THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.

Auckland Star, Volume II, Issue 556, 21 October 1871, Page 2

THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.

NO. XLV.

Is it not a very hard thing upon poor King Cakobau, of tlie Fijis, that masters of vessels will attempt to evade—and apparently with success—the port charges which His Majesty has been pleased to fix upon, and it would appear, from the complaint of his Majesty's Grand Vizier, Prime Minister, and Chief Bottle Washer, that the Auckland shipmasters are the worst. Did it not strike you that the Board rather treated the- communication of ILis Majesty, and his Majesty's Grand Vizier, Prima Minister, and Chief-.Bottle Washer, with something like contempt. With the exception of Mr. Shera, who ■alone nr-untaiued an attitude of dignity, they spoke oi' the matter in a light jocular strain, quite out of place, and instructed the Chairman to return on answer to the effect that, " Did his mother k.'ow he was out?" and to notify to all Auckland shipmasters that they need never trouble themselves to pay any kind of tolls or dues at the Fijis, as the people were a harmless set of men, who would'nt, and could'nt, hurt a hair of anybody's head. Since this meeting, however, I understand that Mr. ■" fhera has received an autograph letter from the King of the Fiji Island, enclosing a well drawn sketch of a great cannibalistic feast which is Co conic off in about a month, and in which a number of Auckland navigators appear to form the staple article of diet. King Cakobau requests that the Harbour Board will favour Lovuka with a visit at an early date, as himself and court greatly desire .to make a closer acquaintance with one or two members of the Board— whose fame has reached the Fijis. _fc the bottom of the letter there is a sketch of would be called here a "copper Maori" with several elegant looking joints lying scattered profusely around, and bearing the words "limbs "of the board" written un- ! demeath. L-'omy of these " limbs" are ■quite rccogii:_"*b!o. lam jj;lkl to notice that the interior oi the different Government buildings in town are beginning to assume quite an ancient look. Indeed, one of them—the Provincial Government Buildings in Shortland-street—would appear to have been built many centuries ago, judging from internal appearance. Ascending the staircase from the corner next the Post Office Savings' Bank, the eye is struck in every direction with tho masses of dirt overlaying tlie nearly new stone. Fioors, ceilings, walls, windows, bannisters, and indeed everything, is black with it—here ! and there variegated with a streak of white or a travelling caravan of the same colour, denoting where ingenious youth has harrowed over it with the finger. 1 he contrast between the filthy colour of the walls, and the white disclosed by ploughing as aforesaid, is striking, if not pleasing. But perhaps the Government prefer it thus ;or the attendants have too much on hand to think it worth their while to occasionally ply the brush. Boffin's mound was nothing to the mound that will accumulate when the broom does get to work. I notice that a few stout mechanics are required to fill up the ranks of the Engineers _ w h o ; even as this journal is being issued from the press, are dressing themselves in their best, and arranging their various cross-belts and pouches to the best advantage, preparatory to the receipt of ten rounds of blank cartridge to he blown away at ii*>*o o'clock. Ana the recruits mast be mechanics: it is absolutely necessary for the good of the corps, which I understand is to be told-off next week for the purpose of laying the telegraph between the Thames and Tauranga, for which they are to receive a shilling a day and find themselves. !he Bachelors' ball was a groat success the other night. Dick would have been present but for his being at Ohiuemuri. Of course, not being a bachelor, I could not attend myself, but I am told they were all very, very jolly, and after supper sang that well-known glee of '' We won t go "home till morning" very sweetly— which they certoinbj did not; and I hear it is extremely likely lliat several who were bachelors on that occasion will very shortly cease to be so, having at the hall met with their " affinities." It was a very hard case, the other day, when the Mayor's horse—or should 1 rather say, pony—was fined 103 for being found rambling at large. lam told this is a most intelligent animal, and that he cm find his way blindfold, to the Provincial Council Chambers' stables, where he used to get a cheap feed while the Council was silting. He lms lately had several flying visits to this locality, and it was while on his route that he was captured and pounded. Speaking of the Mayor's horse reminds me of. another subject, closely allied, viz., a carriage—and a state carriage, to all appearance—a most gorgeous vehicle of yellow and gold, drawn by a magnificently harnessed courser, and in charge of a blue uniformed youth, has been dashing about the streets in great style to-day. Who is the owner of this gorgeous turn-gut, and whero did it suddenly spring from ? Js he a Caledonian, or does he own half of the Thames ? Is it a new official-turn out, expressly designed for the leading members of the Corporation, or is it a superior Eoinan chariot, just arrived for Mr. Murray? I pause (or a reply. As Ido so a friend taps me on the shoulder, and says, " iiav.: yoJ ncn Biles's new cart?" '-What Biles?" says I. "Biles the butcher." says he, upon which I suddenly collapse, and say, il Is that all ? Well, I never ! he's a go: ir it, he is." I wish I was n b'utcl or. What a state of excitement and even alarm the share-brokers are in to be sure at lb"' introduction, into ihe Assembly; of the bid which Liu.'.ileus to deprive them of lliciv drarcst m-iits and privileges. "Two sureties in £200, and yourself in £2000, as a guarantee of your honesty towards your neighbours' and the rest of Her Majesty's subjects, with an immediate payment of £25. No wonder that d.*ibbh.Y" in shares are almost frantic; for although it is mi- that many of them — not worth a red urn.—may get some of their friends to become sureties for them, and even themselves revel in a personal bond of £2000, is there so much money in the world, "as they say in the play — yet* many of them, if not the majority, will find it a very troublesome matter to raise £25 all at once." I'm glad that the bill has been brought in, and trust it will

