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Auckland Star, Volume I, Issue 166, 21 July 1870, Page 2

Keeping- Fibes in Am Niani. —An open fire may be kept alight all night by having the grate lined with fire clay or fire bricks, and. placing a tliin sheet of-iron on the bottom of tho grate. In a gi'ate as ordinarily constructed it is almost .impossible to do so.

I am for frank explanations with friends in cases of affronts. They would sometimds save a perishing friendship, and even place it on a firmer basis than at first: but secret disconent must always end badly.—Sidney Smith. A doctor's wife once attempted to move her husband by > tears. '/ Ann," said he, " tears are useless. I have analysed thorn. They contain a little phosphate of lime,, spm© chlorate of sodium, und that's all." \ J \|."

An old woman, named Maria Rawaon, was convicted at Sheffield for the fiftieth time! Her convictions occupy three entire pages of the police books, and sliehas spentnearly ajl Ler life in prison.

CUTTINGS EUdifekMEEIJAN PA- „ %I 0 hSr6 a "curious sty^e 6t 'ove-making Hout :West,3br a paper there'says*/*' The young people wh6' were seeu feeding eatJh other, clove fashion, over a gate-post ihe , other evening, hadsbetter be a, little more cautious ia the future." \ ;; An orator holding forth in favour of "woman, dear, divine woman," concluded thus : — ' cOh,mv,-h'carer«, depend upon it, nothing Boats a.good wife.'?'""" I.jjeg J olll' pardon," replied one of his auditors, «-' a bad husband does.". . ■"■' -• • ..*■.;,', ,:vAn editor, .describing a steamboat, said, "She had twelve berths iti the ladieS' cabin." "How. horrible!" exclaimed an old maid, on reading this seia!enc<v "Whai; a squalling there must have been !" '*••- -'^' jt ...

A New Albant lover, knowing a savage dog was kept on the p-emises by his sweetheart, took an equally ferocious cur with him the other night, and set the two fighting. While the old man was separating the animals, the lovers eloped out of the back door. An Illinois upholsterer sent the following entertaining note to a sick man : —"Dear Sir,—Having positive proof that you are rapidly approaching death's gate, . I have, therefore, thought it not imprudent, to call your attention to the enclosed advertisement of my abundant stock of ready-mado coffins." The first chapter of a Western novel has the following :—" All of a sudden the fair girl continued to sit on the Fand, gazing upon the briny deep, on whose heaving bosom the tall ships went merrily by, froighted^alf! • who can tell with how nm'ch of joy and sorrow, and piue lumber and "-emigrants, and hopes, and salt fish?" .

Last year the American internaL/revenue assessors got some funny answers to the questions printed on their blanks. For instance, to the question, " Had your wife auy income last year?" one person roplies, "Yes, one boy." Another, " Her husband's lovo, and as much money from him as elie wants,- but no other income." Another, " Yes, twins —both well} willing to be taxed for themV' A lady and gentleman recently married in the neighbourhood of Boston, left home in their own carriage for a bridal tour among the mountains. In order to avoid the curiosity attracted [by persons in the honeymoon, the gentleman gave bi3 servant the strictest charge not to tell anyone on the road that they were newly married, and threatened to dismiss him if he did. Dan promise implicit obedience ; but on leaving the first inn: on the road next morni ;g, the happy couple w"«;ve much astonished and annoyed to find the servants all assembled, and pointing to the*.gentleman, mysteriously exclaiming, "Tbat'a him : that's the man." On reaching to next stage the indignant master told Dan ho must immediately discharge him, as he had divulged what he had impressed upon him as a, secret. —" Plaso youv honor," said Dan, " what is it you complain of?" —"You!" exclaimed the angry master, "you told the servants at the inn last night that we wore a newly married couple."—': Och, then bo this and be that," says Dan, brightening up in anticipated triumph, ■' there's not a word of trutli, *in it, yer honor. Sure I told the whole kit of them, servants and all, that you would not bo married for r a fortnight yet."—The lady fainted, but the husband pardoucd Dan, and concluded that in future he had better tell the truth

This is the way " Olivia" -guships over an honorable inembjr"froin M:i?s.ichuecit9 : " Tho Hon. Samuel Hooper was the finest wintry picture on the floor. He looks as if the earth loved him, and had brought him the choicest offerings in her power. The sunshine of life has mellowed his character. Altogether he is a New England elm, around which the ivy of youth and affection loves to twine."

Pbecocious Gallasxet.—A generous little chap no-u1 Muscatine, (Ohio), the other night offered his rival 30 cents if he would stand back and not interfere with him in his attempt to take their mutually loved Susan homo from the spelling school. Tho offer wa« indignantly rofused. ' • -^

A clergyman at Cambridge preached a sermon which one of the auditors commended. " Yes," said the gontlcman to whom it wns mentioned, "it was a good sermon but he stole it." This was repeated to the preacher who resented it, and called on tho gentleman, to retract. " I will,"replied the aggreisor;'!'" I said you had stolen the sermon. I find I was wrong, for, on referring to the book whenco I thought it was taken, I found it there."