THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.

Auckland Star, Volume II, Issue 506, 24 August 1871, Page 2

THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.

No. XXIV.

Why doesn't somebody step in and try and stop the extravagance of the Borough JounoilP for, positively, the notions this institution lias got into iis head are quite beyond its station. While the City Board, it was quite content to have one large room uncarpeted, wheiv Chairman, Councillors, clerks, and all were hail fellows well met. Bat no sooner was there a Mayor than that Mayor and the Town Clerk must have their private room, and to furnish, this and put'dßfew pieces of matting on the Board-roomifloor, an expenditure of £30 was gone to. I don't wonder at the " people's champion" on the last day of meeting asking where was the £30 worth of furniture, and being answered on this point, he wanted to know further why the washingstand and basin had been removed from the Board-room—where it had been used by the different officers of the Board—to the Mayor's room. Why should not the unfortunate officers of the Board be allowed to wash their hands as well as their betters ?—their work was very much dirtier. One of the members of the Board very much doubted this. But the Mayor settled the matter by telling the clerks that, as they wero all in the same boat, they could all wash their hands together. Mr. Staines was heard to say he'd wash his hands of them altogether if they didn't look out. The accounts were then passed, and the next grumble took place on a motion of Mr. Smart's, that £30 should be expended in the Albert Barracks for scats, stand for band, &v. To this piece of unmitigated extravagance Mr. Makre'ady at onco took objection. He said they had far better spend the money on the streets, say in front of the Star Jloto), which was often very fuggy of a night time. Several hon. members supported the motion, and said that the Council was as much justified in looking after the souls of the people as after the soles of their shoes, and therefore a lew pounds judiciously expended in music would do much towards that end. The mi>t ion was carried, I am glad to say, for although, no doubt £30 would do some little good in the matter of repairing the roads, I am not among the number who think that the public pleasures and tastes should altogether bo ignored.

What a dreadfully sensitive man Mr. Waymoutli must be to be sure, and how particular about the feelings of his youthiul son. This latter gave certain parties in custody for stealing some timber ; which certain parties the Court discharged with a caution. Waymoutli, senior, the next morning went to our worthy magistrate to complain of a para* graph which hid appeared in one of the morning papers, and which he thought censured his dear boy, whose feelings had since been so overcome that he had not been able to eat more than eight eggs for breakfast that morning. He applied to the Court for redress. The magistrate said ho pitied the lad, and was surprised at the lather, but there was no doubt they had both acted to the best of their judgment, aud as no harm was meant by the papers, no harm could have accrued. J3ut the matter was now beyond the jurisdiction of the Uourt, and he resominended him to apply to the Clerkinweil Sessions for redress, for he would surely get none there. Mr. Waymouth then left the- Court with tears in his eyes. What a pleasant thing it must be to be the contractor of a dock. How I should like to gut the job ior the Auckland one ! I see that the contractor for the dock at Dunedin has been served with n writ for the sum of something like £'2u,000. This must be highly exhilirating. But what could be expected all the piece through when they took to such extensive and such expensive works in such a wretched little hole as Duuedin. If it had been Auckland now, I should not so much havo wondered —but Dunedin ! Faugh ! However, if they try that little game on here, the probability is that, if any writs are served at all, they will be for much larger amounts—and that'll be some comfort. J3ut at present they are busy making out the writs for the railway contractors ; the writ for the dock contractors will follow by-and-bye, when the Harbour Board get their loan.

I observe from an ably written article in one of the daily morning journals, that a company is to be started lor the manufacture of pickled onions, which, it is said, will grow as large as cabbages in this province, if allowed to hang long enough, and properly treated, before being pulled. The capital of the company will bo £100,000, in £100 shares, and every housewife in the province is earnestly besouehfc to take at least one share, for the sake of encouraging local industry. The onions are warranted to be hot and strong, and in every way suitable for affecting situations, whero forced tears are required at the shortest notice. I also see, by the same influential journal, that there is immense excitement in town on the subject of local industries generally, andthat already we have manufactories of the following articles—among others going on in our midst:—wind,, rain, and mud, law, courts, and crime, scrip, speculation, insolvency, and lunacy, to say nothing of pettifogging, perjuring and swindling generally, to which even the manufacture of pickled onions must give way, for the others are far more profitable, so that I think for the present X will no f j take more than six shares in that company.

What's all this row about tho disquisition on beer, delivered 4 in a church ? I wasn't there, and can't tell exactly what tho minister said; but from what I hear it was nothing very dreadful. If there was anyone in the place of worship who ought to be ashamed of himself, it should be the man who, wrapped in his own egotism, fanaticism, and ;self-conceit, got up from iiis seat in seeming disgust and murched out of the chapel. A pretty cxamplc>, truly, for one of the elect to set. But tho preacher could well afford to spare such a bigoted teetotaller, who, before he attempts to t<ike the mole out of his neighbour's eye, should look to the one in his own. And for a man in the public position which he holds, 'I must say I think his conduct upon tho occasion in question mean and contemptible, though I have no doubt he thought it the proper thing. Pah! I am sick of thinking of such narrow-minded humbugs. That was rather a homothrust that Mr. Tonks gave to Major TisdaU the

other day in his place in the Borough Council. A letter was read from the gallant son of Mars saying that the reason why the chain was kept across the Barrack gates was to keep horses and cows out, whereas it now appears—according to the statement of Mr. Tonks — that the reason the chain was up was not to keep othor people's horses out, but to keep the Mnjor's own horses in. It was also stated that the barracks was a perfect milkyard, being full of goats, kept for the especial purpose of providing the police force with the milk of human kindness. This may, perhaps, account for so few arrests having been made lately. A letter was received from Inspector Broliam, in which ho stated that hod put every goat into the pound before the morning, for the effect of the milk upon the men was anything but what he could wish and ho repeated that every goat should be clapped in chokee, und every constable be compelled to cut his goatee off. The letter concluded by stating that; the Government was negotiating for the purchase of a few she-wolves, whose milk, it was hoped, would have a better effect upon the police than that which they had been in tho habit of imbibing. In conclusion, Inspector Broharn recommended tiie Council to pay a special visit to the Albert Barracks on the first day tho she wolves were turned out, and, if possible, allow the band to be present also. If thiswere done, some pleasing diversioii m'"ht be exiipcted.

The meeting at the North Shore last night was a very lively affair. Dick was there in full force, but was not able to return to town till this morning, so that J had not time to enquire the lull particulars of him, but from what I hear, it will be well worth recounting "in my next paper.

Nathaniel Beeswing