THE MAW ABOUT TOWN. No. XII.

Auckland Star, Volume II, Issue 482, 27 July 1871, Page 2

THE MAW ABOUT TOWN. No. XII.

At last the Highway meetiugs are over, and lam very glad of it; for they have been a very constant source of worry to me, and have cost me no end of money ; for, as I before remarked, Dick has bsen to every one within t;n miles of town, and I have had to pay the piper. The three last have been the three most interesting events of the season, but to give even the faintest idea of what took place, would take up too much of your valuable space. Dick, of course, gave me the full particulars with great glee, and wanted himself to write you the reports. T need only say then that at Maketu there was an exceedingly lively meeting ; that the action of those present was violent in the extreme, so much so that the chairman read the account of the Paris

riots, and hinted that the proceedings of the rebels were but a very mild form of rowdyism when compared with that meeting. A scrimmage then ensued; the weakest went to the wall, and the Board and their supporters were turned out of the hall and locked out. At the

Dcvonport meeting matters were, as might be expected, full of life and animation ; but it was some time before the Noble Senate could find a place in which

to hold their deliberations, in consequence of the I_ear-Admiral of the Blue, Mr.

David Churn, having locked up the House of Assembly. However, on an appeal beirf^ macle to him, he magnanimously threw it open to the populace, when a controversy took place

I very similar to others which had j previously taken place at other meetings, and in the course of which the

noble senators were of course accused of wilful appropriation of tho public funds, while there was a great stir made about the trilling matter of a leaf being torn out of the account books, and a few thousands having been suspended for the payment of proxies for the use of the senators. However, when it came to the vote, to show what confidence, the populace had in them, most of them were turned out, and others elected. Btit the gem of all the highway meetings came off the same night at Parnell. The legal knowledge displayed at this meeting was truly wonderful, and will probably lead to the whole proceedings being gone over again. There was lots of "jaw," and plenty of " law," and the language used was more forcible than polite. The " Barrel" over the way played an important part in the proceeding?, and Dick suys that he—fancy even he—got so disgusted with the whole affair that he bribed a small boy to turn out the gas, while he himself adjourned to the " Barrel," it being past midnight, and very cold and wet. M fter leaving the place of meeting, he tells me there was a sound as of many Kilkenny cats, and ho sincerely hopes that some of them got " chawed up," for he says they were the biggest lot of rowdies that lie ever saw together, take them all in all. Have you seen the prospectus of the new company—the "Take-em in and Do 'em all Gold Mining Company !" capital £50,000,000, in a million shares at £0 each. No less than twenty-fiveshades have already been taken up, and valuable properties purchased in tho Oock-a-doodle, Wind 'cm up,, and Swindle 'cm claims, all of which are guaranteed to pay the legal manager a good salary ; and cnlls will be made without delay. Further investments will be made in similar well known claims. The company has been formed with a view of allowing those who have the necessary " nous" to make a few pounds at ihe expense of their fellow citizens, and it is sincerely hoped that the public will come liberally forward in so praiseworthy an object. By paying down the whole amount of the shares, all risk and anxiety will bo avoided, and the shareholder may, if he chooses, proceed to Jericho or Jerusalem without fear of molestation. If there should be heavy dividends during his absence, .they will be carefully taken cara of andnoinquiries made. The terms are £49 10s on application, fivo shillings on allotment, and the other five shillings to be called up at different times until the shares are fully paid up —application to be made to Messrs. Grab and iioldhard, and no money returned. I think, Mr. Editor, thei'e are quite enough of these sort of companies about, and if some people don't look out, they will bite their fingers. The Licensed Victuallers' affair last night was a great success. Tho " Bottle" passed off with* great success, followed by the amusing farce of "Ten .Sights in a Bar-room." The thirst between tho acts was prodigious, so that, I fear, the moral programme had not the desired effect. The attendance up-stairs was decidedly " mixed," if the liquors were not, and the proceedings of some of the people (male and female), was simply disgraceful. Several hobble-de-hoys, led on by a Mr. Bull, who dabbles in shares, amused themselves and their fair companions by throwing " lollies" at one another throughout the evening, and otherwise disturbing by the most unseemly noises, tho proper development of the play. With such chattering monkeys I have no sympathy, and if they had been fetched wut, sent back to school and the birch liberally applied, it would have served them very well right. A friend of mine asked me this morning if I'd buy a few shares. "What in?" says I. "In the Pickwick Gold Mining Company," says he. " A very good claim," I remarked ; "but are there any calls to pay?" "Well," he replied, " only three threepenny ones. Will you take them P" " . es," said I, " and pay the calls—in a Pickwickian sense"—and we parted. "Wanted, 500 men to dine at a certain cook-shop every day." I haven't the slightest doubt that this philanthropic party would feed 5000 as well ns 500.' But wouldn't boys or women pay him as well, or must they necessarily be men P It's like the gent/eman, who is' always " wanting'to lend £5000," while there are always hundreds wanting to borrow. And yet, strange to say, the lender is still "wanting" to put his money into the hands of the poor and needy—no doubt from purposes of pure philanthropy, and yet tho two never seem to eomo together. I am glad that mining property is going up. Dick was down tho Caledonian yesterday, and I received ihe following telegrams in the course of the day:— 10a.m.: "Poor as over. Dividends will

cease next week. Place no reliance on anything you hear, unless it comes from the News people. 11 o'clock : Struck it heavy." I immediately wrote back to know what unfortunate it he referred to. He treated this pertinent inquiry with silent contempt. At noon came the following message:—" 50 tons of rich specimens — people mad with excitement —buy up all you can at £500," but as he didn't send a cheque I omitted to do so. 1 p.m. — " All business suspended, every man employed in holding his neighbour's head on. Send by return of wire some soothing potions or I shall be off my chump before night." ".A sudden earthquake has laid the whole hill bare and it is one mass of gold." Shares at once go up to £5000, and every man in Auckland commences to sell, beg, borrow, or steal to get a Caledonian. Queen-street impassible and the crowds at the corner surging to and fro in a stale of semi-, lunacy; 3 o'clock p.m , departure of steamer for Sydney; 4 p.m., another special telegram from Thames. " Calm yourselves ; Caledonian all a mistake. What was supposed to be gold has turned out to be mica." Itapid subsidence of shares to £200, at which they remain firm. Dick tells me that Gherkins, of the Oxidental Hotel, who might net inappropriately be culled the Burnum of the South, has got a real calf on.view with two heads and two tails, and that lie will shortly hare tho smallest pig ever seen, with any number of legs and heads. I must see these amusing animals before I can pronounce any opinion on thcai. Nathaniel Beeswing.