the audience that "asour white briulcicr says, we is all in state of prohibition !

Dr. W- osili (vow President of Princetou Scininjirv) tells tho story of a negro who pr.-jyed earnestly that he and his coloured bretiicn might be preserved from what he eall'd their " upsettin' sins."

" .rudder," said- one of his friends at thu c!o-;i! of the mooting '"'you ain't got de li'nrig of 'hit ar word. It's' 1 ieaefctin'," not 1 UpsrUif.'. "

" I'.ud.lrr,1' replied the other i: if dats so, it's so. But I was a pray in' de Lord to save us from de sin of intoxification, and if dat ar ain't a upsettin' sin I dunno what am.'

Ihiriii^j /in exciting discussion in tho Victorian L'sirlianient a member, with this sam cvaze for magnificent; phraseology, denounced the opposite party for '; indulging in diatribes." j hereupon another member who suspected that the speaker did not know the moaning of his ov.'n word, rose with a great show of indignation nnd demanded, in reference to the alleged " diatribes," that the honourable member should either retract or explain.

| The honourable member was caught, and being unable to explain the espiession, withdrew it. Pity that circumstances did not allow of some one calling upon the preacher to ex plain who spoke of.Death '' mowing down his catagogibs of vie fill's!" Ofallthe blunder-! which people ..fulj into from this fdndness for words that conveya»iimpression oi scho'arship, liiere aiv none t!iat Ciill -For !p?s, cbmp ission than blunders in the use <>i' Latin. Frencli. or other unsssimilated vroni's in the pla.'Ll o! goo<l plain English. I retnenjbcr a di.iniiy student at a writieu examination fiadiug hiinseif loi't with too little (imo t.o finish a particular exercisu breaking oft abruptly with a iiash of thy pen and the iiij4l11^ classical pxpianution,

2\on temp its ! An equally learned speaker' Tit a public mee'irit; concluded his appeal by the remarkable wrauing—" Jiemembpr the eyes of the vox popul! are upon you ! ' When the Queen visited i'urdee, in

1844, the Town Council provided a piece of red cloth for her Majesty to walk. upon in-passing from the steamer to the s'ioya! carriage. At a subsequent meetiisg a discussion arose a> to what should hu donewith llio cloth when a learned councillor proposed to preserve it "a.< a memento movh of thelioyal vi.-it." A story is told oi' two shoemakers whose shops faced each other from opposite sides of the street, and who carried on a keen competition, advertising in their windows all the newest fashions o! boots and sh; e.-\ One of them h-id a son at college who provided his father with the motto "M k:« Coxscta Eecti," which vra.s immediately displayed in the window. The rival bootmaker saw if. He had never heard of any boots of that name before but ho was not to be outdone. Next day accovcliiig'y there flumed in his window the announcement " Men's and Women's Go3»sci.\ Becti." blunders fko:.i igxohaxce. Blunders are alwaysjnore absurd when accompanied by an affectation of superior knowledge or wheamade in.matters which 1 every one is expected to be familiar with. A Canadian paper stated not long sine:' that the Mayor of Bran tt'ord while reading ti; t'iO the Council a raotioa written out by one of his colleatuies broke out into au uncontrollable guffaw when lie found ••canal"' spelt kannell. The Councillor demanded an explanation. The Msyoi explained that the word should be spelt ca.uucl.' A. story i.s toid of two American politicians—one from Kansas, the other from Louisiana—that meeting on a Missis.'-ippi steamer they got into a dispute a~ i>> which had got the be>t religious education. The Louisiana man brought lise matter to a test by betting 10 dollars that the other could not repeat the Lord's Prayer. "Done!" said the Kansas man; and after a squirt to afford a moment's reflection, he began in a slow aud steady

