THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.

Auckland Star, Volume II, Issue 500, 17 August 1871, Page 2

THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.

NO. XXI.

We are a happy people—at least we ought to be, for has not the-Right Honorable Julius Vogol returned from England with the fifty billions of pounds in his waistcoat pocket. There's no mistake about Julius ; he's one of the right sort, lie is; he looks straight before him, goes slap at his object, collars it, and returns triumphantly. And what will the Evening Kag say nuw ? It was always prognosticating evil of all kinds iv connection with this loan—that Mr. Vogel only wanted to serve his own ends, that he had shaken the dust of New Zealand from his feet with great delight, to become an English Commissioner at £1500 a-year, &c.; and yet, after all, my old friend lias turned up safe and soutd with the coin in his pocket. (Some people have quarUonthe brain. There is one man in this city who has Vogcl on the brain, who only lives to think, dream, and talk of Vogel ; and upon my word I think that man should make the liight Honorable Julius a very handsome present, for what the readers of the Evening Hag would have done without their daily dose of Vogel it is hard to say, though there are people who affirm that the daily dose has been exceedingly nauseous of late. Yesterday was a great day for Auckland, a proud day for JL'ick, and a glorious day for the people. The magnificent sixteen paddle steamer Neverdue, Captaia Bcatem, was fully expected to arrive and bring with her billions of untold gold iv the care of the Kight Hon. Julius and his efficient Secretary. At 12 o'clock Dick came running to me, and told me that our Oceanic correspondent had just sent him a special telegram that the JN rcverdue was in sight from the Devil's Peak at Coromandel. The news soon spread about the town, and shortly after one o'clock the mail steamer was signalled. Two hours later she rounded the .North Head in the presence of a multitude of capitalists, contractors, plebeians, harpies, &c, who thronged the Queen-st. Wharf, while watermen's boats were employed by the hundreds, and Dr. Hollen, of the Native Department, and Mr. Settler, of the Caledonian, led the van, closely followed by the Inspector of Police who kept his eye on 'em. The steamer was seen to be deeply laden, and visions of tons and tons of gold floated before the fervid and fertile imaginations of the assembled liundreds of thousands who, upon that cheerful afternoon/••waited patiently on the Queenstreet '.wharf:: to give Hho great man a welcome upon his return to the land ol Smells. Julius, with his usual usability, and as if uuconscious of the mighty interest which his advent had caused, stood with his back to the fire and his thumbs in his waistcoat sleeves, and received his guests most kindly as they arrived, never omitting to wish them to take something, and I will do them the justice to say that they liberally availed themselves of the invitation on the distinct understanding that the drinks were paid for out of the loau fund. Numerous addresses of welcome were presented to the Great Borrower. 1 have not space to mention one quarter of them, but they were all received in a gracious spirit. The saloon was thronged:with njijne^rousfcleputalions, who threw their eyes around the splendid cabin, expecting- to see a coin of the realm staring at them from every chink. But it didn't. The first address presented was from Dr. Hollen, on behalf of the General Government. It was as follo>vs :. —" Illustrious Vogcl, allow the unworthy 'subscribers to greet you,5 and hope you have enjoyed yourself during your trip to the old country. That you have befm successful in raising/the fifty million billion pounds, is to us a source of great satisfaction ; and I iiopo when you get in your place in the House you will see your way to double my screw, for the work is getting oppressively slow. We "trust the:. General Government won't be bamboozled with giving the wretched little provinces any of the cash, —the idea i 3 insane and idiotic; but it is just possible that having to repay this money they may expect a small share of it. If there's any chance of Johnny getting the dirty kick out below as member for City West, settle a million a-year on him, so that he can give up that wretched billet he holds.—Dr. Hoilen, on behalf of himself and the rest of the General Government officers." The next address was from the Deputy Superintendent, and was pithy and to the, point: " Julius, you are a brick, and you(knowit. It is quite truo that our Superintendent was Hat enough to oppose tiio loan altogether; but we assure you that we, his lovingjand faithful Executive, arc of a very -jdifferent opinion, and never omit* an opportunity of borrowing half-a-crown from a deserving friend. We | are

