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Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume V, Issue 518, 1 July 1881, Page 3

As tho rain falls the milkman's labours becuiiie easier. Tiik first sign of winter is tho cry of the careful housewife, " Wipe the mud off your boots before yon come in." A certain gentleman once adv!wd a clcigymau to either " wear a longer- coat or steal a shorter barracouta." " All men were created equal," says a writer, but judging by the stee of their feet, the assei Lion appears to be a faisehood. A negro witness in a trial the oHier day was asked what he was doing in a ceitam liquor shop at a certain lime. He explained that he had gone tlieie Lo" change his brefE." The explanation was accepted. A noted thick-skinned individual of this vicinity was asserting his indiffeeuce to the opinions of his opponents, and to their personal a'ou.e. '■ Why,' said he, '• a man likened me, the other day, to Judas Iβcariot, but I don't care." " Yes," tuid a by-slander, "but how does Judas feel about it." Nottinghamshire posse: .:es a parish which must be nea.'ly, if not quite, unique. It contains only ore hot:, a, inhabited by one family (four brothers), who tioein to comply with the forms required by parochial law, They appointed one of their number overseer, another parish constable, etc., and then make (heir own rate. Unluckily, they quarrelled lately, and fought with fanning utensils, and the magistrates of Binghaui have, in consequence, the parish of Lodge on tue wolds to pr;son for two months. '• Theue is a story current," says the London Cuckoo, " that ihe late Air, Carlyle was a terrible domestic tyrant. At breakfast time he would come down grumbling, and glancing to the well spread board, declare the food to bo unfit for a dog. Mrs Carlyle thereupon would order the girl to take"the dispised viands back to the kitchen. Presently, when the philosopher was beginniug to get desperately hungry, his spouse would order the same dishes to be brought back, which her husband immediately proceeded to devour with infinite relish and without any more ado, No wonder the sage considered his wife a greater women than either George Sand or George Eliot." "Mother Hubbards," (s.-iys a London paper) though highly becoming to certain figures, or, rather, to " uncertain " figures, do not seem to be comfortable garments to lunch in. I was much amused at watching two ladies clothed in these cloaks. They were sitting opposite each other, and occasionally required some article that happened to be in the centre of the table. To reach it, however, they had to get up from their seat and lean across the table, as their arms were useless to them above the elbow, and appeared as though they were pinioned to their sides. ( .In fact, nature having bles:-'O.d one of tl'iu Indie? with very sh'-rt arms and an exceptionally long- neck, siiehiul tho greatest difficulty induing h(;i- t'ooil to her mouth, and wo'iid have had to liuve f/.oae hniuiile.Hs, but fur the fis-i-istanee rendered by a largo fonc which s'ljii iiL'id til liiy o.;.U\inio end.