WIT AND HUMOUR.

Auckland Star, Volume I, Issue 191, 19 August 1870, Page 2

WIT AND HUMOUR.

CHABLES. Tell me, Laura, \?hy that sadness ? Tell me why that look ot' care ? Why has fled that look ot' gkdness, That thy face was wont to wear ? IAUBA. Charles, 'tis useless to dissemble; Well my face may wear a frown, For I've lost ray largest hairpin, And my chignon's coming down !

A Most Contagious Disease.— " Rumor"tism.

A Bath-rooii Incident.—A burly ruffian iv Chicago recently escaped from, the hands of a policeman into a house, and into a bath-room where a lady was performing her ablutions, The lady uttered a shriek and fainted, and th« fellow turned to go as the policeman made his appearance.

A gentleman of good family, in England, very eccentric, but wealthy and good looking, was quite a pet with tlie ladies of the neigh* bourhood where he resided, which was in tha vicinity of one of th« fashionable wakring places on the English coast .His wealth and position made him a desirable match, and finally he so far yielded to the persistent assaults of the enemy, as to enter into a matrimonial contract, one of the conditions «f i whi-h was, that on his wedding day he should | be dragged to church in a bath chair by Ms bride, attired in her bridal array; This singular provision was actually carried out,'to the immense gratification of crowds of loungers on the public street.

" The Servants."—Coot: " Yes, Susan.,: I'm a AVritin' to Mary Harm Miggs. She've applied to me for the Chamfer of mj last Missis, which she's Thinkin' of takin' the Bitiwation " Susan : " Will you giro her one ?" Cook : " Well, I've said thia. (Reads.) 1 Mrs. Perksits presents her compliiiiinks to Miss Migg.V and begs to Inform her that I consider Mrs. Brown a respek'able young Person, and one as knows her Dooties; but she can't consheusly Kecommeud her Temper, which 1 had to Part with her on that Account.' It's alias best to be Candied, yon know, Susan! 1

In Ec Capricorn.—An Irish gentleman residing on Russian Hill, San Francisco, owned a valuable nanny goat which suddenly' and mysteriously disappeared. He accused ft neighbour of stealing or malting away with the animal, and a lively row ensued. Thonext Sunday the goat returned home, looking Bl» the last run of shad, nearly starved to deatki and followed by the saxtou of the Larkiustreet Presbyterian Church. Poor naop^i was barely able to climb the hill and get hompf I The euraged sextou explained that a ▼*j|&jj before on shutting up the church, ho 1)F«^ unintentionally locked the goat in, and havu%' remained there a week, she hai sacrilegiously devoured the bibles aud hymn books, and tora up the cushions aud behnvid otherwise in W irreligious and iconoclastic manner. Id fftCfc there Wits strong circuiusttmtinl evidence thw I the uneonsecratcd creature had occupied tbe Dominic's pulpit; for all of which the sexii» demanded damages of the owner. " laithMi its never a cine that I'll pay," said I'atricti " tln-t crayture bus been raided a good Catholic, and if she has a mind to turn Protestant and go to the devil, it's a bad look to her that it «r and I can't helu it at all "

" Adam and live" has been produoed upon the boards at Munich. Thg costumes of IW leading artistes are uot given.