not proud, Julius, and pur wants are small. Among the works, itkieh. will have to be undertaken by our portion of the money, we might briefly mention the underground railway from Auckland city to the top of Mount Rangitoto, an overground railway from here to the Thames, Waikato, Kaipara, and to Mount Eden — the latter is.of special importance—with a branch line to our Super's private dwelling at Epsom, telegraphy- over the entire province, and last, but not least, a patent pneumatic tube from here to the moon, fqr the purposes of scientific research, it having been confidently. stated to this Government that the prospects there are decidedly payable—and a few other minor works which need not be specially referred to now. Your loving subjects, Joseph ■Bay, Hughey:'Musk, Johnny Ileean, and Johnny Thirst." This deputation was received with special favor and " liquored up" with great liberality. The next was from the Mayor and Corporation,,and was perhaps the most sensible of the whole," We, your dutiful and worshipful Mayor and Corporation trust, that, before you leave this city on your perilous journey to Wellington, you will at least leave a few millions for the temporary uso of the Corporation. Wo can recommend Mr. piddlcuma as treasurer, ho understands pickings as well as any other public man this side the line. We must have waterworks at once, the Qa'een-street sewer must be sent away—to Wellington, ff you will —and we wish an opposition Gas Company started without delay. [The other wants were numerous, but we havo not space to insert them.] In conclusion, let us recommend to your notico the following princely merchants as worthy of the patronage of the General Government in the matter of supplies generally : Mr. Fillips, purveyor of soup tureens and articles for the cuisine generally; Mr. Hadkin, our local coach-builder; iVI r. Jorge, purveyor of bread aud biscuits ; Mr. Hasher, a vendor, of slops, now and old; Mr. Macrcady, a dispensor of aqua vittc and other little luxuries of a similar kind ; Mr. danipding, the emineut tailor; Mr. Tongs, the prince of auctioneers; Mr. ißuggins, a good job-liand iv the brick and mortar line; and lnst, but by no means least, our future Mayor—the people's champion—George Brains, proprietor of the emporium for the disposal of general marine stores, old iron, bones, rags, and butlles —

Thri urbane Town Clerk had read thus far, : when .Julius suddenly interrupted Lira and usked the deputation if they'd take a liquor. The next instant they were crowded togothor in a heap in the bar-room, and the next deputation was " going on." But 1 cannot nrention all the addresses, and will conclude with one which allowed how truly grateful Auckland ig foragood turn done to-her. "From the members of the Southern Ulub to the V rery liight Hon. Julius Vogel, Ksq. As a mark of our great appreciation of your public services, we invite you this -evening to an Al feed of oysters, lobster salad, and champagne, at our fashionable hostelry in Kingstreet, in order that you may give us a full, true, and particular account of whai 's been doing, and,, whether there is any chance of uny of us fellows getting a good contract. The- only stipulation we make is, that no low press fellows be admitted. On behalf of the Club, Captain Haveany." Julius replied that he'd see them— blowed first, for that he had done nothing since he left jN'ew Zealand which would not bear the light of day. The deputation then withdrow, with its tail between its legs, and without even having a drink. The Great Borrower then ascended to the deck, and descended into the vice-regal barge, amid a general salute from tiie battery, and the enthusinslic cheers of the people. The carriage of tho town was waiting for him; and Ec drove in great state to Government ilouse. In the evening he sent a special invitation to myself and Dick, and made us tho most handsome promises if we would go to Wellington, where ho said ho would at once place me at the head of a now department which should be specially created for me. But having, Mr. Editor, made a positive engagement with you for the next ten years, I could not of course accept the kind offer, but I think I shall let Dick go. Dick says lie shall bo glad to gut away, for that lately, since his disappointment in love, his life has become ti burden to him. But more of this anon. Nathaniel Beuswing.