THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.

Auckland Star, Volume I, Issue 512, 31 August 1871, Page 2

THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.

No. XXVII.

I see the joint-committee, consisting of the members of the Harbour Board and members of the Borough Council, can't agree at all upon the subject of the sewer. 'I he Borough members think the Harbour Board ought to pay half the expenses of the abatement of the nuisance.,the Harbour ijoara memuors 01 course tlnnic they oughtn't. However, the committee at length roconunended that the sewer should be continued to low water mark under the houses on the western side of the wharf. They were of opinion that a good number of these houses being restaurants, and refreshment rooms of different kinds, the exhalations from below would be most acceptable. However, on the report being brought up at the Borough Council and the Harbour Board, both unanimously agreed that something ought to bo done ; but that it was the duty of neither to go to any expense in the matter, that it would be quite time onough to think of putting their hands in their pockets, or rather the coffers of their respective institutions, when a few hundred people had been carried off by fever. So the report was referred back to the committee, who will now, wo understand, recommend that the sewage bo retained in the harbour, at all hazards, for the benefit of the public at large. The new member of the Harbour Board, Mr. Boilin, has already distinguished himself, if not by the aeuteness of his brain and tonaue, by the dulucss of his organs of scintillation. At the meeting on Tuesday he is reported to have said that it might seem a startling statement to make, but he could assure lion, members that there wasn't the slightest smell from the sewerage matter ; that he had on the very hottest day last summer, when he felt it necessary to cool and refresh his frame after a Jong night's debate in the Council, " put his head into the sewer, and could smell nothing unpleasant." On. the contrary, we believe the lion, gentleman derived great satisfaction from the process, and no doubt he may be seen every day during the approaching summor taking a vapour bath at the junction of Queen-street and'the wharf. Talk about a Turkish,bath after that! As for putting one's head into the lion's mouth, why it's a fool to it; at least I. know which I would prefer. At this statement of Mr. Boilin, the Board couldn't help boilin' over with laughter, but the lion, gentleman, ever anxious for his country's good, at once moved, "That a branch pipe from the sewer be laid down every street in Auckland, with a trap in the centre of ■ every road, to be open during the heat of the day thoughout the summer months for the refreshment and comfort of the public generally." If this motion is carried, it has been suggested by a, friend that these traps in general should be called Boilin's Life Prolongcrs, whilo tho Queen-street Wharf in particular ought to be known by the title of (i Boilin's Scent Bottle." But for our own part we must protest against this unseemly discussion, and would humbly suggest that while the Borough Council and ![arbour Board aro talking bunkum on the subject, that the Government be petitioned to abate the nuisance at any cost, for we are not all so thick-skinned and impervious to miasma as these two institutions would appear to be.

I notico that Mr. fillips, the Mayor and Ecturning Officer, Has 'issued' his writ for the return of thrco duly-

qualified persons to sit in the Borough Council as Councillors to represent the people. Among those members who are to retire by rotation is Mr. George Staines, the " people's champion," who has so nobly upheld the honor of fancy repositories in general and his own secoud-hand and marine store in particular. I hear that strenuous exertions will be made to prevent him getting in when he is once out; but I say to the electors generally and to the City Councillors particularly—pause ! I say, before you strike at, the very root of our national liberty. What would ye be without your Staines ?—where would ye be without his "dawg?" Occupiers of private streets ! lovers of lamps at every corner! and admirers of the champion generally ! up rouse ye now in all your might to defeat the machinations of the Opposition, who, headed by the Scotch Thistle, have certainly made up their minds to prevent the return of the Spittlesfields weaver; —anl to you of the Council would. I appeal, and ask —Will nothing touch your hearts, or are they altogether formed of adamantine clay ?—Think of that cold day when, on the Surrey shores, the gallant Staines fell on his poor old uncle's neck and wept, and, leaving him for the last time, presented him with a three-penny bit to drink his health, —vrill not this touch your hearts — will nothing touch it. Conscious in his own rectitude, goodness of purpose, and other angelic qualities, he came among us, and by a most indefatigable course of brokerage has he attained the proud position which he now holds. His title as a member of the Council ye have taken from him; no hope is now left him but the Mayor's chain and chair; but if you dow take from him that hope by shutting him out he must, like another Cincinnatus, retire from the cares of public life to the quiet of his back yard, there to pass the rest of liis weary days sorting out old iron. But be up and doing George, and you will defeat them yet. I see the Theatre Koyal Company have been playing "Formosa" at the Thames, where " Histriomastrie," the talented theatrical critic of the Star, has given the piece a terrible " slating,"—quite as bad as anything the wretched hash received at the hands of the Auckland press. ADd yet I am told that some of the worst portions of the play had been cut out before the management dared place it on the boards at all, at Grahamstown, and even then it was terribly slow. But of .'course it was pronounced by the next day's advertisement to be a "tremendous succoss," While speaking of matters theatrical, I would remind my readers that Mr. HoSkins, the celebrated light comedian, who has met with such a wonderful success in this city, will to-night take- his benefit, and as ho will appear in two characters for the delineation of which he is eminently suited, the result will be, I have no doubt, an immense success. But when he plays Shylock, &c., he is evidently out of his own peculiar line, and therefore fails to inspire that enthusiasm and those feelings of genuine enjoyment which is the case with his high-class comedy characters. The programme to-night will certainly be one with which the most captious cannot complain, including as it does the fine comedy of " Used Up," and the still finer comedy of " The Serious Family." In, the first, Mr. Hoskins will appear as Sir Charles Coldstream, the .smith ;in the last piece, M* tfnCvm. •« •to give us a portrait of the sneainng, crawling, Aminndab Sleek—while that charming actress, Miss Florence Colville, will sustain the parts of Mary Wurzel and Mrs. Ormesby Delmaine respectively. 7 Such a bill of fare, composed of suoli superior ingredients, ought to draw a bumper house.

day. He was at a win I spirit sale, and was talking confident to one of the buyers, when the aucti r cried out, " No collusion, gentlemei the purpose of keeping the price do? You would get six months on the r i for that, on the other side." "Oh ndeed," said Gherkins, " then its a go( >b you're not t there, for you'd be w ing a much. *-*%:>, larger hammer than yo s now got in evep' your hand." This, of cc 3 turned the * laughter on to the auc eer, who atr once proceedechwith the i. / I duly despatched Dithis morning" by the Royal Mail steam »emini to the scene of the Festivities alverhead, and unless he is suffering froa "confusion of mixed drinks " on hi eturn, he will no doubt lay before the aders of this journal on Saturday a fu ccount of the cutting the first sod in anection with the Kaipara railway.

TX athani Beeswing.