pass, for there is no doubt that the sharebroking community want weeding terribly. Once let it become law, and many of these* gentry will again fall back upon their former avocations of bootblacking, " old clo" selling, general dealing, and to their unmitigated propensities of "loafing at the bar." In good truth, the respectable portion of the shareholders will be well-pleased to get rid of such individuals, and the public generally will be able to contemplate the prospect of entrusting their money to a sharebroker with considerably more faith than they do at present. I have just received a despatch from Dick, who,'in the capacity of special commissioner for tho Stab, accompanied Dr. Pollen and Mr. Mackay to Ohinomuri a few days a.2,0. As well as I can make it out, the telegram runs as follows ■—" We left Shortland in the Royal Mail Steamer Gemini, and under cover of the darkness we were piloted by the chiefs Paul and Taipari up the river Thames. I need scarcely inform you, my dear dad, that we had heaps of waipiro on board, or that the decks of this spacious vessel were encumbered with bags of flour and sugar, i he two latter commodities were treated by the natives on board with the most supreme indifference, but to ■ the liquors they paid great attention. After passing several villages, where the chief occupation seemed to be eating and drinking and enjoying themselves on tho part of the natives, we hove in sight of the Ohinemuri camp about eight o'clock in the morning. Several thousands of the dusky inhabitants lined the banks, most of whom held in one hand an early edition of tonight's Stag, while the other, for the greater part, was cemented to a bjttle of eau de vie. We landed in great state, and were ushered into the presence of Mere Kuril, who was elegantly dressed in a coral necklace. We made a most humble obeisance to Her Majesty, and should no doubt have kissed the hem of garment had we seen such, but in the absence thereof we touched the necklace aforesaid with the tips of our lingers. Mackay said, " Tenakoe, old cuss; homui te waipero." At this friendly salutation her intellectual visage expanded to a broad grin, and her post-office opened wider than ever. '' Kapai," said she ; '' me iikeo the waipero " —saying which she tilled a small cask of commissariat, and took a long swig. " Mother of tho hills," said Mackay, " wc confess we have much wronged you, but we bring gold and sugar, and fljur, and grog. Take them all and spurn us if you will." Tho steamer was, by this time, unloaded, and the treasures laid at her feet, lieforo you could say " knife," the flour and sugar were whipped away into the whares, while the old woman, with a feeling of considerable delicacy, herself took charge of the gold. " What you wantee now," she said ? " Want to dig tlie ground," said M ackay, at the same time approaching the venerable chieftainness, and rubbing her nose against his own proboscis with sulfiient force to wring tears into the old lady's eyes. "All rightee," said she. "What you give us, let you prospect? Plenty gold over here. You Government man;-'" says she, turning to Dr. Pollen. " _ou give us order for ten million pounds _ou make every man pay _20 a weekee, and you swear to clear oui

every man Jack when we v. autre. You, too. You also swear to lei the Maori be the master and do just what wc tell you to, and only where we wantee you too, and then we allh-igluee." At this Pollen scratched his head, and says he to jVlaekaj, " This is rather hot, what *ay ye, my noble henchman." " And mind," adds Kuril, "We don't allow no Government here—too much the humbug—white man do as Maori tell him—we not allow pos1; and wire cither, and we no let you have what you call your papers—the Maori no bkee that —and you clear out when wo tel you." "That's all rot," says " Mackay. "The terms are too high." At this the Maoris set up a loud yell, and commenced to pelt the small party of whites with new potatoes. Says Pollen, "I think we'd better agree," and at la?t Mackay gave in. By this time'a ring had been formed round a pole —the Maories got round it, and after swigging at the grog we had given them (many casks of it), commenced to sing, " No fearee—whitcman a humbug no want him hero ; we got your money, wc got your grog and icaikai, now better hookey walker." kvery effort to make it up was useless; old Mere Kuril, who rapidly smeared herself with war-paint, approach d Pollen in a threatening attitude, with a stout cudgel in her hand. ."Von too much the soap," said she, "you walkee while you safe, or you get cut in mincemeat; and you old Mackay, you one humbug, Cloud say so, and so you be. Put 'em off," says she to her followers, " and tell them we'll think nbout it." And before wc knew where we were, tho whole party was hustled into the boats again, and a few minutes later we were rapidly .steaming towards Shortland amid the jeers of the natives, and minus our money, our waipiro, and our sugar and Hour. As I now write in the chief cabin of this commodious steamer, the sobs of Mackay and Pollen arc falling on my ear. The steward has just gone to assuage their grief with a bottle of i 'imville. Dick. Nathaniel Ureswing.