1 voice— " Xoiv I lay me down to sk:-p, I pray the —'-' , "Yes, yes; stop, I see you Lure it," said the other, "you needn't go on," —and handed over the stikes. A somewhat similar story is told of a Glasgow- merchant whom T.ve shall 'all Mr. L., ami who or.cc occupied a prominent position in the Town Council. He had 4jone one Sabbath to hear a candidate in one of the city churches of which the Town Council held the presentation. Next day he was speaking with high commendation of the sermon when some one happened to aslc "What was the text?" Mr. L., whose knowledge of Scripture was rather hazy, and who hi i probably been dozing the greater part of the time, was taken a little aback. "The lest?' he said, "the text. What vras It aznin? It bewail with 'iS'ow—' now 6> — 'now is the —' ay, that's it ! now's ihe day and n iw's the l»cljr.' j Curious storii-o !••"> f^M of tlie blunders iniido by Oxford UM.Lv_,ra,iuates in the Scripture examination w Inch as a matter I of form they h.; • -n pass before taking their degree. i It is told of one >..-..: .•. ;,. v asked who was ihe first &n^ M - \; ! i.c was .-o fortuunki' as I > !■ ! »;b!o ■■■ >~u ■'•■■■ name of " > ><iuf." 1! .-,.-. ~jii he \i-\-] hit the mark and wishi;;:; !o s'uv.V th v rxaminers how intimate his fc-iiow \e\oo of :j ie Scriptures w-is ho addi.i •.• uiideiiuaiiy " Saul ! — also i;m.l <1 i'aui." i Air t !'-r was called upon ■to mention ' " the fwr. instances recorded in Scripture '' of the lower animals speaking. The ! undergraduate thought for a moment >, and replied —" Balaam's mss " "That; is one. What is the other?" Under- j graduate paused in earnest thought. At last a gleam ef recollection Jit up j his face as he replied—" The whale ! The whale said unto Jouah, ' Almost thou persuadest me to be a Cliristian."' Mr. Don, author of a book on University Life at Cambridge, is responsible for the following cases : One candidate for a degree stated tlie substance of aul's sermon at Athens to be crying out for the space of two hours, '• Great is Diana of thejEphesians." Another w;:^ asked to give the parable of the good Samaritan. He did so with tolerable accuracy tiii'lie came to the place where the Samaritan sa\fs to the innkeeper ■• When I coiuo again 1 \xi 1 repay thee."_ Here ..he unlucky examinee added, ''This he said knowing that lie should see liis face no nior..",

Anoiher gentleman, vyhose acquaintance with Scripture seems to have of an even more remarkable kind,when called upon to trace the connection between the Old and the New Testament, referred'to the eircum stance that Peter with his sword cut oft1 the ear of the prophet Malaehi.

'Hie case, however, which showed tlio rarest combination of good memory with an inferior sense.of traditional order,was thatoFan examinee who was called upon to give aa account of the death of Jezebel. He evidently felt sure of his ground for lie prefaced his account by a remark about the importance of adhering as olo'sly as possible to Scripture language. Tie then proceeded as follows :—" And as lie passed through, the gate of the city there looked out upon him two persons placed for llio purpose. .• nd he said unto them,' '1 lirow her (.'own.' So they threw her down. And lie said, ' J'oita second ;ime.' And they did it a second time. And he said. 'Do it a third time ' And they did it a third time: aud they did it unto seven times ; 3ea unto seventy times seven. Last of all the svuiii'ii! died also. Aud they took it ;

of the fragments Miafc was left seven baskets full."

Oxford undergraduates seem not to be worse than other folk. In the General Assembly, during a discussion as to the better training of r-tudents, Mr. Douglas Mae'aqan said tli3 Assembly would know the nect-s-iiy there was tor more striase;^y if they nould see some of the papers liauded in by medical students intbepreliminary esarninatioii they are required to pass in iiterature and mathematics, i. question f r instance was put as id the meaning of ti c wor i " hypothesis." ceOue candidate answered that it was " a macltine for raising w^r-r " Another .«aidit was •' somethiug that happened to a man after death "

Ln answer to the requirement, " Give some account of Galileo and Copernicus," one sfudent replied that Galileo was a man who had committed five iourders; another that Galileo and Copernicus were twe | classical heroes who had failea together !in some battle. A third student said that Copernicus was " a compound of two njetals."— Glasgow Citizen.